TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 29 December 1965
Patty, Cathy, and Ross are constantly on the telephone, so Martin puts his foot down by placing restrictive limits on their calls.
Director: Gary Nelson
Writers: Sam Locke, Joel Rapp, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Patty, Cathy, and Ross are constantly on the telephone, so Martin puts his foot down by placing restrictive limits on their calls.
Director: Gary Nelson
Writers: Sam Locke, Joel Rapp, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00♪
00:04Yeah, hey, and wasn't that TV special last night a gasp?
00:08Uh-huh, especially those four cuddly creatures
00:11with that beautiful hair.
00:14Not the dog act, Richard, the singing group.
00:18Patty?
00:19Yeah?
00:20Do you suppose I might use the phone for a moment?
00:21Oh, sure, Mom, I'll just say goodbye to Richard.
00:22Rich, I gotta hang up, my mother wants to use the phone.
00:26What do you mean, an excuse?
00:28I wouldn't use my mother as an excuse and why...
00:31I am not expecting a call from Jerry.
00:34Jerry's dating Susan anyway.
00:37He's not?
00:39When did that happen?
00:40When you finished saying goodbye, let me know.
00:43No kidding.
00:45Who is he dating?
00:46♪
00:56Well, what's it gonna be?
00:57Football or bridge?
00:58I don't know yet, Jim.
01:00I still haven't been able to get through to Natalie
01:02to find out if the Raulstons are coming tonight.
01:05You mean that your phone has actually been busy
01:06for over an hour?
01:07Yeah.
01:08Well, why don't you give it one more try
01:11before I have to give these tickets to somebody else?
01:13Well, I doubt if I'll get through.
01:15That's no attitude, Martin.
01:16Use a little positive thinking.
01:18Okay, I'm positive I won't get through,
01:20but I'll try anyway.
01:22Okay, Richard, bye.
01:25Mom, I hung up!
01:28I can't believe it.
01:30You're not really off the phone.
01:31I was on the phone that much today.
01:34Hello?
01:35Oh, hi, Joanie.
01:37Uh, Joanie, I can't talk to you now.
01:38My mother wants to use the phone.
01:39Hey, what did I tell you about Jerry
01:41not dating Susan anymore?
01:42I guess it's no use.
01:44Struck out again, huh?
01:45Well, now I know why it's so quiet when I get home.
01:48Everybody's exhausted from a full day on the phone.
01:51You know, I used to have that same problem with my family.
01:54Then one day I attached something to the phone
01:56and nobody went near it since.
01:58The lock?
01:59A match set of snarling police dogs.
02:02That's funny.
02:04I guess I better be going.
02:06Gee, I'm sorry about you not coming to the game.
02:09Oh, don't feel sorry for me.
02:10I got a lot of sports at home.
02:12I mean, after all, I've got a house full of star athletes.
02:15You do?
02:16Sure, every one of them's
02:17an Olympic freestyle talking champion.
02:19You look great today.
02:20Honestly, Alan, you wouldn't believe
02:22the dress Linda had on.
02:23She looked like a kangaroo.
02:25Patti.
02:26Yeah, Mom?
02:27Do you realize how long I've been trying
02:28to call your father to tell him
02:29the Rolstons are not coming?
02:30Well, you should have said something.
02:32I did, several times.
02:33Oh, look, I have to hang up now, Alan,
02:36so I can't tell you about Linda's dress,
02:37but I mean, are you ready for polka dot sleeves?
02:39Patricia.
02:41Bye, Alan.
02:43Well, Mom, I'm sorry, but you know my girlfriends.
02:45When they get on and talk,
02:46you jagged, you just can't shut them up.
02:48Natalie, put the phone down.
02:50Why, Martin, I...
02:51Now, I want to ask you a question,
02:52just one question.
02:53Are the Rolstons coming here for bridge tonight?
02:55No, and I...
02:56Do you mean, then, that I could have gone
02:57to that football game with Jim,
02:58and you didn't call me?
02:59Well, Martin, I...
03:00And you couldn't get off of that phone
03:01long enough to let me get through to you?
03:03Natalie, I'm surprised that you'd be that inconsiderate.
03:06I got...
03:06Hold it, Nelson.
03:08Now, wait a minute, you had the phone all day.
03:10I have not.
03:10That's what I'm saying.
03:11I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
03:14Hold it, Nelson.
03:15Now, wait a minute, you had the phone all day.
03:16I have not.
03:18That's what you always say,
03:18so this time I kept count.
03:20Debbie, Richard,
03:22Joan, Sally,
03:24Richard,
03:25Michelle,
03:26Jane,
03:27Martin,
03:28Hattie.
03:29Cathy!
03:30Cathy, come on.
03:31Hey, Cathy!
03:32Hurry up, Cathy.
03:32I'm waiting all day.
03:33What are you saying?
03:34You're always on the phone.
03:35Come on, come on.
03:36I hope you'll forgive me, honey,
03:37but if you don't,
03:40I take a size 15 and a half noose.
03:44♪ Meet Cathy, who lived most everywhere
03:49♪ From Zanzibar to Barclay Square
03:52♪ But Patty's only seen the sights a girl can see
03:55♪ From Brooklyn Heights
03:56♪ What a crazy pair
03:58♪ But they're cousins
04:01♪ Identical cousins
04:03♪ All the way and more
04:05♪ One pair of matching bookends
04:09♪ Different as night and day
04:11as night and day where Kathy adores a minuet
04:17the ballet Russe and crepe Suzette
04:20our patios are rock and roll a hot dog makes her lose control
04:23and you're what a wild duet
04:25still the cousins
04:28identical cousins then you'll find
04:32they laugh a lot, they walk a lot, at times they even talk a lot
04:36you can lose your mind when cousins
04:41are two of a kind
04:49well yeah, Mr. Pastner's okay, but I'd rather have Miss Brandel any day for History 5
04:52she doesn't give homework on weekends
04:54oh no
04:56Patty, will you do us a favor and let us have the phone?
04:58Russ, will you please?
05:00Dad, how long has Patty been on the phone?
05:03Patty? I thought it was Kathy
05:06what do you mean you have to hang up?
05:09well yeah I know, but can't you talk for about two more minutes?
05:13okay, yeah, alright I'll talk to you later, bye
05:19here Russ, don't say I never did anything for you
05:21thanks
05:24hello?
05:26that's funny
05:28what's funny?
05:29it's for you
05:30for me? here?
05:32wonders never cease
05:34hello? oh yeah Jim
05:37what do you mean we lost the Beckett story?
05:40I told you to offer them a thousand dollars for it
05:43they offered them twelve hundred
05:45well I would have gone to fifteen, why didn't you phone me?
05:49you tried?
05:53yeah Jim
05:55I feel just as bad about it as you do
05:58but believe me Jim, this will never happen again
06:02thanks dad
06:04no more calls son
06:05why not?
06:06we have a little problem with this phone
06:08no there isn't, we've been using it all day
06:10that's the problem
06:12oh
06:13I'm gonna solve it right now
06:15Patty? Kathy?
06:18this may strike all of you as an odd question
06:21but I'd appreciate an honest answer
06:23now here's a question
06:25how many real friends does each one of you have?
06:29what has that got to do with anything?
06:31never mind, just answer the question
06:34Ross?
06:35that's easy
06:36Eddie, Harold, Chuck and Danny
06:38that's four for you
06:39Kathy?
06:40real friends
06:42oh I'd say about six
06:44six, thank you Kathy
06:46Patty?
06:48well let's see now, there's Betty
06:50she's really a great friend
06:52except you can't trust her
06:55oh I know, there's Sally
06:56she's the best friend in the whole world
06:58she's really sincere and honest
07:00except she was flirting with Richard last week
07:04I know, there's my greatest friend
07:06Ellen Barton
07:07that's Burton
07:13okay, then there's uh
07:15Edith, Joanne, St. Gladys
07:17and Marilyn
07:18Patty, Patty
07:19I'm talking about true friends
07:21people whom you are very fond of
07:23people who also like and respect you
07:25how many?
07:27two
07:30let's see now, among the three of you
07:32that makes a total of 12 friends
07:35all right, now here's the rule
07:37for each friend you get five minutes on the phone
07:39which makes a total of 60 minutes of phone calls each day
07:42but you can only make those calls between 7 and 8 p.m.
07:46and you can start on that tomorrow
07:48because you've all had your full quota phone calls for the day
07:51now is that understood?
07:52oh boy
07:53I guess so, okay
08:00Patty, what are you doing?
08:03didn't you hear what I just said?
08:04sure I did, Papa
08:05I'm just calling my friends
08:06to tell them I can't call them anymore
08:12oh, that happened to me too, boy
08:14really
08:15take
08:20who are you going to call?
08:21I know, I'll call Helen Perkins
08:23I haven't talked to her in a long time
08:25naturally not
08:26she moved to California over a year ago
08:31come on, Kathy
08:32you only have three minutes
08:33you have to help me
08:35Patty, you saw all your friends at school today
08:37do you really have to use the phone tonight?
08:39of course
08:40I have ten minutes coming to me
08:42and I'm going to use them
08:43whether I have to talk to strangers
08:46Patty, you've got to help me
08:47it's a matter of life and death
08:49what is it?
08:50I'm going to lend you one of my calls
08:51lend you one of my calls?
08:52why?
08:53I never get to talk to Danny
08:55what happened?
08:56well, I talk five minutes each
08:57with Eddie, Harold and Chuck
08:58then I dial information for Danny's number
09:01so?
09:03so Dad counted that
09:04as my fourth and final phone call
09:06what?
09:07yeah, he's drunk with power
09:09I think it's time for a revolution
09:11now, Ross, wait a minute
09:13I know it doesn't quite seem fair
09:14but after all, we did agree
09:15to Uncle Martin's system
09:17Patty, it's Richard
09:18oh, okay
09:20Kathy's right, Ross
09:21this is a democracy
09:22and we have to learn to abide by the rules
09:23otherwise everybody will be running around
09:24like a bunch of animals
09:25thank you, Patty
09:27I don't like that
09:28she's on Dad's side
09:30she's been known to before
09:32yeah, I guess you're right
09:33yeah, that's one thing you can say about Patty
09:34she's undependable
09:36I wouldn't say that, Ross
09:38perhaps she's just looking
09:39at things more clearly now
09:40Ross, you're absolutely right
09:42it's time for a revolution
09:43huh?
09:44well, what about the democracy routine?
09:46when Popo started limiting
09:47our outgoing calls
09:48that was democracy
09:49but when he started limiting
09:50our incoming calls
09:52then it's time to muster our defenses
09:53and counterattack
09:56goodbye, Richard
10:00hi, there
10:02may I talk to you for a moment?
10:04so long as it's not by phone
10:07what's on your mind?
10:09well, Popo
10:10Kathy and Ross and I
10:11have been talking
10:12and we've decided
10:13that this new phone system
10:14is a real hang-up
10:15oh, well, that's the object, honey
10:16to get you kids to hang up
10:19hang up, that's pretty funny
10:20but that's a real gas
10:21get us to hang up
10:22Patty
10:23yeah
10:24what do you want?
10:26well, uh
10:28Kathy and Ross and I
10:29think that we have a better system
10:31oh, go ahead
10:32well, we'd like to get
10:33a phone of our own
10:34and pay for it
10:35out of our own allowances
10:36well, that's a wonderful idea
10:37now, you don't have to answer
10:38yes or no right now
10:39you just
10:42you mean it's okay?
10:43so long as you're willing
10:44to pay the monthly bill
10:45yourself, certainly
10:46oh, thanks, Popo
10:48yeah, now
10:49just one thing
10:50what about the $20 deposit?
10:52what $20 deposit?
10:54oh, well, a phone company
10:55requires a $20 deposit
10:56for security
10:57before they'll install a phone
10:58do you mean to tell me
10:59that the telephone company
11:00doesn't trust you enough
11:01to give you a phone without
11:02they trust me
11:03it's you they don't trust
11:05see, and it's gonna be
11:06your telephone
11:09well, you trust us
11:10don't you, Popo?
11:12of course
11:13will you lend us $20?
11:15I have a better idea
11:16why don't you earn the $20?
11:18you mean get a job?
11:20see, some of our best citizens
11:21have jobs
11:22I mean, the President
11:23of the United States
11:24works for a living
11:27okay, Popo
11:28first thing tomorrow morning
11:29I'll get a job
11:30and work for a living
11:44uh-uh
11:45leave that dial alone
11:46hi, Popo
11:47I have been trying
11:48to call this house all day
11:49now, who's been on that phone
11:50since 11 o'clock?
11:51I have, and it was 10.30
11:53all right, 10.30
11:54what happened
11:55to all that brave talk
11:56about going out
11:57and looking for a job
11:58to pay for a second phone?
11:59I did get a job
12:01you did?
12:02uh-huh
12:03first thing this morning
12:04well, what were you doing
12:05on the telephone?
12:06I was looking for a job
12:07to pay for a second phone
12:08I was looking for a job
12:09to pay for a second phone
12:10I was looking for a job
12:11to pay for a second phone
12:12well, what were you doing
12:13on the telephone all morning?
12:14that's my job
12:15I'm a telephone saleswoman
12:17isn't it a gas, Popo?
12:18all these years
12:19you thought I was wasting
12:20my time on the telephone
12:21and I was preparing
12:22for a career
12:25you're selling
12:26on the telephone?
12:27uh-huh, this
12:29isn't it something, Popo?
12:31it's something
12:32but what is it?
12:33it's called a Jet Set
12:34Reducing Belt
12:36now, you just plug it in
12:37would you plug it in
12:38for me, please?
12:39you plug it in
12:40and you attach it
12:41easy safety hook
12:42and then you set the dial
12:44to the desired speed
12:45and then you switch it on
12:47and instantly
12:48the dynamo vibrators
12:49start massaging away
12:50the extra fat
12:52in what?
12:53all I have to do
12:54is sell one of these
12:55and I'll get my $20
12:57but, but, but, Patty
12:58Popo, I'm afraid
12:59I can't talk to you anymore
13:00when your voice is
13:01your fortune
13:02every syllable counts
13:12hi, dear
13:13hello, Nat
13:16you're looking at a man
13:17who's created a monster
13:19do you suppose that
13:20Jet Set Reducing Belt
13:21would work in my big fat mouth?
13:23oh, I don't think
13:24it's that bad
13:25Kathy's calling prospects
13:26from a pay phone
13:27and Ross is using
13:28the phone at Eddie's
13:29these kids will put me
13:30in a basket
13:31of course
13:32you could break down
13:33and pay for the phone
13:34yourself
13:35oh, no
13:36if I did that
13:37the next thing they'd
13:38talk me into
13:39is an answering service
13:41hello there, Mrs. Mallory
13:42this is Patricia Lane
13:44may I talk to you
13:45woman to woman
13:46for a moment?
13:47oh, thank you
13:49Mrs. Mallory
13:50as we go through life
13:51growing up
13:52getting married
13:53having families
13:55what is it we girls
13:56miss most?
13:58it's our girlish figures
13:59isn't it, Mrs. Mallory?
14:01well, my company
14:03has found a surefire way
14:05to bring back
14:06our girlish figures
14:08it's called
14:09the Easyway Jet Set
14:10Reducing Belt
14:11you just taught...
14:14what, Mrs. Mallory?
14:16oh, I see
14:18you're underway
14:19well, that's too bad
14:20Mrs. Mallory
14:21you're missing
14:22a marvelous bargain
14:27hello, Mrs. Strick
14:29I'm calling you
14:30about the Jet Set
14:31Reducing Belt
14:32you've heard of it
14:33of course
14:34of course
14:36you have?
14:37that's the one
14:38with the money back
14:39you see, isn't it?
14:40yes, that's right
14:41now, if you'd like
14:42to have a demonstration
14:43I don't need
14:44a demonstration, young lady
14:46you mean you'd like
14:47us to bring you one?
14:48no, I'd like you
14:49to bring the cash
14:50and I'll give you back
14:51the one I bought
14:52six months ago
14:53I'm not happy
14:54with it at all
14:57in the first place
14:59it tickles too much
15:00and in the second place
15:01I haven't lost
15:02a single pound
15:06may I speak
15:07to Mrs. Spring, please?
15:08she's not home, mister
15:10oh, well
15:11is there anybody there
15:12but you?
15:13yes
15:14is it somebody
15:15who's overweight?
15:16oh, yes
15:17he's very heavy
15:18may I speak to him, please?
15:20just a minute
15:21hey, Eddie
15:22I got a live one
15:24you can speak
15:25to him now, mister
15:32smart Alec
15:33you know, there ought
15:34to be a law against
15:35letting little kids
15:36use the phone
15:39Patty
15:40oh, hi, Kat
15:41how you doing?
15:42oh, I made 12 calls
15:44from three different
15:45pay booths
15:46any results?
15:47oh, yes
15:48I ran out of dimes
15:50you better sell
15:51a belt soon
15:52or you're not even
15:53gonna break even
15:5620 cents?
15:57I still have dozens
15:58of people on my list
15:59okay
16:00guess we may as well
16:01go whole hog
16:03poor little piggy
16:09hi, mom
16:10hi, honey
16:11what are you doing?
16:12making canopies
16:13for the bridge party tonight
16:14oh
16:15how's it going?
16:16uh, very smoothly
16:17good
16:18yep
16:19I made 100 calls
16:20and got 100 turndowns
16:23you know, mom
16:24I've always liked
16:25you in that dress
16:26why, thank you, dear
16:27I mean, you really
16:28look beautiful in it
16:30uh, but I thought
16:31you were gonna have it
16:32let out
16:33I did have it let out
16:34oh, oh, that's right
16:35it's supposed to be
16:36tied around the waist
16:37no, it's supposed to be
16:38loose around the waist
16:40of course
16:41what am I thinking of?
16:42I'd say you were thinking
16:43of trying to con me
16:44into buying one of
16:45your reducing belts
16:47101
16:52what do you suppose
16:53has happened to the Rolstons?
16:54I don't know
16:55it's not like
16:56Jack and Harriet to be late
16:57not without calling
16:58oh, and I've had
16:59plenty of opportunity
17:00I mean, nobody uses
17:01a phone around this house
17:03maybe you ought to
17:04call them
17:05well, if I can get
17:06Patty off the phone
17:08that's like trying to
17:09separate a tigress
17:10from her cub
17:11but madam, this is
17:12the greatest invention
17:13since the Turkish bath
17:15it actually makes it
17:16fun to be
17:17overweight
17:20oh, I see
17:21well, thank you
17:22goodbye
17:24excuse me, Patty
17:25I have to make a call
17:26is it a business call?
17:27what?
17:28sorry, Popo
17:29I lost my head
17:30thank you
17:34hello
17:35yes, this is
17:36Patricia Lane
17:37oh, yes
17:38Mrs. Simpson
17:39I did leave a message
17:40well, I represent
17:41the Jet Set
17:42reducing belt
17:43and I would like
17:44to give
17:46you do?
17:47oh
17:49well
17:50yes, good luck
17:51to you too
17:52goodbye
17:53how do you like that?
17:54she sells reducing belts
17:55too
17:56small world
17:58well, if everybody's
17:59selling reducing belts
18:00it'll be a small
18:01skinny world
18:03if only I could meet
18:04some nice
18:05overweight lady
18:06face to face
18:10hello, Mary
18:11hi, Jack
18:12sorry we're late
18:13but you know how long
18:14it takes women to dress
18:15especially me
18:29Patty
18:31Patty
18:33yes, Popo
18:35Patty, I'd like you
18:36to meet the Ralstons
18:37this is our daughter, Patty
18:38hi
18:39nice to meet you
18:40you too
18:41hello, Patty
18:42hello, Mr. Ralston
18:43hi, Jack
18:44hello, Natalie
18:45hi, Mary
18:46nice to see you
18:47my dear, I thought
18:48you'd never get here
18:49well, shall we go in
18:50and get started?
18:51right
18:52your mother called
18:53just as we were leaving
18:54oh, tell her I said
18:55hello, will you?
18:56will do
18:57hey, why don't Natalie
18:58and I pay our losses now
18:59tired of getting
19:00your lumps, huh?
19:01well, let's just say
19:02if you beat us again
19:03you can take us home
19:04and put us on the mantelpiece
19:06Harriet
19:07ooh, they all look
19:08so good
19:09Harriet
19:11yes, dear
19:12none for me, Natalie
19:13oh, come on, Harriet
19:14you can eat
19:15just one of these
19:16Natalie, that's my problem
19:18I can never eat
19:19one of anything
19:20I don't know
19:21some people can eat
19:22and eat and stay thin
19:23I wish I knew the secret
19:29this jet set will melt
19:30the weight off you
19:31just like that
19:32I don't want to lose any weight
19:33I want to be a professional
19:34football player when I grow up
19:35jockeys make more money
19:37one hug
19:38a diamond
19:39one hug
19:40spade
19:43uh, I bid, uh
19:46Hattie, what is that
19:47you're eating?
19:48oh, club sandwich
19:49oh, boy
19:50does that look good
19:51come on, Harriet
19:52it's your bid
19:53oh, oh
19:54I bid two club sandwiches
19:57oh, I
19:59I'm sorry
20:01I bid two clubs
20:03guess where my mind is
20:08feel like a rocket
20:09on the launching pad
20:10okay
20:11five
20:12four
20:13three
20:14two
20:15one
20:16blast off
20:18I'm in orbit
20:19okay, then
20:20let's shoot for the moon
20:22oh, oh
20:23okay, slow it up
20:24ooh, ooh
20:26hey, ooh, ooh
20:27ow, it's getting hot
20:29hey, look, I'm on fire
20:30get me out of here
20:31okay, okay, try it, try it
20:32come on
20:41what happened?
20:44well, let's get the same problem you do
20:46a screw loose
20:48we'll go get a screwdriver
20:49and have him fixed in no time
20:50come on
20:51I don't want to be skinny
20:53it's too dangerous
20:55well, I think this little card
20:58what's the matter, Harriet?
20:59Patty
21:00me?
21:01you certainly can't put it away
21:03well, I have to have something
21:04to tie me over between dinner
21:05and my cookies and milk before bed
21:08well, how do you keep that figure?
21:11well
21:12mm-hmm
21:13I'd give a million dollars
21:14to know your secret
21:16Mrs. Ralston
21:17if a certain person would let me
21:19I could tell you my secret
21:20for a lot less than a million dollars
21:22oh, thanks, Popo
21:23don't go away
21:24I'll be right back
21:31here we are, Mrs. Ralston
21:33the Jet Set Reducing Belt
21:35is that your secret, Patty?
21:36uh-huh
21:37you merely attach it
21:38with this no-fuss jiffy hook
21:40and then you dial
21:41the vibro-massage
21:43for the desired massage strength
21:44and you flip the switch
21:46and instantly
21:47the dino-vibrator starts
21:49and instantly
21:50the dino-vibrator starts
21:51massaging away
21:52unwanted pounds
21:54well, how interesting
21:55now, if you wish to adjust
21:56the vibrator massage
21:58you merely turn the dial
21:59from mild to medium
22:01and then you can go about
22:02your daily household chores
22:04dynamically, scientifically
22:06and pleasantly
22:08how does it feel?
22:10oh, believe me, Mrs. Ralston
22:11the faster you use those pounds
22:12the better you'll feel
22:15now
22:16if I adjust it to high
22:18I feel like flying
22:21is it soothing?
22:22soothing, Mrs. Ralston?
22:24if I put it up to super high
22:26I feel like dancing
22:31Patty, is anything wrong?
22:33no, no, no, I don't
22:34have anything wrong
22:35well, I must admit
22:36I feel like buying one, Patty
22:38but are you absolutely positive
22:39there's no discomfort?
22:41it's the most comfortable
22:42thing in the world
22:49do you smell smoke?
22:51yeah
22:52I smell it too
22:56it's coming from the bell
22:58no, no, no, Patty
22:59that's just the bat burning up
23:01hey, Patty, I think he's thirsty
23:03go apply
23:04Martin, do something
23:06Patty, are you all right?
23:08get that thing off you
23:12Patty
23:13now, I know how desperate
23:14you are to make a sale
23:15but you can use my phone
23:16anytime you want
23:17if you'll just promise
23:18never to put this thing on again
23:20okay
23:21besides, I really don't
23:22need the phone anyway
23:23I can use this thing
23:24to send up smoke signals
23:31no, no, no, Clara
23:32there's no need to hang up
23:33I still have four minutes
23:34on this telephone
23:38I know
23:44hi
23:45hi
23:46looks like a lineup
23:47at the box office, doesn't it?
23:49for a problem play
23:50entitled Oh, Dad, Poor Dad
23:51if we don't hang up the phone
23:52he'll really be mad
23:54no, not me
23:55I've solved the problem
23:56you have?
23:57follow me
24:01I must admit
24:02I got the idea for this
24:03from watching
24:04old Whodunnits
24:05on the Late Late Show
24:08oh, for Pete's sake
24:10no, for Martin's sake
24:12that's my own
24:13private phone
24:14for my own personal use
24:16nobody knows about it
24:17it's only been in the house
24:18since this morning
24:19and believe me
24:24excuse me
24:25hello
24:26hi, Rich
24:27yeah, I know
24:28the other phone is busy
24:29well, you know
24:30Ross and Kathy
24:31when they start
24:32talking to each other
24:33they're always
24:34on the phone
24:35well, you know
24:36Ross and Kathy
24:37when they start jabbering
24:38do you know who they got?
24:39some lady in Colorado
24:41well, they each have
24:42their team
24:44hello?
24:45hello?
24:48here's Kathy
24:49who's elite
24:50most everywhere
24:52from Zanzibar
24:53and to Barclays Square
24:55but Patty's only
24:56seen her twice
24:57a girl can see
24:58her mother's eyes
24:59what a crazy pair
25:01but they're cousins
25:05identical cousins
25:07and you'll find
25:09they laugh alike
25:10they walk alike
25:11at times they even
25:12talk alike
25:13you can lose your mind
25:16when cousins
25:19are two of a kind