TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 21 April 1965
Even though her father forbids it, Patty wants to be a folk singer at the local coffee house. And brings Richard along as her manager.
Director: Don Weis
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Even though her father forbids it, Patty wants to be a folk singer at the local coffee house. And brings Richard along as her manager.
Director: Don Weis
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00If you go to get married, don't hasten it on.
00:08And don't you get married till you're four-twenty-one.
00:15And don't you get married till you're four-twenty-one.
00:18Patty, how long are we going to stay here?
00:20Shh, you're interrupting Memphis Mulligan.
00:23Then marry some good girl your love won't forget.
00:31Come all you young gentlemen who want to be smart.
00:38Mulligan, he's really quite good.
00:41Good? He's the heartbeat of America.
00:44Sounds more like the pulse beat of Peoria.
00:47Dancing around you some favors to gain.
00:54Then turns her back on you in scorn and disdain.
01:13Where do you think you're going?
01:14Oh, I'm going to take a little rest.
01:16When you got a throat like this, you got to pamper it a little.
01:18Listen, Memphis, I'm paying you by the night, not by the song.
01:21Now get up there and sing.
01:22You can get up there and sing yourself.
01:24My throat and I are quitting.
01:26Good riddance. Who needs you?
01:27Good. I'm going back to the farm.
01:32Peasant.
01:34Sir?
01:35What is it?
01:36Gee, that's too bad that had to happen, but you know, you're right.
01:40You really don't need him.
01:41Of course I don't.
01:42I mean, especially when you can get the greatest folk singer in the whole world, Pittsburgh Patty.
01:46Yeah, especially when I can get the greatest folk singer in the world.
01:52Who's Pittsburgh Patty?
01:54Me.
02:02Meet Kathy, who's lived most everywhere.
02:05From Zanzibar to Barclays Square.
02:08But Patty's only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights.
02:12What a crazy pair.
02:14But they're cousins.
02:17Identical cousins all the way.
02:21One pair of matching bookends.
02:24Different as night and day.
02:27Where Kathy adores a minuet.
02:30The ballet Russe and Crepe Suzette.
02:33Oh, Patty loves to rock and roll.
02:35The hot dog makes her lose control.
02:37What a wild duet.
02:39Still they're cousins.
02:42Identical cousins and you'll find.
02:46They laugh alike.
02:47They walk alike.
02:48At times they even talk alike.
02:50You can lose your mind when cousins are two of a kind.
03:07I miss my home in the old gray west.
03:11Where I grew up with leeway.
03:16They say what happens for the best.
03:20My homestead's now a freeway.
03:26Ooh.
03:30Ooh.
03:34Hi, Rich. I was just rehearsing.
03:37You're not serious about this.
03:39Why not?
03:40I'll tell you why not.
03:41Because you're not a folk singer, that's why not.
03:44Richard, what is a folk singer?
03:45A folk who sings.
03:47Forget it.
03:48Look, Rich, there's nothing to it.
03:49I go down there, I sing a few songs and I become famous overnight.
03:52You can be my manager.
03:53What is there to match?
03:54Oh, just listen to this.
03:57Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
04:03And knew me a man with a red-headed gal, wore a yellow scarf when he called.
04:08Made her up and then he learned his red-headed gal was bald.
04:19What do you think, Mr. Bailey?
04:21Crazy.
04:22And I really mean crazy.
04:24She's the best folk singer I ever managed.
04:27How about it, Mr. Haley?
04:28She hired?
04:30I can only pay $15 a week.
04:32$15?
04:33I tip my barber more than that.
04:35Richard.
04:37He's just kidding.
04:38That'll be fine.
04:39I'm not doing this for the money.
04:41Patty, will you let me handle this?
04:42No.
04:43Mr. Haley, I'm doing this to express myself.
04:46I'm gonna be the voice of my generation.
04:48I dig.
04:49And I can use you, too.
04:51You can?
04:52I mean, if you're gonna be around here to manage her, I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving me a little hand.
04:56I guess not.
04:58Would you like to hear another song, Mr. Haley?
05:00Sure, sure.
05:01Right after you swept the floors, cleaned up the kitchen, and set up the table.
05:04Holy popcorn!
05:06The two of you.
05:07And snap it up.
05:08We open in a few minutes.
05:13Are you sure this is the way the Beatles started?
05:19Oh, hi, Richard.
05:21Hi, Ross.
05:22Are you looking for Patty or for a sandwich?
05:24Patty.
05:25She's out.
05:26Well, then I'll have a sandwich.
05:28Don't you want a sandwich, do you?
05:29I think she went to take a singing lesson.
05:31Hey, that's a good idea.
05:33Is she really gonna be a folk singer?
05:35Sure, I already got her her first engagement.
05:38Yeah? Where at?
05:39The Pink Percolator.
05:41She's singing in a coffee pot?
05:43Well, not exactly singing yet.
05:46It's a coffee house.
05:47When she gets through there, everybody in the country's gonna know her.
05:50You sing, too?
05:51I'm her manager.
05:53Oh, boy.
05:54Every artist's gotta have a manager.
05:56Even Patty.
05:57Did you get her a lot of money?
05:59Sure did, considering her talent.
06:02She's working for nothing, huh?
06:04Of course not. What do you think I am?
06:07You sure you've got everything?
06:09Oh, yeah. Thanks.
06:12Boy, I really admire you.
06:14You do?
06:16Yeah. Since I'm her brother, I have to be around Patty all the time.
06:20But you deliberately take her out.
06:23It takes a lot of courage.
06:25Well, I guess it's kind of hard for brothers and sisters to understand each other.
06:28Until they're older, anyway.
06:30I wish I had a sister.
06:32You can have mine.
06:33I'll take her.
06:34Can I be best man at your wedding?
06:36I guess so, if we have a wedding.
06:38Aren't you and Patty gonna get married someday?
06:41We were, but I don't know now.
06:44What's the matter?
06:45I'm worried.
06:47I can't blame you.
06:48If I was gonna marry someone like Patty, I'd be worried, too.
06:51I'm worried she won't marry me.
06:53That's wishful thinking.
06:55You don't understand, Wallace.
06:57If Patty catches on as a folk singer, she's gonna be famous.
07:00And I mean really famous.
07:02Do you think that could happen?
07:04Have you heard any of the folk singers around here today?
07:08Boy, I'm glad I'm just a kid.
07:10I wouldn't have the problems that you grown-ups have for anything.
07:16What is life?
07:18Is it earnest?
07:20Is it real?
07:22Or is it a candy Ferris wheel?
07:27If I ate feathers, could I fly?
07:32Laugh, you strangers.
07:35But I must fly.
07:38I don't know if I like managing a folk singer.
07:41Chin up, you're doing great.
07:42Oh, uh, Mr. Haley, I'm ready to go on any time now.
07:45You're a real trooper. Make a fresh batch of coffee.
07:47And then?
07:49And then serve the customers.
07:50And then?
07:51And then wash the cups.
07:52And then?
07:53And then make some more coffee.
07:57Yeah, I dig.
08:07Oh, the life of a farmer is the life for me
08:10Push-button cows and a new TV
08:17Hello, Patty.
08:18Hi, Papa.
08:19Hadn't you better get dressed, dear?
08:22I am dressed.
08:23Oh, you're going to a costume party.
08:27You know what? I suppose you're right.
08:29Life is nothing but a masquerade.
08:32Well, this is the costume of the people.
08:34I'm earthy.
08:35I'll say.
08:37I would suggest that you wash some of that earth off,
08:40then change into a dress, and we'll have dinner.
08:44Papa, you don't know about American folklore, do you?
08:49Do you know Carl Sandburg's The People, yes?
08:52Mm-hmm.
08:53Do you know Martin Lane's That Outfit, no.
08:57Patty, you look like a poverty-stricken...
09:00Papa, that's the look of my generation.
09:02We want to be free.
09:05Then why are you so expensive?
09:08Joke.
09:10By the way, there's a very interesting concert at the town hall tonight.
09:13Mozart.
09:14I got tickets for all of us.
09:17Gee, Papa, I'm sorry. I can't go.
09:19Why not, Patty? I'm sure you'd enjoy it.
09:22Oh, yeah, but I'm kind of going to a concert myself.
09:26Oh?
09:27Well, at least it's not bowling or the movies.
09:29Who's playing?
09:30A folk singer named Pittsburgh Patty.
09:33Never heard of her.
09:34Oh, you will.
09:38Pittsburgh Patty.
09:43No, couldn't be.
09:51What's the matter, Patty?
09:52Oh, it's the older generation.
09:55What have they done now?
09:57They're not going to stop me from expressing myself.
10:00Are they trying to?
10:02They would if I let them.
10:05Have they told you to give up your job at the coffee house?
10:07No.
10:08You see?
10:10That's only because I haven't told them about it yet.
10:13Patty, don't you think you should?
10:15They wouldn't understand, Kathy.
10:18It's not just a job.
10:20I feel like part of the grassroots of America.
10:24You look like part of the grassroots of America.
10:28It's really very hard work.
10:31The singing?
10:32The scrubbing.
10:34Hey, you wouldn't like to join my act, would you?
10:36We could make it a duet.
10:37I'll scrub, you mop.
10:38No, thank you.
10:39I'm afraid not.
10:48Oh, don't be afraid to clutch at fame
10:51It's such a pleasant thing
10:54People come from the ends of the earth
10:57Just to hear me sing
11:02Oh, moon is a word
11:04And tin is a word
11:06Empty sounds and din
11:08So I have the power to change my world
11:12Mr. Haley, I'm ready to go on any time.
11:14Crazy. Start with table seven.
11:16Mr. Haley, I don't think you understand.
11:19I'm here to express myself.
11:21I dig. You want to get to the people, right?
11:23Exactly.
11:24Good. Start with table seven.
11:32What's this?
11:34What'd he say? When do you go on?
11:37Don't look now, Richard, but I think I am on.
11:43Where's our little beatnik this morning?
11:45She overslept.
11:46No wonder.
11:47She didn't get home last night till quarter of twelve.
11:50What were you doing up until a quarter to twelve, young man?
11:53Me and my big mouth.
11:58Morning.
11:59Morning.
12:00Good morning.
12:02How was that concert last night?
12:04What? Oh, the concert. It was great.
12:07Too short, though.
12:08What kind of concert was it?
12:10Folk singing.
12:11When I was a boy, we had folk singing.
12:14It's odd how it's become popular again.
12:16They had folk singing when you were a boy, Papa?
12:18Yes.
12:20We used to put on our bare skins
12:22and come out of our caves and sing it up a little.
12:25Now, Patty, this may come as a shock to you,
12:27but your father is only...
12:29Only...
12:31That's okay, Papa.
12:32You're young at heart.
12:34Thank you, Patty.
12:37I mean, you really understand kids, Papa.
12:41I try to.
12:43I mean, like, if I were to say to you,
12:45Papa, I think I'm going to get a job in a coffee house as a folk singer,
12:48you'd say...
12:49No.
12:52You're kidding.
12:53Try me.
12:54Oh, but Papa...
12:55If you want to do any folk singing,
12:56sing for the folks in this house.
12:59Some of them are quite nice, Martin.
13:01Oh, I'm sure they are.
13:02And any time Patty wants to drop in at one
13:04and have a cup of coffee, that's fine.
13:06But I never want to catch you singing in one of those places.
13:09But Papa...
13:10The discussion is closed.
13:12Would you mind passing the sugar, please?
13:43Kathy said you wanted to see me about some kind of an emergency.
13:46Brace yourself.
13:47Disaster has struck.
13:49Well, what happened?
13:50The roof just fell in on us.
13:52This morning at breakfast,
13:53my father figured, conned me into thinking that he was young at heart,
13:56so I figured that was the perfect time to tell him about us
13:58working at the Pink Percolator.
14:00How'd he take it?
14:01He didn't.
14:02You mean he doesn't want you to work there?
14:04How do you spell ultimatum?
14:07Oh, boy.
14:08Oh, maybe he'll change his mind.
14:10Never in a million years.
14:12I guess that's that.
14:13We're out of the folk song business.
14:15Why don't we go see a movie tonight?
14:17I can't.
14:18Why not?
14:19Because I'm singing at the Pink Percolator tonight.
14:22You should leave your brain to Harvard.
14:24That would teach him.
14:25Okay, Rich.
14:26Why don't you understand?
14:27You just said you can't possibly...
14:29Rich, I told you I'm going to quit.
14:31But I can't just walk out.
14:33That wouldn't be fair.
14:34Yeah, somebody's got to scrub the kitchen.
14:37Look, I told you.
14:38Tonight is my last night.
14:40I just have to give him at least one night's notice.
14:43That should pack him in.
14:45What time shall I pick you up?
14:47I'll meet you there.
14:49Hey.
14:51You wouldn't know anybody who'd like to buy a second-hand guitar, would you?
14:58Patty.
15:00What if your mother and father find out what you're doing?
15:03Well, the worst that can happen is they'll put me up for adoption.
15:06Why don't you just tell Mr. Haley the truth?
15:09You mean tell him that my father thinks I'm too young to sing in a coffeehouse?
15:12I can't do that.
15:14Mr. Haley probably thinks I'm at least 25 or 30 years old.
15:18All right.
15:19Then tell him your father thinks you're too old to sing in a coffeehouse.
15:22Will you stop worrying? I told you I'm quitting.
15:25This is my last night.
15:26Don't you want to come and hear me sing?
15:28Well, I was going to, but, uh,
15:30I think I'd better stay here and keep an eye on your parents.
15:33Matt's my buddy.
15:34Don't let him budge out of the house.
15:36I won't.
15:38You know, there's really nothing to worry about.
15:40They never go to coffeehouses.
15:42Yeah.
15:43Well, can't keep my public waiting.
15:45Bye.
15:49Hey, Natalie, how about this?
15:51There's a new coffeehouse open in the neighborhood.
15:53Listen to the ad.
15:54The Pink Percolator.
15:56Folk singing and 75 different kinds of coffee.
16:00It's enough to keep you awake for two and a half months.
16:04Can I watch television?
16:05Did you finish your homework?
16:06No, but it's easy.
16:08Then do it.
16:09But then I'll miss this educational program.
16:11What educational program is that?
16:13It's called The Attack of the Hairy Martians.
16:16You mean it's a kind of astronomy lesson?
16:18Yeah.
16:19Do your homework.
16:21Boy, when I'm old, I hope I remember what it was like to be young.
16:27I've been thinking that.
16:29Thought my conversation was handy this morning.
16:31Maybe I was a little too rough on her.
16:33I suppose there's nothing wrong with her being a folk singer.
16:36I don't know why, Martin, but I do not want my daughter working in a coffeehouse.
16:41She's barely old enough to drink it.
16:43I'll get it.
16:46Hello?
16:48Oh, hello, Jonathan.
16:50It's Richard's father.
16:52No, Richard's not here.
16:54Patty?
16:55Just a minute.
16:56Is Patty here?
16:57I think she went out.
16:58Oh, Kathy, where'd Patty go?
17:01I believe she went to a concert.
17:03Oh, Patty went to a concert.
17:05To a concert?
17:07That's the third time in a row.
17:10No, no, I was talking to Kathy.
17:13Yes, we're going to be home for a little while.
17:16All right, fine.
17:18I'll see you then.
17:21Jonathan says he wants to come over and talk to us.
17:24What about?
17:25He didn't say, but he sounded pretty upset.
17:27I think I'll go finish a letter to father.
17:31Kathy, is Patty in any kind of trouble?
17:35I hope not.
17:38Is there anything you'd like to tell me?
17:40I don't think so, Uncle Martin.
17:44If Patty were up to anything, you'd tell us, wouldn't you?
17:48I'm afraid I couldn't, Aunt Natalie.
17:51You couldn't?
17:52No.
17:53You see, it's sort of our generation against yours.
17:59Excuse me.
18:10Hello, Jonathan.
18:11Hello, Martin. Is Patty home yet?
18:13No, come on in.
18:15I hate to barge in on you like this.
18:17You're not barging in. We're delighted to see you.
18:19Hello, Natalie.
18:20Jonathan.
18:22Won't you sit down?
18:24Well, I'd rather not.
18:27Something wrong?
18:28Well, I'm not sure.
18:30Has Patty been acting peculiar lately?
18:33Well, with Patty, it's kind of hard to tell.
18:36Same with Richard.
18:37I was joking.
18:39I was serious.
18:42What's Richard been doing?
18:44That's just it. We don't know.
18:46He gets in late every night.
18:48He's completely exhausted all day,
18:51and he doesn't tell us where he goes or what he's been doing.
18:55Patty has seemed a bit more tired than usual lately,
18:57and she's been getting in rather late.
18:59I knew it. They're up to something.
19:02I love Richard being away from home.
19:06But my wife worries she's got some kind of a crazy mother complex.
19:11You know how mothers are.
19:13Richard has been talking about working in a coffee house.
19:17Yeah, Patty mentioned taking a job in a coffee house.
19:20What'd you tell her?
19:21Well, I said no.
19:23But, you know, as a matter of fact, I was just telling Natalie.
19:25Maybe I was a little too harsh with her.
19:27I say you can't be too harsh with them.
19:30Give them an inch, and they'll drive you out of your mind.
19:33You know where we make our mistake?
19:35Teaching the kids to talk.
19:39Just think of how wonderful it would be if they didn't know English.
19:43Look at all the money it'd save us on phone calls.
19:49Good evening, Mr. Harrison.
19:51Hello, Kathy.
19:52You two girls sure do look alike. I can never tell the difference.
19:55The one with Richard is Patty.
19:57Now, I hope he can tell the difference.
19:58Oh, don't worry. Patty's used to that.
20:00Would you like some coffee?
20:01I'd love a cup.
20:03Wait a minute.
20:04Why don't we run on down to that new coffee house, the Pink Percolator, and have some there?
20:08They've got 75 different kinds of coffee.
20:10That's a good idea.
20:12Oh, I don't think you'd like it.
20:14Why not?
20:15Well, I hear it's very crowded, and the service is bad,
20:18and the coffee's not good, and it's very expensive.
20:20If business is that good, they must have something.
20:22Let's go take a look at it.
20:24It's really very noisy.
20:25Why don't I make you some coffee here?
20:27Don't trouble Kath.
20:29Oh, it's no trouble at all, Aunt Natalie.
20:30I could have it ready in a minute.
20:31You know, I'd like to see that new coffee house.
20:33I make the best coffee in Brooklyn Heights.
20:35Would you like to come with us, dear?
20:36No, thank you, Aunt Natalie.
20:37Well, don't worry. We'll be back before then.
20:3975 different kinds of coffee.
20:52Hello, is this the Pink Percolator?
20:54May I please speak to Patty Lane?
20:56Patty Lane, she works there.
20:59I'm sure she does.
21:01Oh, Pittsburgh Patty, I believe she's called.
21:06What?
21:08Oh, she can't go on.
21:11Would you give her a message for me, please?
21:13Some nut.
21:15You're on, kid.
21:16I'm sorry, Mr. Healy, I can't go on now.
21:18I have to serve table 16,
21:19and clean up the kitchen, and then I...
21:23Oh, Mr. Healy.
21:25Thank you, Mr. Healy.
21:27Thank you, Mr. Healy. Excuse me.
21:30Rich! Rich, I'm on!
21:31Oh, great!
21:33Good luck. Now, this is your last chance to express yourself,
21:35so pour it on.
21:36Don't worry, I'll be great.
21:54Table for three?
21:55Please.
21:56Crazy.
21:57Right over there, folks.
21:59Crazy.
22:01They do a good business here.
22:03I suppose the kids come in to hear the folk singing.
22:06I'd like to hear them, too.
22:08I've never heard a genuine folk singer.
22:10I imagine they're pretty authentic here.
22:17Hello?
22:18I must speak to Pittsburgh Patty, it's urgent.
22:22She's just about to do her number.
22:24Call back later.
22:29Good luck, Pittsburgh.
22:32Ladies and gentlemen,
22:33Pink Percolator takes pleasure in presenting
22:36the Voice of America,
22:37Pittsburgh Patty!
22:43It's Patty.
22:45Martin, you can't stop her now.
22:47Yeah, but I told her she absolutely could not do this.
22:55I miss my home in the old gray west
23:00Where I grew up with leeway
23:04They say what happens for the best
23:08My homestead's now a freeway
23:13Oop-diddle-deedle-oop-diddle-deedle-oop-deed
23:25Cream and sugar, anybody?
23:29Oop-diddle-deedle-oop-diddle-deedle-oop-deedle-oop
23:34Rich and I gave our notice as soon as we got here.
23:36I mean, we didn't want to just walk out on Mr. Haley.
23:39Yeah, tonight is gonna be Patty's last night.
23:42Papa, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to disobey you.
23:45But I already had the job when you said I couldn't have it.
23:49Patty, Martin.
23:50I was only going to say, Patty, I liked what you did here.
23:55You mean it?
23:56I certainly do.
23:57You wouldn't want to write a review about her, would you, Mr. Lane?
24:00Richard.
24:02Please don't press your luck.
24:04I thought you were great. You gonna do any more?
24:07Yeah.
24:08Uh, let's go, Rich.
24:10What do you have, folks? We have 75 different kinds of coffee.
24:13Oh, you'd like a menu? Coming right up.
24:15Why don't you stick around for the coffee?
24:17Oh, you'd like a menu? Coming right up.
24:19Why don't you stick around for the second floor show? Start soon.
24:22Featuring Pittsburgh Patty for the last time.
24:25I'll get you a menu.
24:28Take care of table 14, kid.
24:30Uh, crazy. I mean, uh, yes, sir. Excuse me.
24:36That boy has finally found his career.
24:39As an agent, as a waiter.
24:47Here's Kathy who's lived most everywhere
24:51From Zanzibar to Farkly Square
24:54But Patty's only seen the sights a girl can see
24:57From Brooklyn Heights, what a crazy pair
25:00But they're cousins
25:03Identical cousins
25:06But they're cousins
25:09Identical cousins
25:12But they're cousins
25:15Identical cousins, and you'll find
25:19They laugh alike, they walk alike
25:21At times they even talk alike
25:23You can lose your mind
25:26When cousins
25:28Are two of a kind