TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 16 February 1966
Patty gets tricked into dumping Richard, so in order to save face she invents a new boyfriend.
Director: Bruce Bilson
Writers: Arnold Horwitt, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Patty gets tricked into dumping Richard, so in order to save face she invents a new boyfriend.
Director: Bruce Bilson
Writers: Arnold Horwitt, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00We'll have a couple of banana delights, chocolate chip, marshmallow drip, and butterscotch whip.
00:11Sounds dreamy.
00:13Must be great to be crazy in love.
00:16You just never seem to get hungry.
00:19Poor Louie.
00:23I guess he's too old to understand people like us.
00:26Aren't we lucky, Rich?
00:28I mean, we found the someone we want and we know that that special someone is always gonna be there.
00:33Yeah, it's spooky.
00:35Drives everything else out of your mind.
00:39Yowie!
00:41What is it?
00:42I forgot to tell Louie to put sprinkles on.
00:52Patty.
00:53Hi, Cynthia.
00:55What did I tell you?
00:56You know Roddy Dawson, the new football captain?
00:58Only to say hello.
00:59He's really someone else, isn't he?
01:00Patty, that's what he says about you.
01:01Roddy Dawson?
01:02Himself.
01:03My brother told me that he is dying to date you.
01:04He is?
01:05Why doesn't he ask me?
01:06Because of Richard.
01:07What about him?
01:08Well, he knows that you and Richard are a thing, you know.
01:09Well, anyway, I thought you'd like to know what might have been with you and Roddy Dawson.
01:10Thanks, Cynthia.
01:11Bye.
01:12Bye.
01:13Bye.
01:14Bye.
01:15Bye.
01:16Bye.
01:17Bye.
01:18Bye.
01:19Bye.
01:20Bye.
01:21Bye.
01:22Bye.
01:23Bye.
01:24Bye.
01:25Bye.
01:26Bye.
01:27Bye.
01:28Bye.
01:29Bye.
01:30Bye.
01:31Bye.
01:32Bye.
01:33Bye.
01:34Bye.
01:35Bye.
01:36Goodbye.
01:37Goodbye.
01:38Here you are, Patty.
01:40Take Guinness.
01:41Wow.
01:41Richard, I've been wondering.
01:42About what?
01:44Don't you think we're too young to go steady?
01:53Meet Kathy who lived most everywhere
01:57From Zanzibar to Barclays Square
02:00The Paddy's only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
02:04What a crazy pair
02:06But they're cousins
02:09Identical cousins all the way
02:13One pair of matching bookends
02:16Different as night and day
02:19Where Kathy adores a minuet
02:23The ballet Russe and crepe Suzette
02:26Our Paddy loves to rock and roll
02:28The hot dog makes her lose control
02:30What a wild duet
02:32Still they're cousins
02:35Identical cousins than you are
02:39They laugh alike, they walk alike
02:41At times they even talk alike
02:43You can lose your mind
02:45When cousins
02:47Are two of a kind
02:57Poor Richard, he must have been terribly upset
02:59Well, he was at first
03:01But I explained to him how wrong it was for people as young as us
03:05And babes in the woods practically to get so deeply involved
03:08Mmm, I see
03:10And then I tried to tell him that
03:12Well, how unfair it was to him for me to monopolize all his time
03:15Yes, of course
03:16How dangerous
03:18Kathy, have you any idea how many people ruin their entire lives
03:22By rushing into early marriages?
03:24No, how many?
03:27Well, you'd be amazed
03:29I dare say
03:31What's his name, Pat?
03:34Whose name?
03:35The boy who suddenly made you feel you were being unfair to Richard
03:39What?
03:40Kathy, what a thing to say
03:43I'm sorry
03:47Hi, Patty
03:48Hi, Kathy
03:49Hi, Rich, sit down
03:50Do you think that's such a good idea?
03:52Considering?
03:53Well, just because we broke up doesn't mean we have to be strangers
03:56No, I think if we're going to break, we ought to break clean
03:59Oh, well, that's very mature of you, Richard
04:02So, if you don't mind, I'll sit over there
04:05See you around
04:06Yeah
04:10Hi, Patty
04:11Oh, hi, Cynthia
04:13I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but what's with Richard?
04:18Cynthia, can you keep a secret?
04:20Of course
04:21You won't tell us all
04:22My lips are sealed
04:24Well, Richard and I have decided to cool it
04:28You mean you're...
04:30Well, yeah, I guess so
04:32I mean, we're still very good friends, but we both feel we shouldn't spend so much time together
04:37Excuse me, Patty, my ice cream's getting cold
04:40I mean, I hope everything works out for the best
04:45Now watch the signal drums begin to pound
04:52Well, mission accomplished
04:55You know, the only thing I feel pretty flaky about is Richard
04:58I mean, it takes a pretty special person to understand him
05:03I hope he won't be too lonely without me
05:10Oh, I don't think you'll have to worry about that
05:13Oh, I don't think you'll have to worry about that
05:20Well, I'm glad he doesn't have to eat alone
05:29If things keep going the way they are going, he might not get to eat at all
05:34Hello
05:39He was never that funny when I dated him
05:50Hi, Patty
05:51Hi, Rich
05:52What are you doing here?
05:53Oh, I had to tell the coach something about the cheerleading
05:57Is practice over yet?
05:59Just finished
06:00How's things?
06:01Oh, just fine
06:03How's things with you?
06:04Can't complain
06:06Take care
06:07See ya
06:11Hi, Roddy
06:13Remember me?
06:14Sure, you're Patty Lane, hi
06:16Hi
06:17Hi
06:18Hi
06:19Nice talking to you, Patty
06:27Hi, Patty, have you seen Richard?
06:29He just left
06:31That's Roddy's latest, Didi Lavelle
06:33He certainly can pick him
06:35And drop him
06:37Cynthia, yesterday you said your brother told you that Roddy was ape for me
06:41Yeah, how about that?
06:43It just proves, Patty, go figure a man
06:47You know, my brother told me she's already got Roddy's class ring
06:51You know something about your brother?
06:53What?
06:54He talks too much
07:01Pat
07:07Patty
07:08Yes, Popo
07:09You sure you don't want to go to that lecture with us?
07:11Oh, no, this book is fascinating
07:13Have a good time
07:18Hey, Patty
07:20You're not sorry you broke up with Richard, are you?
07:22Oh, no, Popo, it was the mature thing to do
07:26Well, it's certainly more sensible at your age to play the field
07:29Have you met any interesting new boys?
07:32Oh, yes, Scabs, the phone hasn't stopped ringing
07:35Don't overdo the social world
07:37I'll try not to
07:39Okay, I'll see you later
07:41Enjoy yourself
07:50Well, don't just sit there, ring
08:00Operator
08:01Operator, this is 624-1098
08:04Would you please ring back and check the line?
08:06I think it's out of order
08:07Certainly, hang up, please
08:12Hi, this is Patty Lane, who's this?
08:14This is the operator, your line seems to be in order
08:18Thank you
08:25Hello?
08:27Hello?
08:29Hello?
08:37Hi, Patty
08:38Hi, Rich
08:39I just came by to return this history book
08:41Oh, thank you
08:43Won't you come in?
08:45Well, just for a sec
08:47I'm meeting Cynthia at the mall shop
08:49Oh
08:51Gosh, the old place hasn't changed a bit
08:55No, not in three whole days
08:57I'm sure it flies
08:58Yes
08:59How's things?
09:00Oh, just great
09:01How's things with you?
09:02Oh, great
09:03I've been seeing a lot of Cynthia
09:05She's a lovely girl
09:07But I haven't forgot what you told me about not getting tied down
09:10I'm also dating Milly, Molly, Julie, Alice and Leela
09:16That's very mature of you, Richard
09:18How about yourself, Patty? You been busy?
09:20Oh, wildly
09:21Who have you been seeing?
09:24Well, to tell you the truth, Richard
09:26All the boys at school seem terribly young to me now
09:31Are you waiting for a call?
09:33Yes, yes
09:34As a matter of fact, I was expecting a call from Keith
09:39Keith?
09:40Yes
09:41Didn't I ever mention Keith Caldwell?
09:44He's this terribly rich and social boy I met up in New Hampshire this summer
09:48He was there for skiing
09:49In the summertime?
09:50Well, when you're that rich, Richard, you can afford to import your own snow
09:54Keith Caldwell, huh?
09:56Yes, yes
09:57You know, he's top man in his class at this very exclusive military academy
10:00No kidding
10:01And captain of the firing squad
10:03Jeanie
10:04Oh, yes, yes
10:05Keith drove down today to show me his new Alfa Rodalfo
10:08He's got an Alfa Rodalfo?
10:10Why, is that something?
10:12Patty, how come she never mentioned this hotshot Caldwell before?
10:17Well, Richard, one doesn't like to drop names, does one?
10:22Uh, Richard, it's awfully chilly in here
10:26Would you mind checking to see if I left the back door open?
10:29Oh, sure, Patty
10:30Thank you
10:36Operator
10:37Hello, this is 624-1098
10:39Would you mind checking to see if this number is working?
10:41Certainly
10:42Thank you
10:48Door's okay, Patty
10:49Door's okay, Patty
10:50Oh, good
10:54Hello
10:55Is this 624-1098?
10:57Just a minute, please
10:58It's the long distance operator, would you excuse me?
11:01Oh, sure
11:05Hello
11:06This is the operator, you're...
11:07Why, yes, Kent, hello, dear
11:10Kent? I thought you said his name was Keith
11:13Oh, well, he's calling from Kent, Connecticut
11:17Yes?
11:18Well, of course I'm glad you called
11:23624-1098?
11:25Yes, operator, my party's on the line
11:29Keith, dear, you were saying?
11:32Oh, dancing at the Peabody Room?
11:36I adore to
11:38And then dinner at Le Magnifique
11:40Oh, Keith, you're too much
11:44Of course I do, silly boy
11:49All right, dear, see you then, ta-ta
11:52What's wrong with that phone?
11:55Hello
11:57Is this 624-1098?
12:00Yes, operator, and everything is fine, thank you
12:07Wow, Patty, you're really living it up with this Caldwell guy
12:10Yes, dear, Keith can deny me nothing
12:13I guess we're both doing pretty good
12:15I guess so
12:16And just think, Patty, if it wasn't for you, we'd still be stuck with each other
12:24Well, yes, Bruce, thank you, I'd love to
12:27Uh, no, I don't know if she does have a date, hold on a moment
12:31Bruce's cousin is coming in from New Jersey to spend the weekend with him
12:34Would you like him to take you to the dance?
12:36No, thanks
12:37No, thanks
12:39Bruce, she says
12:42What's he like?
12:44What is your cousin like, Bruce?
12:48His name is Arthur and he's very intelligent
12:51Forget it, I know the type
12:52You could be wrong, Patty
12:55Ask if he plays chess
12:58Uh, Bruce, does your cousin play chess by any chance?
13:03Intramural champion
13:05About four feet tall
13:08Uh, how tall is he, Bruce?
13:11No, no, in his stocking feet
13:14Forget it
13:15He says he's still growing
13:17How much will he grow by Saturday?
13:25Bruce, does your cousin...
13:27How is his eyesight?
13:30No, no, I've never met him
13:32Honest
13:35Patty, he says he has a wonderful sense of humour
13:38I'll bet it comes in handy
13:41Bruce, Patty says thank you very much anyway, but she can't make it
13:45All right, fine, I'll see you Saturday
13:47Goodbye
13:51Pat
13:53I ran into Richard today and he tried to pump me about this terrific boy you met up in New Hampshire last summer
13:59What did you tell him?
14:01Well, I just listened
14:02Patty, the only boy up in New Hampshire last summer was about eight years old
14:07No, I think he was nearly ten
14:09Why did you do things like that?
14:11Well, I had to come up with something
14:14Since I broke up with Richard, nobody's even asked me for the right time
14:18Now he's suddenly Charlie Irresistible
14:21I'm afraid you made a mistake, Patty
14:24You made Keith sound so glamorous, none of the other boys would ever come near you
14:28Yeah, boys sure are chicken
14:30Patty, how about this?
14:32Why don't you start a rumour that you and Keith had a terrible fight and broke up?
14:36Kathy, you want me to tell a fib?
14:48Hey, Patty
14:50Oh, I'll see you in a minute
14:52Hi, Virginia
14:54Hi, Rich
14:55Hi, Pat
14:56Say hello to Irving
14:57Oh, he's very cute
14:58Richard insisted that I have
15:00And he's getting me a corsage to wear to the dance
15:03Oh, well, you're finally learning how to treat a lady, huh, Rich?
15:06Yeah, Cynthia's teaching me
15:08Gee, I'm awfully sorry we won't be able to join you at the dance tonight
15:12Yeah, you told me
15:14Keith's taking you to Lagogo East
15:16Oh, did I mention that?
15:18Yes, we've come to think of it as our place
15:20I'm so sorry that we won't be able to meet him
15:23Oh, you probably will
15:25What?
15:26What?
15:28I mean, where?
15:30At your house before the dance
15:32I'm driving Bruce over to pick up Kathy
15:34Oh, I don't think that's necessary, Richard
15:36Yes, it is, otherwise Kathy will have to walk
15:38Bruce doesn't have a car and neither does Arthur
15:41Hey, you think Keith will show up in his alfa-redalfa?
15:45I'd really like to see it
15:47Well, I really don't know what time he's going to get there, Rich
15:50Well, we can wait
15:52Well, I'll see you tonight
15:53Yeah, bye Irving
16:00Boy
16:09Oh, it's almost nine o'clock, shouldn't we be going?
16:12What's your hurry, Kathy?
16:14It'll go on for hours
16:16Patty, Keith should be along any minute
16:18I'd like you all to meet him, really
16:20Keith?
16:21Keith?
16:23I suppose so
16:25Richard, would you get the door, please?
16:27You bet
16:29Do you think he'll be wearing his uniform?
16:31Yes, I suppose so
16:33Telegram for you, Patty
16:35Oh, thank you, Richard
16:38Oh, it's from Keith
16:40Darling, I can hardly bear each long moment until I'm there
16:44Love, Keith
16:46Isn't that thoughtful?
16:48Never even send me a postcard
16:49We've only been dating for three days
16:52Oh, here he comes now
16:54I'll get it
16:56Thank you, Richard
16:58I didn't hear his Alfa Rodolfo drive up
17:00Oh, well, that's because it has one of those very special foreign mufflers
17:04For you
17:06Oh, thank you
17:11Oh, aren't you beautiful?
17:14He's beautiful
17:19Roses are red, violets are blue, orchids are sweet
17:22These are you, adoringly, Keith
17:25Aren't you charming?
17:27In an ostentatious way
17:30That must be him
17:32I'll get it
17:37Is this the Lane residence?
17:39Yes, where's Mr. Caldwell?
17:41Oh, the dispatcher said...
17:42Oh, he sent this note, huh?
17:44What note?
17:46Wait in the cab, I'll be right there
17:51Patty, what is it?
17:53It's a note from Keith
17:55Forgive me, darling, will you join me at the Ritz?
17:57I ran into an old friend from Paris
17:59Well, have a nice evening, ta-ta
18:02Boy, what an operator
18:05He certainly is
18:13What is it?
18:15There are two over there, Marvin
18:43Bus 108, now leaving at gate 3
18:47For Newark, Elizabeth, Trenton and Camden
19:01Maybe you don't know it, miss, but we've got a water shortage
19:04I beg your pardon?
19:06That was your eighth trip to the fountain
19:08Sorry
19:10You've been around here a long time
19:13Well, I'm not really waiting for any bus
19:15I kind of like sitting around bus stations
19:18I think you'd be better off home in bed
19:24Bus 110, now leaving for Hoboken, Jersey City, Plainfield and Morristown
19:32Hurry, you'll miss your bus, Arthur
19:43All right, Arthur, you missed your bus
19:46How about you make the next one?
19:48Hey, let's sit down
19:50We don't have too long before the next bus comes anyway
19:53Hey, how about that dance?
19:55It was wonderful, I'm hungry
19:57There's an idea
19:59How much more time before the next bus?
20:01I don't know, about 20 minutes
20:13I don't think Patty's home yet
20:15Oh, I forgot to turn off the garage light, I'll be right back
20:18All right, dear, I'll get the coffee started
20:31Uh, good night, Keith, it was a lovely evening
20:35I'm sorry it's too late to let you in
20:38Uh, good night
20:39Uh, good night
20:41Drive carefully
20:44They just don't kiss good night like they used to
20:49After you
20:59Patty, you amazed me
21:01I sort of flabbergast myself, Papa
21:03What can I say to her after all that?
21:06I'll say it for you
21:07I told a pack of lies which is not only wrong and bad and unethical
21:11It's dumb
21:13I'm forced to agree
21:15Don't worry, Papa, I'm ready to take the consequences
21:18What consequences are those, dear?
21:20Well, I've lost Richard and nobody else wants me
21:23I'll probably go the rest of my life without dating another boy
21:26Anybody up?
21:29Richard, what are you doing here?
21:33Cynthia gave me the air
21:34Because I wouldn't take her to some clip joint called La Gogo East
21:38La Gogo East?
21:40Yeah, I told Cynthia that Keith was taking me there tonight
21:43He took off already, huh?
21:45Yeah, he had to go racing
21:47Richard, there is no Keith Caldwell
21:52There never was, I made him up
21:54Patty, you made it up to make me jealous
22:00Well, I...
22:01Richard, you're very perceptive
22:03Darling, I think our coffee is ready
22:05Good
22:06In the kitchen
22:10Patty, you arranged all that jazz
22:13The telegram and the flowers and all
22:16Just for me
22:18Mm-hmm
22:20Pat, do you think we could start going steady again?
22:24I'd love to
22:26Don't worry, mature people like us won't let ourselves get too involved
22:29I don't think there's anything wrong with getting a little involved
22:45Pat, what are you daydreaming about?
22:48Nothing
22:50I was just thinking, Cat
22:52Wouldn't it be wild if there really was a Keith Caldwell
22:55And years from now we ran into each other?
22:56Patty, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard
22:59He was just a figment of your imagination
23:01I know
23:03But he was such a cute figment
23:06I'll get it
23:11Hello
23:13Yes, this is Elaine residence
23:15Who's this?
23:17Mr. Caldwell?
23:19It's Richard trying to put me on
23:22No, this is Mr. Caldwell
23:23Well, listen, Mr. Caldwell
23:25You may think this is funny
23:27But I think it's just dumb
23:29It's not smart
23:31It's dumb
23:33Because I think practical jokes are the lowest form of humor
23:35And another thing, Mr. Caldwell
23:37Really, that Richard
23:39His sense of humor is so infantile
23:41You'd think he'd stop needling me when...
23:46Hello
23:48It's him again
23:50Listen, stupid
23:51If you don't stop bugging me
23:53You're gonna regret it
23:55I think you're being cruel and inhuman and dumb
23:58Hi, Patty
24:00What's all the yelling about?
24:02Oh, nothing
24:04There ought to be a law against invasion of privacy by telephone
24:06Sounds like a good idea
24:08Where's your mother?
24:10Here I am, dear
24:12Hi, hon
24:14Any calls for me?
24:16No, dear
24:18Who are you expecting to hear from?
24:19I sewed up that deal with him
24:21Wonderful. Say, that's quite a feather in your cap
24:23Oh, yeah, we almost lost him to the evening express
24:25But I turned on the old charm
24:27And who could resist me?
24:29Say, girls, would you do me a favor
24:31And stay off the phone for a little while?
24:33Because I'm expecting a very important call
24:35From the Senator Caldwell
24:36Here's Kathy who's lived most everywhere
24:38From Zanzibar and to Barclays Square
24:40But Patty's only seen the whites
24:42A girl can see her from the heights
24:44What a crazy pair
24:46But they're cousins
24:48Identical cousins
24:50But they're cousins
24:52Identical cousins
24:54Identical cousins
24:56Identical cousins
24:58Identical cousins
25:00Identical cousins
25:02Identical cousins
25:04Identical cousins
25:07Identical cousins
25:09And you'll find
25:11They laugh alike, they walk alike
25:13At times they even talk alike
25:15You can lose your mind
25:18When cousins
25:20Are two of a kind