00:00Hello. I'll try to make this brief as I know that many of you have important
00:11places to go. I know you were expecting the president to address some of the
00:16critiques you've leveled at his job creation initiative today. Unfortunately,
00:21some information has come to our attention that makes it, well, hard to
00:27give a shit. I know, I know, I know, murmur, murmur, murmur, come on, just be quiet while
00:33I ruin you. We're all aware the newspaper circulation has been critically low, but
00:38our theory that no one at all was actually reading your work started in May,
00:43when the New York Times turned what might be the best news story of the decade
00:48into the longest, most awkward headline in the history of run-on sentences. But you
00:54probably
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