Not Rated | 30min | Comedy,TV Series | Episode aired 12 February 1956
Dennis Day presents Jack with a hand-crafted birthday gift and then sings "Autumn Leaves"; Don Wilson asks if his son Harlow can read a Lucky Strike commercial, then gets angry when Harlow can't remember the lines; Frances Bergen and William Holden demonstrate the proper way to do a movie kiss after Frances tells Jack he has "no sex appeal at all."
Writers: George Balzer, Hal Goldman , Al Gordon, Sam Perrin
Stars: Jack Benny, Eddie 'Rochester' Anderson, Don Wilson
Dennis Day presents Jack with a hand-crafted birthday gift and then sings "Autumn Leaves"; Don Wilson asks if his son Harlow can read a Lucky Strike commercial, then gets angry when Harlow can't remember the lines; Frances Bergen and William Holden demonstrate the proper way to do a movie kiss after Frances tells Jack he has "no sex appeal at all."
Writers: George Balzer, Hal Goldman , Al Gordon, Sam Perrin
Stars: Jack Benny, Eddie 'Rochester' Anderson, Don Wilson
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00From Television City in Hollywood, the Jack Benny program with a special guest, Dennis
00:09Day, presented by Lucky Strike.
00:12Light up, Lucky, it's light up time.
00:23Be happy, go Lucky, it's light up time.
00:27For the taste that you like, light up a Lucky Strike, relax.
00:34It's light up time.
00:39There's a time and place for everything.
00:41And the right time for a Lucky is any time you want to enjoy a great cigarette.
00:46And the right place for a Lucky is wherever you happen to be at the time.
00:50You'll always enjoy Luckies because Luckies taste better.
00:54Lucky Strike is made of fine, naturally good tasting tobacco that's toasted to taste better.
01:00Cleaner, fresher, smoother.
01:03And that's why Luckies taste better every time.
01:06So make your next pack of cigarettes Lucky Strike.
01:09You'll find it's the best tasting cigarette you ever smoked.
01:25Thank you very, very much ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Lucky Strike program.
01:29Well here it is, February 12th, and just two days from now, on the 14th, I'll celebrate
01:35my birthday.
01:36I was a valentine.
01:41You know I, you know my relatives still talk about the day I was born.
01:46You know back home walking in Illinois, you know how the doctor, you know the way the
01:49doctor slapped me, you know, slapped me, he was arrested for assault.
01:54And you know the other day I was looking through my album at my baby picture, and there's one
02:01picture of me right after I was born.
02:04They took this picture, and you know when you're that young, you know how your face
02:07is so wrinkled, you see, then naturally you, you know you grow up and you sort of fill
02:13out, you see.
02:15This morning I looked in the mirror, and I'm getting young again.
02:27But I, uh, just think Tuesday I'll be 39.
02:33Time certainly flies, doesn't it?
02:35And I went to see my doctor to get a complete checkup, which I do annually, you see, and
02:41he gave me a blood test and everything.
02:44He asked me how old I was, and I told him 39.
02:47And he told me that's strange because your corpuscles are 62.
02:54I asked him if he meant the red ones or the white ones.
02:58He said the gray ones.
03:03I don't have gray corpuscles.
03:06But you know, I ought to be ashamed of myself.
03:09Here I am talking about me.
03:11Me, and here it is, February 12th, the birthday of Abraham Lincoln.
03:16And there was truly a great man.
03:21Anybody who will walk 12 miles to return a library book and save a three cent fine is
03:27my kind of a guy.
03:33Well, to get on with the show, ladies and gentlemen, I think we should.
03:36I would like to have you meet my singing star who's been with me so many, many years,
03:40Dennis Day.
03:47Hello, Mr. Denny.
03:49Happy birthday.
03:50Thank you, Dennis.
03:51Are you all set to sing your song?
03:53Yes, sir, and I think you're going to like it.
03:55Good, good.
03:56Then I'll leave you and...
03:57Dennis, it's the first time I've seen you with glasses.
04:01Are your eyes weak?
04:02No.
04:05Well, have you...
04:07I mean, are you nearsighted?
04:09No.
04:11Well, have you astigmatism?
04:12No.
04:14Well, then why are you wearing the glasses?
04:15My uncle died and left them to me.
04:23It's a shame.
04:24I mean, your uncle died.
04:26Yeah, I can't see a darn thing with them.
04:29Of course not.
04:30You have to have a prescription to wear.
04:32Now, take those things off.
04:33Oh, okay.
04:34Dennis, you're such a silly kid, really.
04:36I mean, don't you...
04:38Just because someone leaves you something in a will, you're not compelled to wear it.
04:43I'm not?
04:44No.
04:45Want to buy a set of teeth?
04:46No, I don't.
04:51Now, look, Dennis.
04:53You can stop making up things to your uncle, didn't I?
04:56I saw him on the street.
04:57He was walking down the street this morning.
04:59That was my aunt.
05:00He left her his clothes.
05:06Dennis, look, Tuesday is my birthday.
05:09I'm trying to feel good.
05:11Will you do me a favor?
05:13Just sing your song and don't talk, all right?
05:16Okay, but before I sing, I have a birthday gift for you.
05:19A what?
05:20A birthday gift?
05:22Yeah, that's right.
05:23Now, I'd like to give it to you right now.
05:25Oh, would somebody please roll that table out here for me?
05:29Dennis, if this is one of your tricks...
05:31No, no, honest, it isn't.
05:32Thanks very much.
05:33You're going to love this.
05:38Dennis!
05:40It's me in such a wonderful likeness.
05:43I had it specially made for you.
05:45It took four weeks.
05:46Gosh, I really am flattered.
05:48You know, I got the idea in a museum.
05:50You know, they got busts of Napoleon and Caesar
05:52and Benjamin Franklin, Lincoln, Washington.
05:54Gosh, going to all that bother.
05:57Dennis, that's just wonderful.
05:58You know what I'm going to do?
05:59I'm going to put it on a pedestal
06:01and keep it right in the middle of my living room.
06:04No, no, in the kitchen.
06:05It's a cookie jar.
06:06What?
06:24The ear is a corkscrew.
06:28Look, Dennis.
06:29And you know something else?
06:30What?
06:31The mouth makes a wonderful bottle opener.
06:32Dennis, would you try it?
06:33And I can squeeze oranges right here.
06:34Cut that out!
06:36And I don't want any presents.
06:38Now just sing your song and leave me alone.
06:40That's all I want.
06:41Cookie jar.
06:46These are good.
06:58The falling leaves drift by the window.
07:06The falling leaves of blue and gold.
07:14I see your lips.
07:20The summer kisses.
07:25The sunburned hands I used to hold.
07:34Since you went away, the days grow long.
07:42And soon I'll hear the winter song.
07:55But I miss you most of all, my darling.
08:06When autumn leaves start to fall.
08:18Since you went away, the days grow long.
08:25And soon I'll hear the winter song.
08:38But I miss you most of all, my darling.
08:52When autumn leaves start to fall.
09:26You know, even though Dennis is silly, he has a beautiful voice.
09:34Ladies and gentlemen, before going on with the show, I'd like to do something that I very seldom do.
09:40In fact, I've never done it before.
09:41I'd like to make an exception of this.
09:43I usually do not introduce people sitting in the audience.
09:45But there happens to be a very good friend of mine here that I'd like to have you meet.
09:49One of our great, great stars, most popular and finest actors in the motion picture industry, Mr. William Holden.
10:04Bill, congratulations on the photo play award the other night.
10:08And sitting next, sitting next to Mr. Holden is the gentleman who is directing him right now on a picture called Toward the Unknown.
10:16Mr. Mervyn LeRoy.
10:23Mr. LeRoy has directed many, many great pictures, and he just concluded The Bad Sea, which I know you're all going to enjoy.
10:31And you know what?
10:32One thing about Mervyn, Mervyn LeRoy, even though, I mean, we've been pals for years, he has never taken advantage of our friendship by asking me to appear in one of his pictures.
10:49Those kind of friends I don't need.
10:56Now, you know, I'll tell you, somebody else.
10:59Oh, Don.
11:00Don Wilson.
11:04Oh, Jack, excuse me for interrupting, but you've heard me speak of my son, Harlow, haven't you?
11:10Harlow? Oh, your son, the one who's studying to be an announcer?
11:12That's right.
11:13And, oh, I'm so proud of him, Jack.
11:15He's been working very hard, and yesterday he graduated.
11:18And, Jack, I was just thinking, if he could do the commercial tonight, it would mean an awful lot to me.
11:24Well, does he know the, uh, you mean our Lucky Strike commercial?
11:27Oh, yes, yes, that's right.
11:28It would be a big break for Harlow and sort of give him the kind of start he needs for his announcing career.
11:33I see.
11:34Well, he knows, he knows the commercial.
11:36Oh, yes, yes, of course.
11:37I've been rehearsing him for days.
11:38He knows every word of it.
11:39Oh, well, then bring him out, certainly.
11:40Oh, gee, thanks, Jack.
11:41You're welcome, sir.
11:42Come on out, son.
11:49Harlow, shake hands with Mr. Benny.
11:52How do you do?
11:53This is your son, isn't it?
11:54Oh, this is my boy.
11:56He doesn't have hardly any resemblance.
12:00Well, are you all set, son?
12:02Yes, Dad.
12:03Okay, okay.
12:04Harlow, let's have the commercial.
12:09L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T.
12:13Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Lucky Strike, uh, uh, means...
12:19Last one.
12:20Oh, yeah.
12:21Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Lucky Strike means, means, means...
12:26Means fine tobacco.
12:27Can't you remember anything?
12:28Don.
12:30Look, I've told you this a thousand times.
12:33Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.
12:36Now, get that through your head and keep it there.
12:40Don, wait a minute.
12:41I mean, after all, he's your son.
12:43He's trying.
12:44Trying, trying.
12:46All right, go on, Harlow.
12:48Okay.
12:52Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Lucky Strike is the only cigarette that's, that's...
12:58That's toasted to taste better.
13:00Oh, yeah, that's toasted to taste better.
13:05So for the taste that you like, light up a Lucky Strike, the cigarette that is so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy...
13:17So free and easy on the draw.
13:19Gee, I could ask a hundred people on the street and they'd know that.
13:23You've got a brain in that skull of yours.
13:24Now, use it, use it.
13:26What is that, a head or a cookie jar?
13:33Don, you're embarrassing the lad.
13:34Oh, you stay out of this.
13:36That's for you, Harlow.
13:37That's for you.
13:38You're going home.
13:39And you're going to be punished.
13:40From now on, no more car.
13:41No allowance.
13:42No movies.
13:43And I'm going to cut you down to five meals a day.
13:46Get out.
13:47You and your 300-pounds of luggage.
13:49Get out of here.
13:58Gee, I didn't know that Don had such a temper.
14:02You know, I always thought that fat men were jolly.
14:06Let's see, what was I going to say?
14:08Oh, yes, ladies and gentlemen, there's someone else in the audience I'd like to introduce.
14:12You know, every actor has his favorite role, every singer his favorite song,
14:18and, well, every comedian probably his favorite television show.
14:22And my favorite, the one I enjoyed doing the most,
14:24was the one I did a few weeks ago with the two live dummies,
14:27Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snurd.
14:31And the lovely guest star who was on that show is sitting here,
14:34Miss Frances Bergen.
14:42He was so good on that show.
14:44Bill, Bill Holden, did you, you saw that show, didn't you?
14:51The one I did?
14:52No, I didn't.
14:53Oh.
15:01Well, it was very good.
15:04Frances was just wonderful.
15:05Frances, why don't you come up on the stage and let Bill see you?
15:09Oh, come up just for a second, let everybody.
15:11Come on, let's get her up.
15:19Frances, I must tell you once again, you were so wonderful and so lovely on that show.
15:25And, you know, it caused a lot of talk.
15:27Well, thank you, Jack.
15:28I enjoyed doing it.
15:29And you know what's happened since then?
15:31What?
15:32Well, I did a show with Dick Paul on Four Star Playhouse,
15:35and just recently I had an offer to make a picture at 20th Century Fox.
15:39No kidding.
15:41Yes, so you see, you really discovered me.
15:44I?
15:45Yes.
15:46I discovered you?
15:47Sure.
15:48Well, heavens to Eddie Cantor.
15:52Frances, that's wonderful that you're going to make a picture at 20th Century Fox.
15:56You know, I haven't made a movie in such a long, long time.
15:59Gosh, it's been years, not since...
16:01Well, anyway, it's been a long time.
16:03And, you know, I know a lot of people at 20th Century.
16:06I'm just wondering, as long as you're going to make a picture there,
16:09do you think you could talk to them,
16:12and then maybe I could get a part in it, you know, to play opposite you in this picture?
16:18Well, Jack, this is a dramatic story, a dramatic picture with a romantic love story.
16:24And if you played opposite me, you would have to be my lover.
16:28Well, what's wrong with that?
16:32Well, in the first place, you're a comedian, a funny man.
16:37Not when I'm necking.
16:44Now, Frances, you know, I've made a lot of pictures, and good ones too,
16:48like George Washington slept here, and To Be or Not to Be, and Man About Town.
16:53And yet, for some reason or other, the studios have never been able to grasp the real me.
17:01I mean, I've never been able to achieve the success that, let's say, Clark Gable has had,
17:06or Robert Taylor, or William Holden.
17:11Now, why is that?
17:13Gee, Jack, I've been in show business such a short time, I don't think I'm the one to ask.
17:18Oh, no, sure you.
17:19Well, naturally, I've seen a lot of pictures.
17:21And being a woman, I might be able to tell you the reason.
17:25But I don't know if I should.
17:28Oh, I don't mind. Really, I don't.
17:30Well, now, please don't misunderstand me.
17:33I think you're very clever, and you're very talented, and you have a lot of charm.
17:40I know.
17:45Maybe you lack the most essential thing that's necessary to become a success on the screen.
17:51I lack?
17:52Yes.
17:53What?
17:55Sex appeal.
18:01What are you laughing at?
18:09Frances, you mean I...
18:11I mean, I have no sex appeal?
18:15I'm sorry.
18:17You're sorry? I'm sick about it.
18:25Well, look, Frances.
18:28Well, look, Frances.
18:30Don't you think that if I were given the opportunity to play that kind of a part on the screen,
18:38I could be another Gable or a Taylor.
18:41I mean, a Robert Taylor. A Taylor I can be.
18:45Or a William Holden.
18:49Well, Jack, let me put it this way.
18:53Suppose you weren't Jack, then.
18:55Suppose you were Robert Taylor.
18:57Or Mr. Holden.
18:59Now, if you were William Holden, do you think I could stand here so coldly?
19:09So calmly?
19:11Just talking to you?
19:25You couldn't, huh?
19:27Oh, no.
19:29Why, if you were William Holden, I'd want to come closer to you like this.
19:35And maybe caress your cheek like this.
19:56Why, I'd even want to kiss you like this.
20:06Now, you see, that didn't affect me at all.
20:09That's funny. I'm a wreck.
20:16Well, Frances, I know what you mean, but let me explain something to you.
20:21When you mention William Holden, you see him on the screen where he's playing a part,
20:28he's acting, he's giving a performance.
20:30Now, I can prove to you that sex appeal or being a lover is merely a case of,
20:34well, it has something to do with the environment, atmosphere,
20:37maybe the story of the picture. I can prove it to you.
20:40You can?
20:41Yeah. Now, look, I want you to close your eyes.
20:43And forget that I'm talking to you.
20:45You know, just close your eyes and think of me as, well, Holden, William Holden.
20:49And we'll play a love scene, a really emotional love scene.
20:52I'll prove to you that my kiss and Holden's, it's the same thing.
20:56Would you like to try it?
20:58What are we talking about?
20:59Oh, anything. Just impromptu. Any kind of a love scene.
21:02We'll just make it up. I'll start.
21:04Now, remember, I'm William Holden.
21:06I'm not.
21:07Just a lovely, nice, whatever you can think of.
21:10Now, remember, I'm William Holden.
21:12I'm not.
21:13Just a lovely, nice, whatever you can think of.
21:15Now, could we have just a little soft music?
21:17May I have a little of this, please?
21:19Now, remember, I'm Holden.
21:22Oh, Frances. Frances.
21:25Oh, my darling, it's really you.
21:28And I thought you were leaving without saying goodbye.
21:31Oh, my poor dear, I should have told you.
21:33But I'll be back.
21:36I'll be back, even though a thousand miles shall separate us.
21:40Our cruel fate to meet in part with nothing left to cherish
21:45but the ecstasy of love's first kiss.
21:48Love's first kiss.
21:50Kiss me, my sweet.
21:51My darling.
21:53Oh, my darling.
21:55Oh, my darling.
21:57Oh, my darling.
21:59Oh, my darling.
22:01Oh, my darling.
22:03My darling.
22:09Kiss me.
22:10To think that we may never meet again.
22:16Kiss me.
22:17To think...
22:18Kiss me!
22:20Holden!
22:21Holden, Holden.
22:24Just a minute, Jack. Just a minute.
22:25Bill!
22:29Wait a minute, Bill.
22:33Look, I'm right in the middle of a love scene.
22:36I'm sorry, but look, I sat out there and took all I could take.
22:42And believe me, as a friend, I just had to get up here and help you.
22:46Now, first, really about that dialogue.
22:50I'll be back. I'll...
22:55Where are you going?
22:58I was going home.
22:59And look, Jack, you were so nervous.
23:01You were so nervous, and you're so pale.
23:03Well, if you had great core muscles, you'd be pale.
23:09I just want to say one thing.
23:10You know, making love on the screen is my business.
23:14I get paid for it.
23:15So, if you'll just stand aside, I'll show you how this thing should be done,
23:20and then you can take over.
23:24Now, uh...
23:25Bill.
23:26We haven't met. I'm Bill Holden.
23:27How are you doing?
23:28Now, you just watch this, guys. Everything will be okay.
23:31Now, Frances, would you...
23:33You give me that line, the one you just gave Jack.
23:36Oh, if I can remember.
23:38Oh, yes.
23:39Our cruel fate to meet in part with nothing left to cherish
23:43but the ecstasy of love's first kiss.
23:47Kiss me, my sweet.
23:58Kiss me.
24:28Kiss me.
24:54Jackie, these guest stars won't be back in just a minute,
24:56but first, here's a word to cigarette smokers.
25:22There's a happy way to make ends meet.
25:24Put the end of a match to the end of a lucky and...
25:29pop.
25:31It always adds up to real smoking enjoyment.
25:34Why?
25:35Well, first, because lucky strike means fine tobacco.
25:38And then this fine, good-tasting tobacco is toasted to taste even better,
25:42cleaner, fresher, smoother.
25:45So, any time you want to lighten a problem,
25:47light up a lucky.
25:48For the taste that you like,
25:51light up a lucky strike.
25:53Right now.
25:55Light up a lucky.
25:57It's light up time.
26:13Frances, this was such a nice surprise and everything.
26:16I want to thank you for being on the show again.
26:18And Bill, thanks so much for coming over.
26:20Thank you, Jack. It was a pleasure.
26:21Thank you, Jack.
26:22Thank you, Jack.
26:23Good luck.
26:24Good luck.
26:25Ladies and gentlemen, I...
26:27Huh?
26:28What?
26:29My ring?
26:30Oh.
26:40She can see anything, I think.
26:42Ladies and gentlemen,
26:44I would now like to...
26:47Mr. Benny.
26:48...say that...
26:49Mr. Benny.
26:50I thought you went home.
26:51Well, I was, but I thought maybe you could help me.
26:52You see, I got an invitation to a wedding
26:54and I don't know how to get there.
26:55Which way to Monaco?
26:59In the first place, it isn't Monaco.
27:02It's Monaco.
27:03And in the second place, the wedding isn't until April
27:05and the invitations aren't even sent out yet.
27:07Well, I got my invitation right here.
27:09Look.
27:12Dennis,
27:13that's not Monaco.
27:15That's Monica.
27:16Santa Monica.
27:18The wedding isn't in Europe.
27:19It's at the beach.
27:21Oh, then I'll have to take a different bus.
27:23Yes, I would.
27:30When you get to the beach, keep going.
27:36Well, ladies and gentlemen,
27:37be sure to watch Anne Southern next Sunday.
27:41And then in two weeks,
27:42I'll be back...
27:44with Bob Crosby and Mary Livingston
27:47and Rochester and Don Wilson
27:49and my whole gang.
27:51Thank you very much.
27:56Filter smokers, it all adds up.
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28:03the best in filtered smoking.
28:05All the pleasure comes through.
28:07The taste is great.
28:09Filter Tip Taritan smokes milder,
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28:16because it contains activated charcoal
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28:20So when you smoke Filter Tip Taritan,
28:22all the pleasure comes through.
28:24The taste is great.
28:32The Jack Benny Program has been brought to you
28:34by the American Tobacco Company,
28:35America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes.
28:37The Jack Benny Program has been selected
28:39for viewing by our armed forces overseas.
28:42Ladies and gentlemen, this is Don Wilson.
28:45And here is a reminder from the American Tobacco Company.
28:48A killer may be stalking your family.
28:51He's public enemy number one.
28:53His name, heart disease.
28:55Strike back.
28:56Fight heart disease through your heart association
28:59or send contributions to heart care of your post office.
29:03Help your heart fund by helping your heart.
29:08Be sure to watch Jack Benny's show in two weeks
29:11when he'll have as his guest Mary Livingston,
29:13Bob Crosby, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson.