00:01Good afternoon Lamborghini. Hello. Hello. Hello. I'd like to buy a new car please. Okay. Yeah, no worries. What kind
00:13of car would you like? A fast one. I want the fastest one that you do. Okay. My bike. My
00:21bike's broke. What colour would you like? My favourite colour is red.
00:28Fantastic. Do you know what? The fastest car that we've got in the showroom today is a red car but
00:33you've got to be quick though because I've got somebody coming down to deposit on it. Don't tell them not
00:37to put a deposit on it. Tell them I want it. My name's Tim. I want it. What's your name?
00:44Tim. Tim? Tim. No.
00:51No, T, T, T for Tim.
00:54T, T for Tim, so T for Tango, I for Hindi and M for Mike, yeah?
01:01No, T for Tim, A for Tim and M for Tim.
01:07Tim.
01:08Okay, so, listen, how are you going to pay for the car, though?
01:11How are you going to pay for the car?
01:13I don't know.
01:16What shall I do?
01:19Well, we can do finance or, you know, you're going to pay cash or, I mean, how are you going
01:23to pay for the car?
01:25Because I can't let you take it away without paying for it, obviously.
01:27Oh, you don't pay for it? I've got, I've got, how much is it?
01:33This one is, uh, £390,000.
01:42I beg your pardon?
01:46£390,000.
01:46I can do 67p a week, and, because that's what I get from the spends, and then I can have
01:55it.
01:57Well, all right, that was good. That's a start.
01:59Why don't you come down, let's book an appointment, come down, we'll talk to the finance chap then,
02:03and we'll see if we can get you some terms on some finance, how about that?
02:06How fast does it go?
02:08This one would go 220 miles per hour.
02:12Oh, we're looking at something faster.
02:16There's not much out there that's faster than that, without spending a hell of a lot more money.
02:21Well, I can do 63, I can do 63p a week.
02:2563, a week, yeah.
02:27I might be able to squeeze out 65p, at a Porsche, and then I can get something proper fast car.
02:37What's the fastest car?
02:40Yeah, what's the fastest car?
02:42What's the fastest car? It's probably this one here, actually.
02:46The red one.
02:47Yeah, that'll be the red one.
02:49Why don't you come down, come down this afternoon, have a look at the car, and we'll talk about some
02:53finance, how about that?
02:54When I say how fast does it go?
02:56Does it go, meee, or does it go, meow, like that?
03:02No, definitely the later, it's the latter one, it's like a meow, like really, really, really quick.
03:08It's not fast enough.
03:11You have to do it faster.
03:13You have to go, meow, like that.
03:16I thought that's what I said, wasn't it?
03:18No, it didn't.
03:20It didn't sound fast enough.
03:23Do it again, meow.
03:26You come down here, you come to the showroom, we'll have a talk about the car, I'll show you around
03:30the car, and I'll take you from there, alright?
03:33Why don't you come and pick me up in it, and then if I don't like it, you can just
03:36go back.
03:38No worries, give me your address, what's your address?
03:40Is that home?
03:42Okay, home, no worries at all.
03:44And what's your phone number, the phone number that comes off of my screen here, is it?
03:49I'm not sure.
03:52I don't know.
03:54You don't know.
03:55What's your home address?
03:58My house.
03:59My house, I suppose that's my street, my town, is it?
04:03Yeah, near my shops.
04:05Yay, there we go.
04:07We've got there.
04:08How do you know where I live?
04:11It's a wild guess.
04:13Have you been stalking me?
04:15What's going on now?
04:16No, I definitely haven't been stalking you.
04:19I definitely haven't been stalking you.
04:20I'm a bit too busy trying to sell cars.
04:23Are you my dad?
04:26Am I your dad?
04:27No, I'm definitely not your dad.
04:29How do you know?
04:31Because I know my two kids.
04:33I definitely don't have any that sound as squeaky as you do.
04:36Yeah, but I might be one of yours.
04:41Because my mum said that your dad is a car salesman.
04:46Oh, really?
04:47Well, do you know what?
04:47There's more than a few of us.
04:49There's quite a lot in the UK.
04:51And then she said, and then she said, there's a car salesman and I said, what cars?
04:56And then she said, oh, I might be the milkman or I might be the window cleaner.
05:01So, I've got to ask.
05:03I've got to ask everyone if you're my dad.
05:07Oh, well, I'll tell you what then.
05:09It's going to take you quite a long time.
05:11Why don't you train some other people and just see if they're your dad as well, yeah?
05:15I can't ring everyone.
05:17I've hung up.
05:18You'll have to.
05:19You'll have to ring them, won't you?
05:21Because I don't know who he is.
05:23He's not here.
05:24And he's not one of our window cleaners either.
05:26I thought you were my dad.
05:28No, I'm not your dad.
05:31Wait.
05:33Are you going to sell me a car?
05:36Listen, you, I think you need to find your dad first.
05:39So, you, best of luck finding him, all right?
05:43And, um...
05:44I've been looking forever.
05:45I don't think I'll ever find him.
05:47Well, I'm not surprised.
05:48I'm not surprised if you've got to ring every window cleaner and every car salesman in our world.
05:53Yeah, right.
05:54It's going to take you forever.
05:56It's going to take you a long time.
05:57And that's why I need a fast car so I can drive everywhere, try and find him.
06:01That's what I was going to say.
06:02That's what I was going to say.
06:03So, listen, to come down, buy our car, and you can whizz around and speak to everybody in person.
06:07You're much quicker.
06:09Yeah, but is it...
06:10Meow.
06:11Or is it...
06:12Meow.
06:13Well, fast, is it?
06:14It's a hard point.
06:14It goes up there.
06:15It goes up there.
06:16Meow.
06:17It goes really, really, super, duper fast.
06:19That's not fast enough.
06:22Put a turbocharger in it then.
06:24Do some aftermarket stuff to it.
06:28And then, can I have a different one for a Saturday?
06:31Because I've got a girlfriend, and she might get bored of the red one.
06:37Where are you?
06:38Have you got a black one?
06:40We've got one, two...
06:42Yeah, we've got two black ones in it.
06:43I only need one.
06:45All right, well, you can have one of these then.
06:47Just have it.
06:49No, not have it.
06:50You've got to give me 63 pence a week for it, haven't you, for 600 million years.
06:54And then you can have it.
06:5563 pence.
06:56Don't make me out to be cheap.
06:5953...
06:59That's what I said, 63 pence.
07:00So, you set up to 65 pence.
07:02I can't...
07:0365 pence is pushing it.
07:06Oh, well, let's call it 64, and then we're both happy again, aren't we?
07:09I've got fruit shoots to buy.
07:15All right, well, listen, Tim, it's been lovely talking to you.
07:18I genuinely do have to go now.
07:20I've got to make some phone calls, but you think it, all right?
07:22Okay, Dad.
07:23See you in a bit.
07:24Cheers, then.
07:25Cheers, bye.
07:26Bye.
07:27Bye.
