Gogglebox Season 25 Episode 2
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00Happy birthday from Morocco.
00:02I like the colour.
00:04From Marrakesh in Morocco.
00:06OK.
00:07From the continent of Africa.
00:10Oh, this is a bit of me, then.
00:12Isn't it?
00:13Yeah, thank you.
00:16Huh?
00:17It's to be worn around the house.
00:19Don't tell me, I'm wearing it.
00:20I knew it, you're going to be in home bargains,
00:21and I can't even cope.
00:22Home bargains, Aldi, everywhere.
00:26Me in warehouse.
00:27Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:29Oh, that's me, YOLO.
00:33You always get one, don't you?
00:35What's going on here?
00:36Nobody wants to bum all terrorised.
00:38Right, I'm not watching anymore.
00:41Who shot him?
00:42Him.
00:43Yoo hoo.
00:44Yes, yes, yes.
00:45Oh, no.
00:47I like it already.
00:48Is that a bum?
00:49What is it?
00:50Oh, oh, oh, it's bleeding.
00:54Oh, I'm getting all gousy.
00:56Well, what exciting times we live in.
00:58In the week EastEnders celebrated its 40th birthday,
01:02we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:05We checked into Thailand for a new series of steamy whodunit,
01:09The White Lotus.
01:19There's nothing more cringe than that, honestly.
01:21Yeah, but it would work on me.
01:24I'll turn around like this.
01:25Easily, please.
01:26I'll be like...
01:30Straight up staring.
01:31Yeah, I'll be like...
01:34Joel Swash was making a meal of it on Channel 4.
01:37If you can't beat it, batch it.
01:40He's coming over to the batching side, Suzanne.
01:42Another one.
01:43The thing is that we don't cook batch cooking friendly meals.
01:48For example, pheasant, duck, chicken.
01:51We eat a lot of birds.
01:54And we headed off to Amsterdam to face our fears.
01:58There's a place that changes people's lives.
02:01This is the most bizarre day of my life, I think.
02:04Helping those with the most extreme phobias.
02:07I've got a phobia of vacuum cleaner.
02:10And old cleaning appliances and products.
02:13I've got a phobia of the dishwasher.
02:15I've emptied the bin, the washing machine.
02:18Hanging washing up, I've definitely got a phobia of that.
02:21Go and look in my bedroom.
02:23You'll see my phobia's severe.
02:32In Derby...
02:33So, obviously, it's Valentine's Day and Mel has betrayed me again.
02:38I don't understand.
02:39The Siddiquis.
02:41There was a pile of cards.
02:43What did you say? Are we not buying any presents?
02:44Yeah. And then I saw this pile of cards.
02:47And I said, none of them are Valentine's Day cards for me, are they?
02:50And she looked me in the eye and goes, no.
02:53So, I come downstairs, there's a card there
02:56and there's this heart-shaped brownie there.
02:59I was furious, honestly.
03:03She always won up on you, isn't she?
03:04Yeah. That's what it's all about.
03:06And, like, the kids couldn't...
03:07Amelia couldn't understand why I was so upset by it.
03:09And then I sat her down and I explained and I said,
03:11look, marriage and relationships are about scoring points.
03:16That's all it is.
03:18Now, Mel's got one up on me in terms of that.
03:21So, you didn't get her anything? I didn't get her anything.
03:23On Saturday night, more fitness fanatics entered the arena on BBC One.
03:28You know how you work out your gladiator name?
03:30What you do is you get your first name and then put The Gladiator after it.
03:34So, mine would be Pete The Gladiator.
03:36SHE LAUGHS
03:38Yeah. What would yours be?
03:40SHE LAUGHS
03:42MUSIC PLAYS
03:44MUSIC CONTINUES
03:47Electro.
03:48I've got some of these gladiators on my Instagram.
03:51Have you? Mm-hm.
03:52How come you follow gladiators on Instagram?
03:54Kids like to look at them.
03:56MUSIC CONTINUES
03:58This gets me sweaty, you know.
04:00Yeah, you feel like you've got a good workout watching this, innit?
04:02Yeah. It's the first of our male contenders taking to the track.
04:06It's Joe.
04:07CHEERING
04:08Gymnastic Joe has excellent body control.
04:11I bet he's really nimble, this guy.
04:14Well, gymnast.
04:15He's going to have speed and agility on his side, he is, old Joe.
04:19Contender, you will go on my whistle
04:21and then The Gladiator will be unleashed.
04:24Unleashed sounds horrendous.
04:26I hate even being chased up the stairs.
04:27The way I'll be terrified.
04:29Yeah, I'll be looking over my shoulder like this.
04:31Hard, like.
04:32WHISTLE BLOWS
04:33Joe looks sharp as he races into action.
04:36Who is it on...
04:37Oh!
04:39Oh, my God, it's Apollo.
04:41He come out the block steamy.
04:44And Apollo will do everything he can to catch the contender.
04:47How quick is he?
04:48Oh, Apollo's absolutely going for it.
04:50Quick after the foam blocks
04:51and he nearly wipes out on the bend as well.
04:53Oh, God, he's gaining on him.
04:55It's like being at the Greyhounds, eh?
04:57This is Apollo's chance.
04:59He's closing...
05:00Ah, no!
05:01Oh, bloody hell, they've got him.
05:02Closing, but he's missed the tag.
05:04No, no, they haven't.
05:06Missed him. He got lucky.
05:08He got lucky. He got very lucky.
05:10I can't believe it. Joe...
05:12Wow, he was close there, you know.
05:14He was. He nearly ripped the arse out of his pants.
05:17Didn't he?
05:18Next up, it's Junior.
05:22Come on, Junior!
05:24I don't know who to root for. They're both good-looking.
05:27Is that what you're focusing on?
05:29I always focus on that.
05:31Junior's background in sports and dance
05:33builds all the endurance he'll need.
05:35He's not a junior.
05:36Wait, he's 44?
05:37This guy's senior.
05:38I wouldn't like that at fucking 24.
05:40WHISTLE BLOWS
05:42And he's away.
05:43Go on, Junior! Go on, Junior!
05:45Who's going to be unleashed on Junior?
05:47It's Phantom!
05:48Oh, my God!
05:50Oh, he's no chance.
05:51Oh, flipping heck.
05:53He's up on Junior already.
05:55You'd better shift, Junior.
05:56Look at his big gazelle legs, Jesus Christ.
05:59Through the foam barrier with a stumble.
06:01That gives Phantom the chance he needs.
06:03Ah! He's going to get caught.
06:04He's going to get him! He's going to get him!
06:06And he avoids slipping on the bend.
06:07Oh!
06:09He's got him. He's got him.
06:10Bloody nasty.
06:11I thought he would have done well, Junior.
06:13After picking up an injury in a later round...
06:16And his hand straight away went to the back of his thigh.
06:18Ooh, straight on the hammy.
06:20Oh, I've done that, you know, with my hamstring,
06:22getting my suitcase off the carousel at an airport.
06:25Oh, it didn't half it.
06:26..a patched-up Junior faced Joe in the Eliminator.
06:29WHISTLE BLOWS
06:31So, here we go.
06:32It's the gymnast versus the dancer.
06:34Joe has a full-second head start.
06:35I'm going to be honest, that's not really fair, is it?
06:38You know, Junior's got a busted leg.
06:40Exactly.
06:41Two fantastic contenders, but only one can win.
06:44Oh, it's... Oh, God, he's hit his leg.
06:46He's not going to cope with this, is he?
06:48He's got to protect that hamstring as well
06:50as try and make up the gap on Joe.
06:52I can't believe how well Joe's doing.
06:53He's flying, isn't he?
06:54It's amazing what he can do with two working legs.
06:57Eyes firmly fixed forward, eyes on the prize.
07:00God, Joe's well ahead.
07:02And I just wonder if he can beat the Eliminator record.
07:06Is he going to break a record? Of course he is.
07:08Is he going to break the record?
07:09Look at that, Eliminator record, one minute, four seconds.
07:11Look how close Joe is.
07:12He can waste no time setting off.
07:14Come on, then! Come on!
07:15Get up there, quick, go, go, go, go!
07:17He's going to beat it.
07:18At one minute, four seconds, he's done it!
07:21He's done it!
07:22And now he's three!
07:24One second.
07:25Go!
07:26One second.
07:27Oh, my D!
07:28What about Junior?
07:31This has been a heroic effort.
07:32He's got to finish it.
07:34He's got to finish it now.
07:35Come on, Junior, hop your way across that beam, you can do it.
07:39But now...
07:40I don't know if he's going up there.
07:41He's got a struggle in here now.
07:42He is.
07:43Because this will be the biggest test of all for somebody with a pulled leg.
07:47Oh!
07:48Face plant.
07:49It's leg giveaway, then, you could see it.
07:51No, his leg's gone.
07:53Oh, don't try any more, Junior.
07:55Give it another go.
07:56I don't think Junior's listening to Mark.
07:58He's going to have another go at it.
07:59Well, firmly in true grit.
08:02He's going to do it, all right.
08:03He's going to make sure he does it.
08:05Oh, no, his leg.
08:06Oh, he's going, he's going.
08:07Look, he is doing it.
08:08He's got fresh wind.
08:09Junior grimaces his way to the top.
08:12Yes!
08:13No, no, he's done it, he's done it, he's done it, he's done it.
08:15He's rapid in getting there.
08:17Oh!
08:19No rope needed!
08:20He was... I don't give a shit about the rope.
08:23Get me in bed!
08:24LAUGHTER
08:28Oh, look at that.
08:30You see, when things get too hard,
08:32give up. Give up? Yeah.
08:37In home...
08:38Hey, Jenny, remember what we were talking about the other week?
08:40When you were saying you've got a bony arse?
08:42A bony bum? Oh, you've got me footies hot.
08:44Can't wait to see you in them.
08:46..best friends Jenny and Lee.
08:48God, what size are they?
08:50They're only little.
08:51Look, they've got the bum on them.
08:54Oh, they're padded bum.
08:56Well, let's have a go. Oh, my God.
08:58You're not taking your... Oh.
08:59No, I'm not taking my trousers off.
09:01God, for that. Let's see what they look like.
09:03Oh, Christ. Oh.
09:04LAUGHTER
09:07Are they weighing you down?
09:10Ooh. Hang on.
09:11Oh, I like them legs. The wires are hanging.
09:13Are they?
09:15Oh, I like them.
09:17Ooh.
09:18WHEEZING
09:20Cheeky butt.
09:21LAUGHTER
09:23I like them. Oh, my God, you'll be twerking soon.
09:26Does it...?
09:27LAUGHTER
09:28They look real funny.
09:31On Thursday night, people in power suits
09:34were pulling out all the stops again on BBC One.
09:37HE HUMS
09:41If you spill tea on my carpet, you're dead meat.
09:44I'm starting to enjoy The Apprentice now.
09:46I know that. I think it's having a... What's it called?
09:48Renaissance. Yeah, having a new...
09:52Lease of life. Lease of life, thank you.
09:54You're fired.
09:57Who's going this week?
09:59I'd love to be fired.
10:00I'd love to do something so outrageous that I'd got fired.
10:03Stick with me, kid.
10:05LAUGHTER
10:08In South London...
10:10..New Covent Garden Market.
10:12Oh. Oh, New Covent Garden.
10:14Yeah, I know it.
10:16Fruit and veg. Fruit and veg.
10:20Good morning.
10:21Good morning, Lord Sugar.
10:22Morning, Lord Sugar.
10:24I'm giving you half a ton of fresh produce
10:28to turn into cash.
10:30Half a ton?
10:31Well, do you know what?
10:32Both of us have worked in fruit and veg.
10:33We'd be good on this task.
10:35We have tomatoes there and potatoes here.
10:38Oh, what would I go for? I'd go for potatoes.
10:41I've thought of something that can use potatoes and tomatoes, Mary.
10:44Frittata. Fritt... Frittata. Yeah.
10:47So, I would like to put myself forward for project management.
10:50Oh, you put yourself forward every friggin' week, Norm, won't you?
10:53She's been likeable in a china shop so far, though, hasn't she, dear Ellie?
10:56Brainstorming ways to peel a profit from spuds.
10:59So, what are we thinking, team?
11:00Jack of potatoes, chips.
11:02Roast? Boiled potato, my favourite.
11:04Honestly, the options are endless.
11:07You could do giant hash brown sandwiches.
11:10So, I was thinking of potato skins that are loaded.
11:12Loaded potato skins, yes, yes, yes.
11:15Melted cheese under the grill. Mm!
11:17So, I disagree, team.
11:19Oh, here we go.
11:20Interesting. What's she going to say?
11:22So, I think bangers and mash is the way forward.
11:26Bangers and mash?!
11:27Look at Karen's face. She would have said,
11:29-"What? Bangers and mash?" SHE LAUGHS
11:31Well, where's the bangers coming from?
11:33They've got to buy sausages then, haven't they?
11:35The costing perspective is what probably worries me the most
11:37about the sausage and mash. Exactly.
11:39If they're selling it as street food,
11:41who wants to walk round eating bangers and mash?
11:43No. Gravy everywhere.
11:45So, I'm going to take the lead on this.
11:47I'm going with sausage and mash.
11:48Shut up, we're having sausages and mash.
11:50I've never once at work gone,
11:52oh, I really fancy bangers and mash for lunch.
11:54Exactly. You have bangers and mash
11:56if you're going round to your mum's for tea. Your nan's.
11:58Planning to turn bangers and mash into piles of cash, Nadia's team.
12:02So, this is the Aberdeen Angus. Yeah.
12:04The thing is, with an Aberdeen Angus sausage,
12:07well, they're not cheap sausages, are they? No.
12:10So, that's the most expensive one, so that's £3.50 for two.
12:13For two bleeding sausages?!
12:15Bloody hell!
12:17You want at least four.
12:18So, I'm going to make a call on this.
12:20I'm going to call the Aberdeen Angus sausage.
12:21I said... SHE LAUGHS
12:23I'm going to make a call on this. My one.
12:25My call again, surprisingly.
12:26Is she just hungry? Is she doing that thing
12:28when you go and do a big shop and you've not eaten
12:30and you buy a load of weird shit?
12:32Yeah, she's making decisions with her stomach.
12:34OK, shall we move on to the mash, then?
12:36I like a bit of horseradish in my mash.
12:39I'm going to take charge of this. Yeah, yeah!
12:41Horseradish for the win.
12:43Why can't you just have mash on its own?
12:44I just like mash on its own. Yes, we know.
12:46Don't want horseradish in my mash. No, we know.
12:48How can she decide I want horseradish?
12:51What's this got in it? Garlic. Garlic, yeah.
12:53Garlic's nice. I like garlic. Garlic's a crowd-pleaser.
12:56Tell me of someone who don't like garlic.
12:58That's... No. You don't like it?
13:00Oh, God, no. SHE LAUGHS
13:03She's so extreme. Oh, God, no!
13:05The garlic is ten pence per hundred.
13:07It's super, super cheap. It's super cheap.
13:09So, not only does the garlic taste better,
13:11it's also more cost-effective.
13:14You'd think it'd be a no-brainer.
13:15But let's have a guess at what Nadia's going to say.
13:18So, mash, we're going to do with horseradish.
13:21No!
13:23Oh, my days! Why is she acting like that?
13:25Wow.
13:26Did you fancy some classic baggers and mash? No.
13:29Greenwich Market.
13:30Can we... 13 pounds!
13:32SHE SCREAMS
13:3313 pounds for baggers and mash!
13:39You'd take yourself off to Spoons.
13:40No.
13:41Baggers and mash? No, thanks.
13:43Nope. Not at that price.
13:45Baggers and mash? No, no worries.
13:46What do you think? It's OK.
13:48Just OK? It's OK.
13:49I'm hungry, but I'm not that hungry.
13:52It's not going down well, is it, Mary?
13:54If we end up losing this task, it's definitely Nadia to blame.
13:57She made poor decisions throughout the whole task.
13:591,000%. 100%. 1,000%. I agree.
14:02She did! She didn't take any of the team's advice, did she?
14:05Not one bit.
14:06There's no iron team, but there is in Nadia.
14:08And it's that kind of Cavalier philosophy... Yeah.
14:11..that will ultimately be her downfall.
14:13I think I know who's going home this week.
14:20In the room...
14:21You sit next to Auntie Abs and we'll do a sticker.
14:24Oh, you're doing some stickers?
14:26They're Mama's strawberries.
14:28They're mine?
14:29They're mine.
14:30They're mine. They're mine?
14:32..best friends Abi and Georgia.
14:37I want to say I want a new Mama.
14:39Oh, one for me!
14:41Thank you!
14:43Mmm, is there one there for Hugh as well?
14:46Mmm, is there one there for Hugh as well?
14:48That one's for you. You sit here, next to me.
14:51Mmm, thank you.
14:54Oh, is it nice?
14:56Mmm, nice.
14:58This week, everyone's favourite Boy Scout
15:01was still stalking celebs on Netflix.
15:08Do you mind? Can you be quieter when wrapping them?
15:11I'm trying to watch Celebrity Bear Hunt.
15:13It'll be gone in three seconds.
15:15What makes a nice and easy watch for me is Holly Willoughby's on it.
15:19Oh, God Almighty, woman.
15:21She had a nice T-shirt on.
15:23Khaki? Yeah, quite fitted.
15:25Oh, God Almighty.
15:27I can sport a fitted khaki T-shirt if you want.
15:30It's not quite the same.
15:34Celebrity Bear Hunt.
15:36I don't even think I'm getting this right, you know.
15:38With Bear Grylls, eh?
15:40Why?
15:42Is he called Bear, really? Is that his real name?
15:45I bet it's got a different name.
15:47What, like?
15:49For today's challenge,
15:51the two teams have been brought here to Pandora Beach.
15:54Pandora Beach. I quite fancy going there.
15:56Oh, that looks lovely. Can we go there but not do whatever they're doing?
15:59Where they will undergo the ultimate test of endurance,
16:01speed and, of course, teamwork.
16:03Oh, I hate speed and I hate teamwork.
16:07All whilst 100 metres away from the safety of shore
16:10in shark-infested waters.
16:12What are they going to do?
16:14They're putting people in shark-infested waters?
16:16That water will be about as much shark-infested as that cup of coffee.
16:19For the survivor at sea,
16:21the number one priority is always to reach dry land.
16:24Oh, he's good, isn't he?
16:26I tell you what, there's no flies on him.
16:28Always try and get yourself on dry land.
16:30You're not the sea. It's wet as fuck.
16:33For this challenge,
16:35bears face the selection of supply bags
16:37on and around two rescue rods.
16:39Oh, my God.
16:41They then take the supply bags, release their raft anchors
16:44and pull their rafts along with the bags
16:46back to shore as quickly as possible.
16:48That's not going to be easy. No.
16:50He used to do things like this on the 18 to 30s things, didn't they?
16:53Yeah.
16:54I've had team-building exercises like this.
16:58Stand by.
16:59Why is he taking his top off?
17:01Jesus Christ.
17:03There's not much evidence of man-boob, is there, Mary?
17:06OK, go.
17:07Oh, he's pushed her off!
17:10Go!
17:11Steph!
17:12Oh, Jesus!
17:13Geronimo!
17:15Lawrence has landed on Steph's part lunge.
17:18Get to the raft as quickly as possible.
17:22Yeah.
17:23Get to the raft.
17:24That is when I can let my kind of jungle training take over.
17:31The only jungle training Lawrence has had
17:33is when he picks out a leopard print rug.
17:37There was a moment where I noticed that Mel was already in the raft.
17:40Love that for the girls.
17:42I looked back and I saw Lawrence just struggling.
17:45Where's Lawrence, Steph?
17:46Lawrence is trying to get in. I knew he was going to struggle.
17:51I kept throwing myself at the raft, trying to get up.
17:54Where's he gone now? You can't even see him.
17:56Come on, Lawrence!
17:57He's in trouble, is he, Liv?
17:59Suddenly, I am in some high of vital flight.
18:04Oh, he can't breathe, he's having a panic attack.
18:06Oh, shit, he's in some trouble here, Liv.
18:08Oh, no, Lawrence!
18:12Oh, my God, he's actually drowning!
18:14Oh, I don't like this.
18:17Looks like Lawrence is needing some help here.
18:21Ah!
18:22Oh, my God, he looked like a dolphin!
18:24Busted like that!
18:25He nearly said...
18:26Good job, Bessie, it's helped Lawrence.
18:29I'll save you!
18:31Oh, Liv, he can't breathe.
18:33Oh, he's panicking, he's panicking.
18:35I'm going to get the boat in, OK?
18:39What's that sign?
18:40That's a signal!
18:42Emergency!
18:43What is that? What sign is that?
18:45Have you got a hat?
18:47OK, we're going to get you ashore.
18:49You're all good.
18:50He's having a good time of it, is he, Lawrence?
18:52No.
18:53I'm sorry, Carla.
18:54I'm sorry!
18:55I'm sorry, Carla!
18:58He's now zooming off like Pamela Anderson.
19:01I'm really tight across my chest.
19:04I think he's having a heart attack.
19:06Is he dying?
19:07No, they wouldn't show that, would they?
19:14Oh, poor thing.
19:15Can't they take the cameras off him?
19:17No, it's interesting.
19:18Oh, great!
19:23You in the bikini, you can look after me.
19:26Why is the medic in a bikini and earrings?
19:28It's OK.
19:31I just think there's no BB gun.
19:33Oh, look at him, he's gone pale.
19:35That's the palest I've ever seen him.
19:37I can't even see them.
19:38Oh, he's struggling.
19:40Oh, don't leave, he's struggling.
19:42Medic's on, Lawrence.
19:43Someone give me a thumbs up.
19:45Lawrence, put your thumb up.
19:46I think it's obvious there's a big thumbs down at the moment,
19:49Bea.
19:50Look at him.
19:51Lawrence, you're back.
19:52I mean, are you all right?
19:53I'm fine, I'm fine.
19:54Because looking at you now, I'm sort of worried about you.
19:56Yeah, no, no, no.
19:57He's got a canner again.
19:58It'll be fine.
19:59You can't be all right if you're sat there with a gas mask on
20:01in your face.
20:02Is that an umbrella getting held over his head?
20:04Yeah, he doesn't want to get his own stroke as well, does he?
20:06I became a very panicky old man.
20:09You know, I was just really silly.
20:11I kind of, you know, I sort of threw myself at it a bit too hard.
20:16Oh, he's getting upset, Cliff.
20:18Oh!
20:20I feel bad for laughing now.
20:22I do feel sorry for him.
20:23It must have been so scary.
20:25Lawrence, we need to get some ivy drips into you,
20:28some saline solution.
20:29We need to keep you in the shade, cool you down, hydrate you,
20:32because you guys at dawn are going into the bear pit.
20:35Oh, my God, what?
20:37Oh, cos he lost!
20:39And you're still going into the bear pit, Lawrence?
20:41I think that's so unreasonable.
20:43This reminds me of that one time when I was in Tent Reef
20:46and I threw up trying to get inside.
20:48I threw up in the sea.
20:51Trying to get inside, back in the boat, cos I fell off the boat
20:55and then the instructor tried to lift me back in.
20:58I said, let go, you're embarrassing me.
21:00I can do it on my own.
21:02Why did these situations happen to you?
21:04And then I threw up because I drank so much of the ocean water.
21:07So I was throwing up everywhere.
21:09That is disgusting.
21:13In Leeds...
21:14Do you know what is it I can't stand about your house?
21:17What? Your cups?
21:19You hate my cups!
21:20Do you know what?
21:21I was actually thinking of nearly buying a cup today for your house
21:24while I was in Arndale Centre.
21:26Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
21:28I mean, this is OK, but your mugs...
21:30Are too big for you. Too big for me, yeah.
21:32Too big for you. Your mugs, not big enough for me.
21:34Too big, too chunky.
21:37And I don't like the designs.
21:40Oh, it's getting personal now.
21:42Yeah.
21:44You know, I don't like the designs of yours, they all look cheap.
21:49That's cos they are, cos I bought them all from charity shops.
21:54On Monday night, it was all about cost-cutting cuisine on Channel 4.
22:01No. No.
22:03Do you even know what batch cooking is?
22:05No.
22:06Am I an idiot? No.
22:07Yes, I know what batch cooking is. What is it, then?
22:09Being cooked for everyone.
22:10No!
22:11Are you cooking loads of food?
22:12That's not batch cooking. Are we cooking loads of food?
22:14Turns out you're an idiot.
22:17I'm Jo Swash.
22:18Ah.
22:19Jo Squash.
22:20Swash.
22:21Squash.
22:22Swash.
22:23And as a busy parent of six kids...
22:25Six kids!
22:26That's an house full, innit?
22:28Bloody right.
22:29I know getting tasty, healthy food on the table can be tough.
22:32Their house must be a madhouse.
22:34So I've teamed up with the batch lady, best-selling author Suzanne Mulholland.
22:39Oh, my God, I've seen her on Instagram!
22:41Have you? Yes!
22:42I need to follow her, I've never heard of her.
22:44I've seen her cos I get loads of targeted cooking things on my popular page.
22:48I'll create monthly meal plans that will change lives forever.
22:51Oh, what could be more boring than having a monthly meal plan?
22:57I'm not being funny.
22:58How do I know what I want for my tea in a month?
23:00Yeah, in 30 days.
23:01In 30 calendar days, do I want penne arrabiata?
23:05No.
23:07Batch cooking and batch food
23:10is something that we don't really do in our family, is it?
23:14It doesn't work for us.
23:15No.
23:16Because we're all fat boom-booms.
23:20For telecoms manager Richard and teacher Claire,
23:23home and work life is a constant juggling act.
23:26Sounds familiar.
23:27I feel your pain. Tactic.
23:29Like many working families,
23:31finding time to all eat together at mealtimes is almost impossible.
23:35It's a free-for-all, I think.
23:37Yeah.
23:38This kitchen screams to me of do whatever you want.
23:41Dinner times often start with the same familiar question.
23:45What's for dinner?
23:46What's for dinner? I don't want that.
23:48And they're often left making unhealthy choices
23:51that are seriously lacking in nutrition.
23:54So you're getting takeaway?
23:55Yeah, takeaway.
23:57That'll cost a fortune, so they're just spending wasteful money.
23:59This could be in our Michelle's house, this.
24:01I'll wolf this down and then we'll get off, right?
24:03Oh, listen, I've had a few instant noodles and that.
24:06To answer the problem, Claire favours a high-protein diet,
24:10so regularly cooks steak and eats it by herself.
24:14What?
24:15She's just having a steak on her own? That sounds all right, actually.
24:18She's having a great time.
24:20You know, he's tucking into the noodles
24:22and she's chowing down on a nice bit of sirloin.
24:25Yeah.
24:26To really understand how bad the pals' mealtimes have become,
24:30we've installed cameras to monitor the family's every move.
24:34Oh, I wouldn't like the cameras watching me like that, flipping heck.
24:37The secret camera in our house, it just shows Sean going in all the time.
24:40Yeah. Sean's in the fridge again.
24:42Right, guys, are you ready to see what we found?
24:44Oh, no. No.
24:48Oh, look, this is the little girl.
24:50Indy's just making her own way into the fridge.
24:53Oh, wow.
24:54Is that whipped cream?
24:56That were definitely me when I were that age.
24:58You used to eat butter from the fridge with a spoon.
25:00I know. And dog biscuits.
25:02Given free reign in the kitchen,
25:04the kids are choosing snacky foods high in fat and sugar.
25:07No nutrition in a doughnut.
25:09Nice, though. Mm.
25:11I used to eat my doughnuts in the toilet.
25:14I did.
25:15If I got a doughnut from shop, I wouldn't eat them
25:18where the kids was or where Ray was.
25:20He used to sit on the toilet and eat it.
25:22For the past month, we've also been analysing every receipt,
25:25every shopping trip and every penny spent on feeding the family.
25:29How much have you been spending? Oh, Lord.
25:31So we've got here £160 on stake.
25:36We're not pointing fingers, sweetheart, but that's you.
25:39You spend £256.60p a week.
25:44A week? A week.
25:46Fucking hell.
25:47So they're doing a grander monthly on food?
25:50Shit!
25:52I need these two to come round my house and sort me out
25:55and shame me into doing better.
25:57Yeah, I need it as well.
25:58We have a plan, OK, and it's going to definitely help you.
26:01I've created a complete balanced meal plan,
26:04covering every meal for 28 days.
26:07Ooh, this is nice.
26:09I need this.
26:10Wow, look at the balanced meal plan.
26:12Yeah, but, you know, my problem is I don't like everything on there already,
26:15I can tell.
26:16I've boosted their breakfasts with options like porridge and frozen berries,
26:21high in fibre, protein and micronutrients.
26:24No, I don't like that. Look at that for breakfast.
26:26Where's they like the bacon and egg?
26:27She's got to batch cook that.
26:29What?
26:30We shall have to have a week on the stake.
26:32Lunches have been replaced with our quick batch-made frozen sandwiches,
26:36wraps and bagels.
26:37First sandwich is frozen.
26:39Oh, I don't feel like that.
26:40All three's is a fucking sandwich.
26:42I don't think I'd like that.
26:44Do you?
26:45No.
26:47The key to making it work is setting aside a small block of time each week
26:52to cook multiple dishes at once.
26:54Small block of time each week, you know, 30 to 40 hours.
26:58So if you continue this journey for a year,
27:01you can expect to save £8,104.
27:07Ooh, that's worth saving, isn't it?
27:09That's amazing.
27:10I'll be going, we're going on holiday.
27:11Pack your bags, we're going on holiday.
27:13Exactly.
27:14You know, think of all the steaks she could buy with eight grand.
27:16Yeah.
27:24In Kent...
27:25Hey, Bonnie.
27:26You comfy now?
27:27She looks very comfy now.
27:2972 hours in, she's not doing too bad, is she?
27:31No, she's doing well.
27:32We only got her on Saturday, didn't we?
27:34Hopefully she's found her forever home now.
27:36Hopefully.
27:37..Michael, Sally and their sons, Jake and Harry.
27:40Where are you going to sit, Bom-Bom?
27:43Yeah, that's you.
27:44Come on.
27:45Bonnie just can't make her mind up.
27:47Oh.
27:48Oh!
27:50Bonnie, are you going to come over here?
27:53Aw!
27:54Get up!
27:55On Tuesday night,
27:56a national treasure had something new to do on Channel 5.
28:00Hands up if you want to watch a doggie programme.
28:02Put my nail in!
28:03Now, I like dogs and I like Alan Titchmarsh,
28:06so I think this will be good.
28:10Alan's training dogs!
28:12Well, there you go.
28:13Get down!
28:15Fudge!
28:16They're so well-behaved, aren't they, our dogs?
28:18Fudge, get down!
28:20In the programme,
28:21we met a rescue dog from Ukraine called Drogo.
28:25Despite being rescued from a war zone,
28:28Drogo still seems unsettled.
28:31Oh!
28:33Oh, poor Drogo.
28:34See what you've done, Putin.
28:36A big dog like this can't stay sedentary.
28:38They need to keep moving around.
28:40Oh, it's lazy.
28:41Yeah.
28:42Now he needs a job.
28:44Honestly, these foreigners coming into our land,
28:47just sitting there mooching.
28:49Scrounging.
28:50Yeah.
28:51We just need to get his spark back.
28:53Ooh, there's a nice little jerk in you wearing, Alan.
28:56We're going to train Drogo to be a water rescue dog.
29:00Wow.
29:01I've never heard of a water rescue dog.
29:03Have you, Moon?
29:04No.
29:05We come to a specialist dog training pool.
29:07Oh, here we go.
29:08Oh, a nice little swimming pool.
29:10A warm and safe space for Drogo to get his paws wet.
29:13And he's not going it alone.
29:15Hey!
29:16All right, Alan!
29:18Oh, God, look at...
29:19Oh, that's all I want to see, him in a wetsuit.
29:21I love the fact he's got a T-shirt on over his wetsuit.
29:25Right, so do you want me to go in a bit and sort of coat?
29:28Yeah.
29:29Yeah, where the steps are.
29:30We might give you a little bit of sausage.
29:32What's going on here?
29:34There's a lot for the eyes to take in in that.
29:37Come on, a bit of sausage.
29:39Come on.
29:40Want to sit with me?
29:41Oh, my God, he's going to rescue Tishmarsh.
29:44But Drogo is showing no interest.
29:47Come on, Drogo.
29:48Drogo is having none of it.
29:50He don't want the sausage, does he?
29:52He don't want to even get his feet wet.
29:54No.
29:55Drogo, I have put on a wetsuit for temperatures
29:58and you won't come in with me?
30:02Oh, he's gone!
30:03Oh, he's gone outside.
30:05He's sick of Alan's shit.
30:07He's just walked off.
30:11A few weeks later,
30:13the moment Drogo had been waiting for had finally arrived.
30:17Oh, he's going to try the rescue drill now.
30:20This is the real thing, one of the real deal.
30:22Come on, Drogo.
30:26In these situations, it's important to reach the victim swiftly.
30:30I don't think this is going to go well.
30:34You can see he's chomping at the bit, he's ready to go here.
30:37Well, he's watching, he's watching.
30:39He's in the right direction.
30:45Come on, Drogo.
30:48Come on, Drogo.
30:50Drogo, come.
30:51Oh, he's coming.
30:53He's put a paw in at least.
30:55Come.
30:56Good boy, good boy.
30:57Come on, come on.
30:58No, wrong way, wrong way, feet's wet.
31:01Come on, come on.
31:03Oh, hang on, he's looking.
31:04He's watching.
31:06Drogo, come, come, come.
31:08Come on, come on.
31:10Come on, Drogo, lad.
31:11Is he going in?
31:12Come on, lad.
31:13Yes, Drogo.
31:14Good boy, good boy.
31:16Good lad, he's in.
31:19Good boy.
31:20Alan's crying.
31:24Well, look at him go.
31:27Look at him.
31:28He's swimming to get the big mummy.
31:32Good boy.
31:36Yes, Drogo.
31:38He's got him.
31:39Oh, it almost makes me want to fall out my kayak.
31:46But he's bringing them back.
31:47Look.
31:48Oh, my God.
31:49Now, I wouldn't trust him in a genuine emergency.
31:51Yeah.
31:52But he's done well there in a false emergency.
31:55You used to say,
31:56my dog's going to be trained to police standard
31:58when we were getting these,
32:00and is she trained to police standard?
32:02Watch.
32:03Fudge attack.
32:05Fudge attack.
32:07Attack.
32:08See?
32:09Can she sniff out drugs?
32:11Can she sniff out bombs?
32:13She can sniff out brownies in handbags.
32:18In Wiltshire.
32:19So, one of the few compensations of winter, Mary.
32:22Yes.
32:23Is that you don't get stung by biting insects.
32:26Yes.
32:27Wrong.
32:28Yesterday, I was stung by a biting insect.
32:30Giles and his wife, Mary.
32:33And it was because I put this glove on.
32:35And there was an insect in it?
32:36Yeah, and I got the glove from outside,
32:38where it was drying nicely in the sun,
32:41and I don't know whether or not the insect will appear or not.
32:47Nothing in there.
32:49So, the lesson is, don't leave gloves out.
32:52Ah, there we are.
32:53Oh, it's still alive, Mary.
32:54Oh, it's not.
32:55Oh, my goodness.
32:56Oh, what the hell is it?
32:57Oh, my goodness.
32:58Isn't that horrible?
32:59Oh, it's a horrible wasp.
33:00It's a hornet or a wasp.
33:02On Tuesday night, there were more people having a panic on Channel 4.
33:06I don't like rats.
33:07I don't like clowns.
33:09I don't like policemen.
33:11I'm frightened of them.
33:13I am frightened of them.
33:14Really?
33:15Yeah, really.
33:16I don't...
33:17I'm absolutely scared to death of them.
33:21You've got a fucking dart, a rose wand.
33:23In the heart of Amsterdam, there's a place that changes people's lives.
33:27I'm sure there's many places in Amsterdam that change people's lives, to be fair.
33:30With a revolutionary new treatment based on the latest developments in neuroscience.
33:35Yeah, but what normal person goes in a coffin unless they're dead anyway?
33:39I just feel like my legs are going to go.
33:41I feel like one of your fears is probably being in the office, isn't it?
33:46My greatest fear is that you two never move out.
33:51Nat's got a phobia of getting down on one knee, clearly.
33:54The phobia that I have, it's kind of ridiculous.
33:58What is it, mate?
33:59Come on, then.
34:00I'm quite suspicious of them.
34:01I don't know what their agenda is.
34:04Go on.
34:05If it's a man or a woman.
34:07What?
34:08No.
34:09Not its gender, like, the agenda.
34:13I'm James.
34:14I have a phobia of clowns.
34:18Oh!
34:19I'm with you!
34:20I'm with you, James.
34:21I'm with you.
34:24Hello.
34:25Oh!
34:26No, he's gone.
34:27Good.
34:28How are you?
34:29Hi.
34:30Great that you're here.
34:31Yeah.
34:32That was not that scary.
34:33What is about them, Jenny?
34:34It's because you can't see who they are.
34:36You can?
34:37You can't.
34:38You can't see who's behind that big red nose.
34:41What is your name again?
34:42Rob.
34:43Rob.
34:44Rob, the clown.
34:45A clown's name's Dumbo.
34:47The clown's name's Dumbo.
34:49Brilliant.
34:50Are you ready?
34:51Shall we open it?
34:52Christ, this is going to be full-on for James, though, isn't it?
34:56He's going in.
34:57Yeah.
34:58Ah!
35:03OK, let's go.
35:04He's going in, Jane.
35:05Do you know what he needs now, Natty?
35:07What?
35:08Some Dutch courage.
35:09Ha-ha.
35:11It's OK.
35:13Oh, he's already breaking down.
35:15He's freaking out.
35:16Bloody, he's freaking out.
35:17Let's go.
35:21Who's in the room now?
35:23And you can come closer.
35:25This is so dumb.
35:26He's getting annoyed, isn't he, cos he feels silly, doesn't he?
35:29Come on, James, just do it.
35:31Kiss him.
35:34Yeah, a little closer, up to here.
35:36Come on, James, you got this, man.
35:38Him not speaking is 100% making this worse.
35:41Oh, Jesus Christ, I know.
35:43Maybe you can make some movement.
35:45Try to look at it.
35:46Oh!
35:47SHE LAUGHS
35:49SHE LAUGHS
35:52Look into his eyes, you can do it.
35:54You really can do it.
35:55Look, look, look, look, look.
35:57I'll purposely do this, look.
36:01Shall we go?
36:02Yeah.
36:07Oh, that's it, he's off-skis.
36:09That's day one.
36:10Oh, my God.
36:11Is he cleared?
36:13Well, hardly.
36:16Oh, is he going in again?
36:17Yeah.
36:18See if there's any improvement.
36:21He's done more brand-new things to do before.
36:23SHE LAUGHS
36:25You can talk with him.
36:27What's your name?
36:29Rob.
36:30Oh, God, he's communicating with him.
36:32How did you become a clown?
36:35Bitten by a radioactive clown.
36:37THEY LAUGH
36:38My brother has a circus,
36:40so he needed a clown for his circus, so I became a clown.
36:44Oh, that's nice, he did it to help his brother out.
36:47Is this your full-time job?
36:50No, no, I was a police officer.
36:52Oh, really?
36:53A police officer, man.
36:54Oh, that's reassuring.
36:56But then would that maybe scare you more?
36:58Mm.
36:59Then you've got a clown on the inside.
37:01Yes, that's the truth, yes.
37:03You see, he's laughing now.
37:05Are you still at work?
37:07I had an accident.
37:09I was sitting in a wheelchair.
37:11Oh, he ended up in a wheelchair.
37:13Oh.
37:14I was in a rehabilitation clinic.
37:17Yeah.
37:18They had to walk.
37:20Aw.
37:21Bit of common ground here, Soph.
37:23So now I hope to make everybody happy in the club.
37:26Not everybody.
37:28That's really nice.
37:29Yeah.
37:35Oh, I love it.
37:36Oh, yeah.
37:37Aw, he's hugging the clown!
37:39He's hugging the clown!
37:41Wow.
37:43Wow, this is amazing, isn't it?
37:47Oh, and he even wants to shake his hand as well.
38:00In Leeds...
38:01Wait till you see what Toby got me for Valentine's.
38:04Card in a box.
38:05..sisters Ellie and Izzy.
38:07Izzy, our first of many, thank you for being the absolute best.
38:11I bloody adore you.
38:13Happy Valentine's Day.
38:14I love you loads and lots more.
38:16Toby.
38:19How sick are you feeling now?
38:24I need to take a picture of it and send it to Nat so he can cringe.
38:27Yeah.
38:28I mean, I would love Nat to write that for me,
38:30but if I said that to him, he'd go...
38:33In Hull...
38:34Can you believe that, Jenny, look?
38:36What is it?
38:37My emails.
38:38How many?
38:39823?
38:40..best friends Jenny and Lee.
38:43I saw Saga there.
38:44Was it a Saga holiday?
38:46No!
38:47Are you sure?
38:48That's my insurance.
38:49Is it?
38:50I can tell you're getting old when you go with Saga, don't you?
38:53Yeah.
38:54No!
38:55Jet 2, Rhino, Whizzer, Pegasus, Saga, booking.com, eBay, eBay,
38:59Poundland.
39:00I'm even fucking Poundland.
39:02What's that for?
39:03Emails in Poundland.
39:04What do you do, then?
39:05Get a discount.
39:06Do you?
39:07What, for a quid?
39:09On Monday night, the holiday from hell was back on our screens
39:13on Sky Atlantic in the exciting return of this.
39:17You know what time it is?
39:19What?
39:20Ooh!
39:21What?
39:22Ooh!
39:23Wait, what's time?
39:24I've been waiting a year for this.
39:27Julia might enjoy this now, right?
39:29But on the back of that, don't think you're booking two weeks
39:32in the White Lotus in Thailand after this,
39:34cos it's not a holiday programme.
39:38Patrick Swajanikas, innit?
39:40Swajanikas?
39:41That's our niece, isn't it?
39:47Do you know what?
39:48It's not on my list of places to visit at the minute in Thailand.
39:51Not on my radar.
39:52Not on my radar.
39:53Not bothered to, what?
39:54I know somebody that went to Thailand and got chased by a pack of dogs.
40:02Oh, it's idyllic.
40:04Where's that?
40:05Thailand.
40:07My name is Amrita.
40:09Zion.
40:10Zion?
40:11Zion is one of my favourite names, you know.
40:13Mm.
40:14How do you find Thailand?
40:15Fucking cheap, isn't it?
40:17Shall we begin?
40:19Yeah, yeah, let's do it.
40:21Close your eyes for me.
40:24Close your eyes.
40:26Join in, it's free.
40:27It's a luxury, I can sell this.
40:29Free meditation, Padre.
40:31Take a moment to settle.
40:35And focus on our breathing.
40:37And exhale, fully release.
40:42Do not fully release, Sian.
40:47What's that?
40:48We heard something.
40:49What was that?
40:50Was that gunshots?
40:51That's what I was thinking.
40:52Let the sounds of the external world fade away.
40:57Oh, I'm scared something's going to happen.
41:00What is he hearing?
41:01Yeah, that was definitely gunshots.
41:03Wow.
41:04Ma'am?
41:05Ma'am, that's a gun.
41:06Huh?
41:07A gun?
41:09Oh, no!
41:10Fucking hell.
41:11My mum's out there.
41:12My mum's out there.
41:13Zion?
41:14No, no, no.
41:15What the blazes?
41:16Who's shooting this place up?
41:17What's going on?
41:18Oh, he's getting in the water.
41:19Oh, he's gone.
41:20Oh, commando on it.
41:21Checking on his mum like a good child.
41:23Oh, that is a good boy.
41:24Well done.
41:25Good boy.
41:26I'll do that for you.
41:27Oh, thanks, Jay.
41:28It's all right.
41:32Jesus Christ, he couldn't make much more noise if he tried.
41:35Please let my mum be OK.
41:36Please.
41:37He's saying a prayer.
41:38Both of that, Padres.
41:39I don't know if I'll do this to find mum, you know.
41:41I'll be like, hopefully she made it out.
41:44We'll see you on the other side.
41:46Oh, what's coming?
41:47What's in the water?
41:48Yes.
41:49What's floating?
41:52Is that a crocodile?
41:54Dead body.
41:55Oh, shit.
41:56I thought it was a crocodile.
41:58Huh?
41:59It was like that when we saw that donkey on the Nile, wasn't it?
42:02That dead donkey.
42:03That was a bloody shock to me, that.
42:07Oh, my God.
42:08Oh, my God.
42:09Oh, my God.
42:10Oh, my God.
42:11Oh, my God.
42:12Oh, my God.
42:13Oh, my God.
42:15MUSIC PLAYS
42:17That's more like it.
42:18We're back on holiday now.
42:20Here we go.
42:21Corn change.
42:24One week early.
42:25Oh, that's right, though.
42:26We'll start with the ending first.
42:30Right, we're arriving at the White Lotus, aren't we?
42:36That's got to be Arnie's son on the left.
42:38He's jacked.
42:39Oh, my God.
42:40And in his face, he's the absolute spit of him, isn't he?
42:43Yeah, he looks like his dad.
42:45Wow.
42:46Yeah.
42:47Hi.
42:48The Redler family, yes?
42:49That's us.
42:50How was your flight?
42:51You know it's a posh place
42:52when they walk around in white trousers.
42:54We flew over the North Pole.
42:56Fucking forest goons on holiday.
42:59Pam, would you please escort them to the villa?
43:02Yeah.
43:03Get them away from me, Pam.
43:05Right this way.
43:06Enjoy.
43:08Enjoy.
43:09Enjoy.
43:10Swadikap, swadikap.
43:14Dad, Dad, I know I gave you shit, but this place is clutch.
43:19Oh, God, I can't stand him already.
43:21I can't stand the whole family already.
43:23What's clush mean?
43:24Nice, bad sounds of it.
43:26Clush.
43:27Lovely.
43:28Saxon works for his father.
43:30They love it.
43:31It's Tim's dream.
43:32It's pretty great.
43:33How wonderful for you.
43:34How wonderful for you.
43:35How wonderful for you.
43:36How wonderful for you.
43:37Lovely, whilst I'm sitting here serving you rich people.
43:42How many bedrooms are there?
43:43Three.
43:44Only three bedrooms.
43:45There's four of them.
43:46Where does the other person go?
43:48Maki, you're with me.
43:50You can sleep with me.
43:51I don't mind.
43:52Are they an item, Mary?
43:53No, they're siblings, I think.
43:56That'd be weird.
43:57Why would it be weird?
43:59What, share a bedroom?
44:00Probably share the bedroom all their lives.
44:02Why is it weird?
44:03Because brothers and sisters don't sleep together
44:05after they're full grown, you know.
44:07What?
44:08Genitals.
44:09Genitals?
44:10Well, he's the one who's made it weird by talking about genitals.
44:13Now we're all weird.
44:14Weirded out.
44:18Stop!
44:19What the fuck?
44:21Like, what the fuck?
44:23We're a normal family, you'll see.
44:26No, you're not.
44:27I feel if you have to say that,
44:28then you're not a normal family, are you?
44:31You shouldn't humour her bullshit.
44:33She has issues she needs to deal with.
44:36What are her issues?
44:38They're talking about Piper, their little sister.
44:41Well, for one, which I'm sure you've noticed...
44:45..she's pretty hot.
44:46Urgh! Urgh!
44:48As if you'd say that about your sister.
44:50Yeah, her issues are that her brother's a fucking weirdo.
44:53But I don't think she's ever been laid before.
44:56You don't talk like that about your sister.
44:59Make it stop.
45:00I think you've had one too many singers, pal.
45:05Oh, fuck, the iPad's coming out.
45:07So what kind of porn do you like?
45:09Me?
45:10Well, I'm not uncomfortable at all, anyone else?
45:13Real question is,
45:14how the fuck am I going to jerk off with you in here all week?
45:17Stop.
45:18Yeah, I'll just go to the bathroom.
45:20Oh, my days.
45:21He's going to the bathroom to tug one out?
45:26Oh!
45:27Nice ass.
45:32Look, he's not looking away, though.
45:34I have never done this, by the way.
45:36Unbelievable.
45:42Thank God.
45:44I'm glad Sax had closed the door, you know,
45:46cos I'd get a bit worried then, you know?
45:48So far, so perfect, Mary.
45:50Do you know what does me right?
45:52Something happens to people when they stop in hotels,
45:54it doesn't matter whether it's a budget one or an expensive one,
45:57you know, there's been many a night
45:59where I've been a passenger in somebody's sex train,
46:02cos you hear him through the wall.
46:04I've stuffed two shortbreads in me head to try and get me through.
46:09Complimentary Scottish shortbread!
46:17Alert the neighbours, Guy Pearce stars as Jack Irish
46:20in another twisty Aussie drama.
46:22He's exploring a new career path as a private investigator.
46:25Stream now and stream the whole lot, do it in a wanna,
46:28or watch Sunday night at ten for the final ever two episodes of Big Boys.
46:33Next tonight, live TV from the last leg with Selenny Henry and Oti Mabusey.