Russia vs the West–The Biggest Cultural Differences Explained

Elvira Bary

After 20 years in California, I’ve seen the deep cultural gaps between Russia and the West. Let’s talk.  👉 What World Leaders NEED to Know about Russia: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6d9EIByxz1AdkmIOYUlrDd0rmByq5zSN  Having lived in California for over 20 years, I’ve learned that the differences between Russian and Western cultures run deep. Whether it’s the way we approach family, money, or our views on aging and success, the cultural gaps are undeniable. But don&#039;t worry—I’ve got a lot to share, and I’ll explain it all. If you’re curious about how cultural expectations shape our behavior, this video is for you.  Video Chapters:   00:00 Inside Russian Culture: Habits That Shock Americans 01:15 Rules of Interaction 05:34 Patriotism and Worldview 08:48 Money 11:18 Family and Domestic Life 15:22 Friendship 18:21 The Biggest Shock From America  👉 JOIN ME ON THE JOURNEY Sign-up for news about the New Book here:  https://elvirabary.com/elvira-barys-newsletter/  MY HISTORICAL FICTION BOOK SERIES ➡️ Russian Treasures (a historical novel about the Bolshevik Revolution and Russian Civil War) https://amzn.to/43PutaM ➡️ The White Ghosts&#039; Empire (a historical novel about the Russian

Transcript

00:00Having lived in California for over 20 years, I've learned that the difference between

00:06Russian and Western cultures run deep.

00:09Whether it's the way we approach family, money, or our views on aging and success,

00:15the cultural gaps are undeniable.

00:19But don't worry, I've got a lot to share, and I'll explain it all.

00:24If you're curious about how cultural expectations shape our behavior, this video is for you.

00:30Alright?

00:31Let's kick things up with the first rule of communicating with foreigners.

00:37If you feel like someone is trying to offend you, chances are it's just a misunderstanding.

00:42We come from totally different worlds with totally different cultural codes, so it's

00:47no surprise we often read situations through completely different lenses.

00:52I'm Elvira Berry, an author from the USSR, and I've spent 20 years soaking up the California

00:59sun.

01:00In that time, I've had plenty of opportunities to see how Russians like me and folks from

01:06the West couldn't be more different.

01:08So let's dive into this fun cultural journey.

01:17We have a huge issue with politeness.

01:20Russians are often seen as blunt and overly straightforward.

01:25The reason for this is that, first of all, if someone doesn't speak English well, it's hard

01:31for them to come up with polite phrases like, would you mind explaining this again?

01:36That's not something that translates directly into Russian.

01:39You can't just swap English words with Russian ones and make it work.

01:44People simply don't know how to use these expressions, so they go without them.

01:50When we communicate in Russian, we say exactly what's on our minds.

01:54And that's seen not as impoliteness, but as honesty and openness.

02:00You don't lie or confuse people.

02:02You say what you need or what you like or don't like.

02:06Of course, sometimes you can go too far and unintentionally offend someone.

02:12But in general, it's normal for a friend to say to another woman, if you want to lose weight,

02:18you shouldn't eat at night.

02:20This is just a generic statement, just stating a fact.

02:25In the West, though, that phrase would come across as dismissive and commanding.

02:31Another thing worth noting is that Russians have a very different sense of personal space.

02:37Many people in Russia readily share their feelings, judgments, and experiences,

02:43basically letting strangers into their inner world.

02:46In the West, from my experience, that's not the norm.

02:50People discuss either business matters or general topics like political events.

02:55In the West, it's frowned upon to show that you are looking for personal happiness.

03:00All of that should be kept private, so that family and friends don't find out that you are tired of

03:07being alone.

03:07In Russia, it's absolutely normal.

03:10For example, my friend wanted to find a husband, so I, as a good friend, posted her ad and picture

03:17on my channel.

03:18Who knows? Maybe someone from my audience is a good match.

03:23Everyone wins, right?

03:25We were both surprised when several people wrote to her outraged.

03:30Did you know your personal information, photo, and email was posted online?

03:35Of course she knew.

03:36We came up with this idea together.

03:39And for us, there's nothing shameful about it.

03:43We are direct people.

03:44If you want to solve the problem, solve it.

03:47Don't beat around the bush.

03:49But what's really hard for Russians to understand is that in the West,

03:55people are actually pretty open about their health issues.

04:00In Russia, that's an absolute taboo.

04:03I remember how shocked I was when one of my acquaintances casually talked to her friends about her husband's diarrhea.

04:11And everyone was like, oh, yeah, that happened to my husband, too.

04:18Illness and disability are hidden in Russia.

04:21When I first came to the U.S., I was amazed by how many disabled people there were.

04:27In Russia, I had rarely seen any, because they simply couldn't leave their homes.

04:33There were hardly any ramps for wheelchairs.

04:36Besides, who wants to be stared at or pitied?

04:40Maybe the situation has improved in recent years, but that's how it used to be.

04:46My Russian friends were completely shocked when I wrote on my website that I had breast cancer.

04:54I had some doubts.

04:55Should I even talk about it?

04:58But by then, I'd adopted enough of the American mindset to realize that cancer must be talked about.

05:05Everyone thinks it can never happen to them.

05:09And that's why they don't get checked on time.

05:12During my treatment, I saw many women who came to the doctor when the problem was already very advanced.

05:19It's better if I look inappropriate in some people's eyes.

05:22But if my story pushes someone to get a mammogram and catch the disease early, it'd be worth it.

05:34Russians have a complex relationship with their country.

05:40On the one hand, they can endlessly criticize their rulers and complain about their competence and clumsiness of officials.

05:48But on the other hand, they really don't like it when foreigners point out the flaws of Russia.

05:55If you want to have a conversation with a Russian about their country, here's a trick.

06:00Imagine you are dealing with a woman who has just gone through a painful divorce.

06:05She's on edge, crying one minute, yelling the next.

06:09The only thing that can calm her down is your reassurance.

06:13She says, you're wonderful, you're beautiful, I love you, and everything will be fine.

06:19And just like that, she wipes away her tears and says, thank you for your understanding me.

06:25Even though both of you know that she just went into a feat of jealousy,

06:31wrecked her neighbor's apartment, and gave the poor woman a concussion for no reason at all.

06:38Notice that this is exactly what Donald Trump did with Putin, and he got immediate concessions.

06:45To understand Russians, it's important to realize that there were practically no social science in the USSR.

06:53They were all replaced with Marxism-Leninism,

06:57which is why the older generation knows nothing about contemporary Western philosophy, sociology, anthropology, etc.

07:04It's impossible to explain this to them.

07:07Those without higher education simply don't care about these subjects,

07:11and those who graduated from Soviet universities believe their education was the best in the world,

07:18and who are you to teach them anything?

07:21In the 1990s and early 2000s, Russia was flooded with books and lectures translated from English, German, and French.

07:29There were excellent teachers, but many of them had to immigrate or leave their academic positions.

07:36This is why today's youth are still struggling to grasp these topics.

07:41Essentially, unless a person made a conscious effort to dive into political science or everything you studied in high school

07:48and college,

07:48their worldview will be different.

07:51Despite the abundance of churches that have been built across Russia in recent years,

07:56Russia is still a deeply secular country.

07:58Of course, there are people who are generally religious and know the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and other sacred

08:05texts,

08:05but they are the minority.

08:08There is nothing like the churches in America with their Bible studies, nurseries, playgrounds, and concerts.

08:15Magical thinking is quite widespread in Russia.

08:18I don't know the exact statistics, but it feels like 90% of my Russian acquaintances believe in horoscopes.

08:26Norocard reading is the most popular subject in online schools.

08:31People go to fortune tellers, healers, astrologers, and dive eagerly into the esoteric worlds.

08:38This doesn't mean all Russians are like this, but it is a widespread phenomenon.

08:49Russians love to claim that money isn't important to them.

08:54But that's simply not true.

08:56The vast majority of people from the former USSR have experienced unimaginable poverty,

09:02something you can't even fathom in the West.

09:04After I graduated from university in 1997, my salary was exactly $100 per month.

09:12And I was happy because I had a job.

09:15For Russians, money represents salvation from all misfortune.

09:20If you have money, you'll be able to receive treatment at a good private clinic,

09:25not a dilapidated government hospital.

09:28If you have an expensive car, the police won't hassle you on the road.

09:32If you wear expensive clothes and carry an expensive bag, people will treat you with more respect.

09:39You have to show that you have money if you want important people to take you seriously.

09:45This is exactly why officials and business people in Russia spend insane amounts of money on status symbols.

09:52Take any high-ranking female official in Russia and check how much her suit, earrings, and handbag cost.

09:59The price will run into tens of thousands of dollars.

10:03In the West, especially in Europe, this would seem absurd.

10:07But in Russia, it's the norm.

10:09In Russia, it's common to inquire about other people's finances and talk about your own income.

10:16If not directly, then indirectly.

10:17It's perfectly normal to ask someone how much they earn or how much their apartment costs.

10:23Of course, this can only be asked of people on the same social level as you.

10:29A businessman will easily boast about his income or tell you how cleverly he saved money on something.

10:35In Russia, it's totally normal to talk about each other's income early on in dating,

10:41just to save time and figure out if you are a good match.

10:44As far as I know, if a Russian were to ask a Westerner about their salary, it'd be considered rude.

10:52But for Russians, it's hard to grasp.

10:54Why pretend money doesn't matter when it clearly does?

10:59Let me tell you what I make.

11:01Want to know?

11:02No?

11:03Well, why not?

11:05By the way, if you'd like to talk money with me, join my think tank and support this channel.

11:12Just hit the button below the video.

11:19In recent years, views on gender roles have changed significantly in Russia.

11:24There is a part of society that gravitates towards modern Western standards,

11:29but all traditions and views still remain.

11:32In traditional Russian society, a man is primarily seen as the provider.

11:38His responsibilities include earning money and handling tasks that require physical strength.

11:44This is even reflected symbolically.

11:46For instance, a man carries heavy bags, helps his partner put on her coat,

11:51opens doors, and pays for meals and any joint entertainment.

11:56In traditional Russia, a woman without a man is vulnerable.

11:59If something goes wrong, it's either her parents or her husband who'll swoop in to help.

12:07If she has neither, well, she's pretty much left to fend for herself.

12:12That's why getting married is such a big deal for Russian women.

12:16Some might even put up with an alcoholic or a criminal just to keep that married woman's status intact.

12:22The ideal situation for a Russian woman is to get married to a man who's successful,

12:28can take care of her and the kids, and treats her like a treasure, someone to be proud of and

12:34protect.

12:36Some want to earn money, while others prefer to be housewives.

12:40A woman's role is to take care of her home.

12:44She does all the cooking, while men usually only deal with cooking when it's time for a barbecue.

12:50DIY is very common in daily life.

12:53People try to do everything themselves because it's cheaper.

12:56A man is expected to be able to fix electrical outlets, hang light fixtures, figure out why a faucet is

13:05leaking, or bury a dead pet.

13:08A woman, on the other hand, is expected to take children to their activities and keep the laundry and the

13:14apartment clean.

13:15She's also typically the one who handles shopping and maintaining relationships with friends and family.

13:22The budget is shared, and it's expected that a man will trust the woman to spend as she sees fit.

13:30You can see why discussing money is so important, right?

13:33If you don't come to an agreement upon, someone will be extremely disappointed later.

13:40Any official contracts between relatives are viewed negatively, even if you are lending a large sum of money.

13:47It's well understood that wills need to be made,

13:50but people tend to put it off because they don't want to think about their own death.

13:55If relatives ask for help and you can give it, you cannot refuse.

14:00You are not supposed to charge relatives or friends for work or interest on loans.

14:06If you don't want to offer help, you need to come up with a convincing excuse to turn them down.

14:13Hiring contractors is normal, but for some reason, hiring a nanny is often met with reluctance.

14:20But what's hardest to accept is hiring a cleanly lady.

14:25How could you let a stranger come into your apartment and see your mess?

14:30In general, it's common to clean up for guests, buy them the best things,

14:36and spend more time and effort on them than on yourself.

14:40For example, a woman might not bake pies for herself, but she will certainly bake them for guests.

14:47And any other appearance is considered improper.

14:50Even if you don't have money, you should call them and help with household tasks.

14:56By the way, if any of my viewers are planning to marry a Russian woman,

14:59keep in mind that you'll need to help your close relatives.

15:04It's not very expensive because living in Russia is relatively cheap,

15:07but your wife won't understand if you refuse to send a small sum to her elderly mother.

15:13Of course, there are exceptions, but this is the general norm.

15:23When Russians like someone and want to continue getting to know them, they show it openly.

15:29They offer to help or invite them over.

15:32For Americans, this is often too much, and they immediately start declining.

15:38This can be hurtful for Russians.

15:40I remember how a very nice doctor was admiring my earrings.

15:45I liked this woman a lot, and I would love to be friends with her.

15:49But when I offered to send her a link where she could buy similar earrings,

15:54she immediately declined.

15:56To me, this felt very rude.

15:58And I decided right away that I didn't want to deal with her anymore.

16:04I've encountered similar situations more than once,

16:07so over time I stopped trying to establish friendships on my own initiative.

16:11Friendship among Russians works differently than it does in the West.

16:15Your friends aren't just part of your community.

16:18They are your clan.

16:19They will rescue you if something bad happens,

16:22so building close friendships is very important.

16:27Perhaps immigration is harder for Russians than for others because when they move to a foreign country,

16:32they lose their clan and feel completely vulnerable.

16:36We are naturally distrustful, and deep down we believe that no one will help us just because.

16:42Everyone wants to deceive us, so we have to stay vigilant to avoid falling into a trap.

16:49And since people are inherently hostile, this gives rise to the famous Russian cynicism.

16:56But this only applies to strangers.

16:58Your own people are a completely different manner.

17:02Friendship starts like this.

17:04First, people find a common cause, and they start observing each other.

17:09Then, they invite each other for tea or coffee.

17:12This is a social event during which relationships are built.

17:17Very often, Russians invite someone they like over to their home.

17:21This is a sign of affection and trust.

17:24I don't see this in America.

17:26Russian social gatherings look different from Western ones,

17:29at least in the circle I move in.

17:31If you invite one or two friends over, you sit in the kitchen,

17:35drink tea or coffee with chocolates, and talk for hours.

17:39The conversations usually evolve around relationships, trips, and culture.

17:44For us, it's important to discuss good books, theories, films, and such.

17:49If you invite several guests, it's a family affair.

17:53A meal during which you eat well and have fun.

17:56No one discusses private matters, careers, or politics.

18:00Those are topics for a select few close friends.

18:03In general, Russians base their expectations on friendship in America on the TV show Friends.

18:09But I don't know anyone who has been able to build something like that.

18:15Expectations versus reality.

18:22You know what shocked me the most about America?

18:25I'm a Soviet girl, and I was raised to believe that the government is always the enemy,

18:31especially the law enforcement agencies.

18:33The police, the army, the border guards, and the Federal Security Service.

18:38The only government services that are there for you are emergency medical services and rescuers.

18:45All the others exist only to make your life worse.

18:49That's why the rule is never get involved with the government.

18:53Any contact with officials is a source of stress and suffering.

18:57In the 20 years that I've lived in the US, I've had very little interaction with the government.

19:03But once, I had to deal with the police.

19:07And this time, the government was on my side.

19:10It helped me, and the officers were polite and very friendly when speaking to me.

19:16The police acted as an older brother that you could turn to for help, and they genuinely

19:23stepped in to assist me.

19:25I was completely shocked.

19:28Nothing serious happened, and no one was hurt.

19:31I just needed to handle some paperwork through the police.

19:34I was prepared for the worst, thinking they'd either mistreat me or completely wear me out.

19:40But instead, a caring female officer sent me helpful links, called me back, and asked if there's

19:47anything else she could assist with.

19:49Mind-blowing.

19:52Want more stories?

19:53By my novel, Russian Treasures, which tells the story of the magical transformation

19:57of the Russian Empire into the Empire of Evil.

20:01No, it's not fantasy.

20:03It's an epic historical novel.

20:05The Russian Gone with the Wind.

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