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  • 4 weeks ago
Small Prophets S01E01-2 2026
Transcript
00:00I know we're older now and lost again
00:15Down at the coldest hour of you and my friend
00:26Will you come back, come back again?
00:39Will you come back, come back again?
00:48I put the kettle on, the wise man's song for you
01:09Hello Michael
01:17Morning, morning
01:20Yeah, I was just wondering about your garden actually mate to be honest
01:24What about it?
01:26Well I mean it's getting a bit overgrown now, you know
01:28Starting to cut out a lot of light, so
01:30Right, well I'll sort that then
01:32Wicked, okay, do you reckon you get a chance?
01:35Definitely
01:36Awesome, did you get a letter from the council?
01:38Probably, I never opened them, bloody council eh, always after something
01:42Well there might be one about the erm, doesn't matter
01:46You reckon you get a chance though, take it back a bit?
01:50Yep, yes
01:51Awesome, awesome
01:52Alright, see you later buddy
01:57Cheers Cliff
01:59It's Clive
02:01See you soon
02:02Cheers
02:07Welcome
02:11BBC
02:16Woo
02:17We'll see you soon
02:18Five
02:20queen
02:23ит
02:32Boy, is that the beard, the legend?
02:37Michael! Michael! Mike!
02:42All right, Brigham.
02:52Wow!
02:54She's got it.
02:56Yeah, baby, she's got it.
02:58In case you come to seal it and grouting with a moth and bucket.
03:04Trish, it's Gordon. What's this moth for? Has something been spilled?
03:11Speak to me, Trish.
03:12Just a spill it and seal it and grouting.
03:15Use the comms, please, Trish. What's been spilled?
03:18Just trying to find out.
03:20Use the comms, Trish, not the tannoy.
03:26Some sort of sealant?
03:27Get a mop, get it cleaned up.
03:30No, no, you don't understand.
03:32Why would we sell six screws in a biodegradable paper bag
03:36when, if we only sell them in polyurethane tubs of 500,
03:41the customer is forced into buying much more of them,
03:45making us much, much more money.
03:49I see.
03:50Do you have a hand drill?
03:53A hand drill?
03:54A hand drill?
03:54We stopped stocking hand drills in 1953.
04:07What was 1953?
04:09The Queen's Coronation.
04:10Have you been on your break?
04:14Which break?
04:15Lunch break?
04:16Tea break.
04:16No.
04:18Vending machine needs stocking up.
04:19Double deckers.
04:20Double deckers.
04:21Got it.
04:23Beef discos.
04:24Then go on your break.
04:25Double deckers.
04:25Beef discos.
04:26Break.
04:27Could the end of this small child wear a yellow dungaree
04:39please come to the power tool spectrum in aisle three?
04:45Michael!
04:46Michael!
04:46You're on coffee tonight?
04:48Hey!
04:49Hey!
04:49Hey!
04:49Hey!
04:50Hey!
04:50Hey!
04:50Hey!
04:50Hey!
04:51Hey!
04:51Hey!
04:52Is it an absolute legend?
04:54Ha-ha-ha!
04:54Ha-ha!
04:55See you there!
04:56Finds a whiskey and go!
04:58Ha-ha-ha-ha!
04:59Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
04:59Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
05:13Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
05:16Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
05:22Hello, Hilary.
05:31Oh, hello, love.
05:32He's in the lounge.
05:33Thanks.
05:34Has he been all right?
05:35Yeah, I think so.
05:36Building his contraptions, telling his stories, you know, keeping everyone amused.
05:45See you later.
05:52Oh, hello, Dad.
06:15Ah.
06:16You all right?
06:17Hello, sir.
06:18You back from your travels?
06:19I haven't been anywhere, Dad.
06:22I must have nodded off.
06:25You've been busy.
06:27Oh, yeah, yeah.
06:29Does it work?
06:31Eh, sometimes, yeah.
06:33Here you are, then.
06:34Oh?
06:35Have a go.
06:37Where does it start?
06:39On the book.
06:40What, here?
06:41Yeah, yeah.
06:42That is fantastic, Dad.
07:05Oh, well.
07:07Utter waste of time.
07:09Oh, I don't know.
07:10It keeps your brain ticking over.
07:14Who brings you the Brazil nuts?
07:17What?
07:17You've always got a bowl of shelled Brazil nuts.
07:20Oh, yeah.
07:21She gives them to me.
07:22Gladys.
07:23Her granddaughter brings them for her, but her dentures can't cope with the nuts, so she just
07:27sucks the chocolate off.
07:29I never touch them.
07:30So, er, what have you been up to?
07:34You know, this and that.
07:35Working at the DIY place.
07:37Yeah.
07:38How's Cleo?
07:39Is she well?
07:42Cleo went away, didn't she, Dad?
07:45Years ago now.
07:46You remember?
07:47We don't know where she went.
07:50Oh, shit.
07:50I forgot.
07:51Yeah.
07:52Christmas time.
07:53Yes, Christmas Eve.
07:56No news?
07:57No answers?
07:59No.
07:59Just questions.
08:01Lots of questions.
08:02I'm sorry, son.
08:04It's all right.
08:06I actually don't mind talking about her.
08:09Friends tend to avoid the subject.
08:12Ow!
08:14What is it?
08:18A drafts piece?
08:20No, hang on.
08:21Ponty frat cake.
08:24Oh, I know who you are.
08:27I know who's doing it.
08:33Bastards.
08:33Hey, it's all right, Dad.
08:36Well, I remember.
08:38Would you post my competitions for me?
08:40Yeah, yeah, of course I will.
08:41Can't you get one of the staff here to post them for you?
08:43I don't trust them.
08:44They just chuck them in the bin.
08:45Dad, I'm sure they wouldn't.
08:46But yes, I'll take them for you.
08:48What are you going to win?
08:49Er, fishing equipment.
08:50Knitting machine.
08:52And this one's a hot tub.
08:55Oh, nice.
08:56All very useful.
08:58Here you go.
09:00Dinner's up.
09:00Do you want to leave you to it?
09:01All right, sunshine.
09:03Will I see you tomorrow?
09:04Yeah, I'll be here.
09:05Oh.
09:06Maybe we can talk about her then.
09:09Who's that?
09:11Clear.
09:12Clear?
09:13Oh, clear.
09:14Oh, lovely, clear.
09:17Give him my note.
09:25I love you, Dad.
09:25I love you.
09:33I love you.
13:59It's just because.
14:01Why do you have a beard?
14:02Why do you wear a hat?
14:04I'm not wearing a hat.
14:06No, but if you were, that would be my response to you.
14:08Why do you have your ears pierced?
14:09That's a better example.
14:10Why do you have your ears pierced?
14:12Just because.
14:13There you go.
14:14It's just because.
14:16That was funny before when you thought I was calling you a wanker.
14:21Who were you calling a wanker?
14:22Gordon?
14:23Of course, Gordon.
14:24Don't you think he's such a wanker?
14:25I haven't really thought about it.
14:27Go on, have a think.
14:29Yeah, I suppose he is a bit.
14:31Yeah, you watch.
14:32Now that I've pointed it out, you'll notice it all the time.
14:37You on your break?
14:38Yep.
14:39How long you been on your break?
14:40About ten minutes.
14:42How long you been on your break?
14:44Two minutes.
14:45You literally just sent me on my break.
14:51See?
14:53You been here years then?
14:55Five years.
14:57Can I?
14:58Yeah.
15:01What did you do before this?
15:02I was an underwater welder.
15:05What does that mean?
15:06Which part? Underwater or welder?
15:08Both, when you put them together.
15:10Well, I welded things that were underwater, which meant that I had to go underwater too.
15:15In like the diving gear and everything?
15:17Almost always.
15:18What sort of things need welding underwater?
15:21Ships.
15:22Oil rigs.
15:25Mainly ships and oil rigs.
15:28Isn't welding like fire?
15:29Yes.
15:30Oh, so how does that work then?
15:31Would you like me to explain?
15:32No.
15:33Actually, you're alright.
15:34Why'd you give it up?
15:35It's a young man's game, underwater welding.
15:38You can't do it for too long.
15:40It takes its toll.
15:41Did you have the beard then?
15:42No.
15:43I wouldn't have been able to get a watertight seal around my diving mask.
15:45Oh yeah, I was going to say.
15:46Hi Hilary.
15:47Hello love, he's in his room.
15:48Oh.
15:49Can I have a word?
15:50It's a bit awkward.
15:54Your dad's been taking the empty water boat up for me.
15:55Yeah.
15:56Oh, Victor, I know.
15:57I just don't know if I was here.
15:58It's about готовing to get a watertight seal around my diving mask.
16:00Oh yeah, I was going to say.
16:03Hey.
16:05Hi Hilary.
16:06Is he, er...
16:07Hello love, he's in his room.
16:08Can I have a word?
16:12It's a bit awkward.
16:14it. Your dad's been taking the empty water bottles and hiding them in his room. The
16:18water cooler bottles? Thing is, they collect the empties on a Wednesday. What's he taking
16:23them for? I don't know. He's saying it wasn't him. Well, are you sure it was him? I've seen
16:28him taking them. He keeps an eye out when they're nearly empty and then smuggles them
16:32away when he thinks no one's looking. All right. Thanks, Hilary. I'll see if I can work
16:38out what's going on.
16:44Hello, Dad. Hello, son. Come on in. Shut the door. Are you all right? What are you looking
17:04for? Shut the door. I remembered something. Something that would help with your problem.
17:12What problem was that? Well, he talked about yesterday. You know, I know where you can
17:17get some answers. I am sorry, Dad. I'm being dim. What were we talking about?
17:22Homunculi. Come again? Alchemy. Can't talk about it here. They'll be listening in. Let's
17:29go for a walk. Take a look in there.
17:40What have you got these for, Dad? Did I ever tell you about Egypt? I think so, yes, when
17:50you were on national service. That's right. When I was there, I met a man, an old mystic,
17:56Italian, and he was studying metaphysics and alchemic law. Okay. Anyway, I became an apprentice,
18:05really, so to speak. He was the only one he trusted to help him with his experiments.
18:09Okay. Eventually, this brilliant man managed to grow and generate homunculi. Tiny prophets
18:18who lived in great glass jars full of water. Wait a minute, Dad. I remember this story.
18:22You used to tell it to me before bed. Little people in jars. But, Dad, I don't think it
18:27actually happened. Oh, it did happen. I was there. I saw them. There were six of them.
18:31Yeah, I remember there was a king and a queen. A monk. A knight, a peasant, and a seraph.
18:42Exquisite little beings. They could predict the future. Yeah. They could answer any question
18:46once they'd reached the state of divination, and they had to answer truthfully. That was
18:52my favorite story, Dad. Dad, are you sure that you didn't get it from a book? No, no, no.
18:58I wrote it in a book. I wrote the instructions all down in a journal, but it's gone. I can't
19:04find it. Well, I've got a lot of your things, remember. At my house, I said I'd look after
19:07them for you when you moved in here. Well, that's where it'll be then. And it's all written
19:12down. Okay, Dad. Dad, Dad, listen. Even if I can find it, you're not allowed to practice
19:18alchemy in the Golden Years Garden. No, no. It's up to you. You're the one who wants the answers.
19:23They'll be able to tell you where Claire is. No, Dad. No, no. The prophets will tell
19:30you where she is, and you go find her and bring her back. I'll guide you. That's what
19:34the bottles are for. Take all the bottles, fill them with rainwater. It's got to be rainwater.
19:39You'll need some other ingredients, but the journal will take you through all that. You've
19:44just got to find the journal. Come on. Yeah. That's it. Mm-hmm. He thinks I'm taking them
19:58out to the car. It's a long story. All right if I leave them around the corner? All right,
20:03love, thanks. It should be all right now. See you tomorrow. Michael. All right, mate. You're
20:29working well. Hello, Roy. I went around the house earlier. Yeah. No, I was here visiting
20:36Dad. Been trying to call you. Left a few messages. Yeah. Sometimes I forget to check. I forget
20:43to turn it on. I need to speak to you, Michael. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Shall we go back to the house?
20:51No. There's a cafe around the corner. Pickles. Do you want something? Oh, um, sausage,
21:07egg and chips, please. Who's paying? Oh, skimp, mate. Just a cup of tea, please. Two, thanks.
21:13How are you? Are you well? Skimp. I just told you. I'm paying for three kids while she's
21:23sat on her fat hearts eating crisps. Are they still down south? In Reading, yeah.
21:30How often do you get to? I don't, Michael. I'm living in a shitty flat above a cost cutter,
21:36so they can't come to me, and I'm not welcome down there, so weeks, months go by between visits.
21:41Sorry. Sorry. Thank you. You're welcome.
21:52This place is named after the dog that found the World Cup. Pickles. I don't know what the
21:58connection is. I don't think he was from around here. It's time to give back what's mine, Michael.
22:07What if she comes back? Claire's not coming back. What if she does?
22:10Michael, they found her car on the Severn Bridge. Yes, and she wasn't in it. Mate,
22:15I don't know whether I miss her as much as you do. I think about her every day. She was my sister,
22:20but there's nothing I could have done, and I've made peace with that. This Christmas,
22:26it'll be seven years. We can apply for a presumption of death. I want the house back,
22:32Michael. It belongs to me. What are you going to do, move in?
22:36No, I'm going to sell it. Well, I'll stay on until you find a buyer. No one's going to buy it. The state
22:41is in. It needs to be cleared out. There might be structural damage there, Michael.
22:46I've got to go. For Christ's sake, Michael. I drove past there this afternoon. The gutter
22:50is hanging off. The garden is impenetrable. Christ knows what it's like inside. It's time
22:54to take your head out of the sand, mate. She's not coming back.
23:01Good evening, Olive. You all right, love? Hello, Michael. What's that? Fertiliser?
23:16No. These plants are all plastic. Don't need watering. Don't need fertilising. All right.
23:34So, what is that you were sprinkling? Slug pellets. So, if the flowers are plastic,
23:40what are the slugs eating? The slug pellets. Oh, right. Cheerio, then. Yeah. Ooh. I tell
23:48you who I saw here today. Yeah? Who was that? Your brother-in-law, Roy. He was looking for
23:54you. But he's dying to get to spend more money. Whoa. I say let them. Robots take over.
24:01Hey, Michael. Olive. You all right? Hello, Michael. Hello, babe. Best be off, Olive.
24:19Hey. Cheerio, Denmark. We were never married. What's that love? Just you said brother-in-law,
24:29but Cleo and I, well, we were never married. Cheerio.
24:49Why did they look like at the crかze behind me? Why don't you,
24:50I mean, spaces, they were marked as easily, and I haven't tried so far.
24:52Maybe we even had some jobs in their own relationship. But they had some Él of their
24:59someone as easily through a difficult connecting. In-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an-an...
26:03I know we're older now and lost again.
26:14Down at the cul-de-sac you left, my friend.
26:23Will you come back, come back again?
26:31Elliot!
26:32Come in, lad.
26:33Will you come back, come back again?
26:43I put the kettle on, the wise man's song for you.
26:52I put the kettle on, the wise man's song for you.
27:02I put the kettle on, the wise man's song for you.
27:06I put the kettle on, the wise man's song for you.
27:16I put the kettle on, the wise man's song for you.
27:20I put the kettle on, the wise man's song for you.
27:30I put the kettle on, the wise man's song for you.
27:34And I put the kettle on.
27:38Excuse me.
28:07Did you sell buckets?
28:09Buckets?
28:10No.
28:11Really?
28:12No call for them.
28:14Old-fashioned.
28:15So, how do people, you know, like, carry water and stuff?
28:19Well, everything's plumbed in these days.
28:21You know, it's pipes wherever it needs to be, so there's no need for anyone to carry any
28:25by hand.
28:26What colour bucket?
28:27Well, it doesn't really matter.
28:29Any colour.
28:30No.
28:31Sorry, I can't help you.
28:32A hose pipe.
28:33That's the closest we do.
28:34Garden section.
28:35Okay.
28:36Excuse me.
28:39Is that right that you don't sell buckets anymore?
28:41I'm sorry.
28:43Your colleague just told me that you don't sell buckets anymore because they're old-fashioned.
28:47Do you mean those things that people used to carry water in?
28:52Yeah.
28:53Oh, we haven't stocked buckets in a while, mate.
28:57Tell you what, you might want to try the vintage and antiques Emporium.
29:01Do you see Celebrity Barrel Scrapers last night?
29:15Did I see what?
29:17Celebrity Barrel Scrapers.
29:19It's like, you know Barrel Scrapers, the show?
29:21Well, it's like that, but the celebrity version.
29:23I haven't got to tell it.
29:24Are you serious?
29:25There's a programme called Celebrity Barrel Scrapers.
29:27Yeah.
29:28Didn't recognise any of the celebrities in it, though.
29:30Apart from that bald bloke from, er, what's it called?
29:33It's funny, though.
29:34What do they do, the celebrities?
29:37Just, you know, scrape the barrels out, get them clean.
29:40It gets really messy.
29:41It's dead good.
29:42Hang on, you don't have a TV?
29:44No.
29:45Prick.
29:48Everyone's going to the pub next Friday after work.
29:50It's someone's birthday.
29:51You come in.
29:52Whose birthday?
29:53The bloke who cuts the MDR.
29:54Andre.
29:55Mm-hmm.
29:56Maybe.
29:57I'll see.
30:02Him there with the white beard.
30:03Him.
30:05I'll...
30:06Here we go.
30:07Did you tell that customer we don't sell buckets?
30:11No.
30:12He said you told him we don't sell buckets, that there's no call for them.
30:15Oh!
30:16Buckets!
30:17Is that what he was after?
30:18I couldn't understand what he was saying.
30:21Urgh!
30:22What time do you go to bed?
30:23None of your business, Gordon.
30:25It is my business if my staff are falling asleep on their feet and they can't hear the customers properly.
30:30You don't lose your hearing when you're tired.
30:32Hello, Hillary?
30:33Is everything okay?
30:34Oh, yes.
30:35It's fine now.
30:36Okay, I'll be right there.
30:37No.
30:38No, it's fine.
30:39I'm not busy.
30:40No, honestly, it's not a problem.
30:41Yes.
30:42Okay, I'm on my way.
30:43I've got to go.
30:44My dad's lost something.
30:45Lost something?
30:46Have you been on your break?
30:47I've got to go.
30:48Me dad's lost something.
30:49Lost something?
30:50Have you been on your break?
30:54Oh, hello, love.
30:55Sorry.
30:56No, it's all right.
30:57What's happened?
30:58I would have waited until you came in later, but he was upset and threatening to call the police.
30:59Really?
31:00Oh, hello, love.
31:01Sorry.
31:02No, it's all right.
31:03What's happened?
31:04I would have waited until you came in later, but he was upset and threatening to call the police.
31:08Really?
31:09Oh, hello, love.
31:10Sorry.
31:11No, it's all right.
31:12What's happened?
31:13I would have waited until you came in later, but he was upset and threatening to call the police.
31:17Really?
31:18Tina found this on his bed when he was at breakfast and brought it to me.
31:33He noticed it was missing and kicked off.
31:40Bloody hell.
31:42Right.
31:43Well, I'll see if I can get to the bottom of it.
31:46Thanks, Hilary.
31:47Sorry.
31:59Hello, Dad.
32:00Come on.
32:01I'm glad you're here.
32:02There's a thief in this place and I've had enough.
32:03It's outrageous.
32:04I'm writing a letter.
32:05All right, Dad.
32:06Calm down.
32:07No one stole it.
32:08I've got it here.
32:09They didn't know what it was.
32:11It says quite clearly on the tin what it is.
32:14Poison.
32:15Well, exactly.
32:16They were worried.
32:17I'm not a child.
32:18Why have you got a tin of poison?
32:20What is going on?
32:21Give it here.
32:22One, two, three, four, five, six.
32:26Oh, they were all there.
32:28Thank God for that.
32:29I couldn't replicate these.
32:30Once they're gone, they're gone.
32:31Seriously, Dad.
32:32Why have you got six files of poison?
32:34This is the antidote that dissolves the homunculi.
32:37Only to be used in case of emergency.
32:39It was given to me.
32:40I don't know what's in it.
32:42And I couldn't make it again.
32:43Did you find the diaries?
32:45Mike?
32:46Hey?
32:47Did you find the instructions?
32:48Yes.
32:49Excellent.
32:50So have you got it set up?
32:51No, Dad.
32:52I haven't had time.
32:53Well, the sooner you start the chanting, the sooner you'll be able to get results.
32:57And the sooner you'll be able to ask about clear.
32:59You have to chant to the bottles.
33:02It's all there in the instructions.
33:05What?
33:06What's wrong?
33:14This was in the journal.
33:16There they are.
33:18Oh, my God.
33:19I've forgotten I took this.
33:21Dad, I'm so confused.
33:22I thought that this was just a bedtime story.
33:24I didn't think it might actually be real.
33:26Trust me.
33:27You want to know where Claire is when she's coming home?
33:31They can answer any question and they're compelled to answer truthfully.
33:35Okay.
33:36Just remind me what they actually are.
33:39Homunculi.
33:40Prophesying spirits.
33:42Right.
33:43I looked up homunculus in the dictionary and it said,
33:46a very small humanoid creature.
33:49That's it, yeah?
33:51That's it?
33:53So what?
33:54A human?
33:55An animal?
33:56Is this legal?
33:58Well, it's not illegal.
34:00That doesn't exactly put my mind at rest, Dad.
34:02Trust me.
34:03Yes, yes.
34:04All right.
34:05Before I forget, will you post some letters for me?
34:08More competitions?
34:09Yeah, this one's foot spa, this one's dog grooming classes and this one's Lamborghini.
34:15Fingers crossed.
34:16Oh, and this one, you'll need a stamp.
34:18You'll have to go to the post office.
34:20It's going to Vancouver.
34:22To my old school friend, Vic.
34:24Right-o.
34:25How is Vic these days?
34:26Much the same.
34:27Not much to say for himself, but he always asks after you.
34:31After me, does he?
34:32Yeah, yeah.
34:33Very interested in what you're up to.
34:35Did I ever meet him?
34:36Maybe once.
34:37When you were little.
34:38Right.
34:39Well, next time, tell him I said hello.
34:43Well, I'm a little boy.
34:44I don't know.
34:45I'm not a kid.
34:46But I'm not a kid.
34:47Like, I'm a kid.
34:48I'm a kid.
34:49He's a kid.
34:50I'm a kid.
34:51He's a kid.
34:52He's a kid.
34:53He's a kid.
34:54He's a kid.
34:55Alright.
34:56Alright.
34:57Alright.
34:58Oh, my God.
34:59So, it's like, he's not a kid.
35:00I'm a kid.
35:01I'm a kid.
35:02Where's the kid?
35:04Anyway?
35:05He's a kid.
35:06He's a kid.
35:07He's a kid.
35:09Who was a kid?
35:10That's kind of kid and a kid knows me.
35:42Hello, Olive.
35:44Hello, Michael.
35:45What you got there?
35:47Jars.
35:47Yep, jars.
35:49Big ant, eh?
35:49Yep, big jars.
35:50What are you sprinkling today?
35:52Ant powder.
35:53Oh, yeah?
35:54Little bastards coming indoors and eating all the cake.
35:57Wankers.
35:58Go to get them early.
35:59Otherwise, they start bloody flying.
36:00You know that?
36:02They sprout wings and start bloody flying all over the place on 4th of July independently.
36:07So I'm putting the powder down.
36:09Yeah, that'll learn them.
36:10See you later, Olive.
36:12Cheerio.
36:27Okay, Dad.
36:28I'm doing this, am I?
36:29Can you put the clothes in the back for me?
36:39Hello, this is Michael.
36:50Michael's sleep.
36:51I'm just leaving a message.
36:53I won't be coming in today, I'm afraid.
36:55I've got a bit of a running bottom.
36:56I've got a bit of a running bottom.
36:56I've got a bit of a running bottom.
37:27Morning, Michael.
37:38Morning.
37:39Morning.
37:41You're just getting rid of some stuff.
37:42You're just moving it.
37:44It's about the front here.
37:45That's right.
37:46It's only temporary.
37:53I was going to say, I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to take your edge back.
37:57Don't be sorry.
37:58It's lucky, actually.
37:59I spotted a pair of chaffinches nesting in the ivy.
38:03So I'm glad that we didn't disturb them.
38:06Chaffinches.
38:07Chaffinches.
38:08That reminds me, your security light at the front is flashing on and off, on and off all night.
38:19Is it?
38:19There must be a branch or a twig or something waving across it.
38:23You probably don't notice it if your bedroom's at the back.
38:26I'll take a look.
38:26Yes, it's on and off, on and off, all night, on and off, on and off.
38:30It's like every few minutes.
38:31It's light pollution.
38:32It's disturbing the little chaffinches.
38:35Light pollution.
38:36Okay.
38:36Just off to the DIY store.
38:38Do you need anything?
38:39No, thanks.
38:40Are you sure?
38:40I get a staff discount.
38:43No, thanks.
38:43Okay.
38:43I get a staff discount.
39:13I get a staff discount.
39:43All right, Skiver.
39:51What, you have a ship?
39:52Shh.
39:53Don't let him know I'm here.
39:54Do you know what?
39:55I'm having to do twice as much work as you.
39:56Well, you usually do fuck all, so twice fuck all is still fuck all.
40:00Mm.
40:01Why are you here?
40:02I need you to get some stuff for me.
40:07Jesus.
40:08All right, let me finish for SIG.
40:10And, uh, remember to get the staff discount.
40:12Okay.
40:12Okay.
40:12And, uh, you know, you're getting a staff discount.
40:15Okay.
40:17It's...
40:18For me, if we're not at a house, we're going to have to get a staff discount.
40:18We're going to have to get a staff discount.
40:20We're going to have to get a staff breakfast, you're going to have to get some stuff.
40:22And, uh...
40:23Let's...
40:23What, what, what?
40:24Oh
40:54Are you building a bop?
41:09No.
41:11Crystal meth?
41:12What?
41:13What's all this for?
41:15I'm cleaning my fish tank.
41:17What fish have you got?
41:18Pilchard.
41:18You're lying.
41:19It's for a project.
41:21I'll tell you about it another time.
41:22Did he see you, Gordon?
41:24No.
41:25Casey, I just wanted to say, you've still got my credit card.
41:33You're welcome.
41:33Do you want a pen?
42:33Before the jars are sealed, in each must be placed a mineral seed item from which the
42:52homunculus will grow.
42:54The seeds must be carefully selected and be specific to the creature's station.
43:01For the knight, a brass key.
43:04For the monk, the nib of a pen.
43:08For the peasant, a plain undecorated button.
43:12For the seraph, a crystal of amethyst.
43:16For the queen, a gold ring.
43:19And for the king, a silver coin.
43:23As old as you can find.
43:25Why does he have to behave like this?
43:32It's like every little thing he does is designed to wind me up.
43:37I mean, what in the hell's his problem?
43:40Bev.
43:41What?
43:42I'm saying, what's his problem?
43:46Who?
43:47Gandalf the frigging grey, who do you think?
43:49It sounds like you're the one with the problem.
43:51Why can't you just ignore him?
43:52How can I with that racket going on?
43:54Why can't it just be normal?
44:03What are you doing?
44:04Put a mirror down there.
44:05Oh, and that's normal, is it?
44:06You believe he's had the nerve to complain about our security light?
44:09Light pollution has accused me of.
44:12I mean, his place is crawly with vermin.
44:16The amount of insects in his garden is disgusting.
44:19Spiders, wasps, bees.
44:22I'm the effing sparrows chirping all day long in the bushes.
44:26Oh, that drives me insane.
44:40Great.
44:41He's praying.
44:42That's all we need.
44:44A religious fanatic.
44:46Bev.
44:48What?
44:49What are you listening to?
44:50A podcast.
44:51About what?
44:52Sex trafficking.
44:53Et ex precordis.
44:54Sonnet preconia.
44:55Resedant.
44:56Recidant.
44:57Recidant.
44:58Veteran.
44:59Veteran.
45:00Veteran.
45:01Sacra solemnis.
45:02I unctus in Gaudia.
45:03Et ex precondis.
45:04Sonnet.
45:05Sacra solemnis.
45:06I unctus in Gaudia.
45:07Et ex precondis.
45:08Sonnet.
45:09Sacra solemnis.
45:10I unctus in Gaudia.
45:11Et ex precondis.
45:12Sonnet.
45:13Sacra solemnis.
45:14I unctus in Gaudia.
45:15Et ex precondis.
45:16Sacra solemnis.
45:17I unctus in Gaudia.
45:18Et ex precondis.
45:19Et ex precondis.
45:20Et ex precondis.
45:21Et ex precondis.
45:26Support.
45:27And white.
45:28creamy newspaper.
45:29I did выпад other than is...
45:31Scheer monthkeeper coming to
45:32the maroon.
45:39Hello.
45:40Are you coming to the pub?
45:52Who is this?
45:54Who is this?
45:54Casey.
45:56I'm not asking you out on a date. I'm just saying. We're at the pub for fuck's sake. I'm just being friendly.
46:00Alright, I'm sorry. Which pub?
46:03Open as usual.
46:09Alright?
46:10Yeah? You alright?
46:13You made it.
46:15You must be made up.
46:16Yeah, I might start weeping.
46:26Oh, here he is. Wordy beardy.
46:28Hey, someone get this man a drink.
46:32Michael, Michael, are you a train spotter?
46:35No.
46:36Are you a virgin?
46:38What are you talking about?
46:40How old are you? Fifty. Fifty-year-old virgin.
46:43Shut up, Brigham. How old are you? Bye.
46:46I love this freak.
46:48My mate used to work at a restaurant when you worked there. Some burger place.
46:53Oh yeah, burgers, burgers, burgers on the high street.
46:56Yeah, said he stripped off in front of all the customers.
46:58Only to me vest and pants.
47:00Only to me vest and pants.
47:02What for?
47:03I was resigning. They wanted the uniform back.
47:05My mate said, right, he swipes a banoffee pie off the counter, comes out front, strips off,
47:10flicks the manager of the bird and then walks around his boxes.
47:14Is that true?
47:15Nearly. It was a sticky toffee pudding and I had to come back because my clothes and keys were in the staff room.
47:20Oh no, no, I'm only having the one.
47:22I've got the car.
47:23Leave it here. Get the bus. Where do you live?
47:25Marvin Gardens, just off the Wilmslow Road.
47:27Oh my God, yeah, I know. Listen, it's a 20 minute walk from here. You're fine.
47:31But do you know Danielle? She used to live on the corner of Marvin Gardens.
47:34I was mates with her at school. I hadn't spoken to her in years though.
47:37She went off to catering college.
47:38Oh my God, there used to be this house on Marvin Gardens, right, that was just like full of junk.
47:44And like the garden was an absolute jungle. And I mean this bloke lived there but nobody saw him.
47:48Well, Danielle saw him a few times but anyways, he murdered his wife.
47:53Yeah, everyone knew. I mean the police dug up his garden and everything but they never found out.
47:58They reckon he dissolved her in battery acid and flushed her down the loop so he got away with it.
48:03How long you lived there?
48:06Oh my God, that's your house.
48:20Did you murder your wife?
48:24I was never married. But no, I've never murdered anyone, let alone flushed somebody down the toilet.
48:30Come to think of it, everything Danielle said was absolute bullshit.
48:38Michael! Michael!
48:41Do you like Star Trek?
48:47Holy God!
48:49He's just looking at me, didn't he?
48:51So, were you really an underwater welder?
49:04What's that?
49:05Were you really an underwater welder?
49:07Oh no, I made that up.
49:09I knew it, you bullshitter!
49:11I went down the two hour underwater welding rabbit hole last night.
49:15I watched videos on YouTube, I know everything about it.
49:19So, how does that work then, the fire underwater thing?
49:22I'm not telling you.
49:31Your mate's story, it wasn't all bullshit though.
49:35The police did dig up my garden.
49:37Did me a favour actually, had to clear up afterwards.
49:40They left it in a better state than it was before.
49:44Well, what were they looking for then?
49:46My girlfriend.
49:48She left one day, she never came back.
49:51Everyone thought I'd killed her for a while.
49:55I didn't kill her.
49:58I love her.
50:00Michael!
50:01Did you collect stamps?
50:02Why do you find me so weird, Brigham?
50:05I don't get it.
50:06Just don't worry about anything.
50:07No, I don't understand.
50:08Is it simply because I have a beard?
50:12Or because I don't go on the paintballing trips?
50:15Because that ain't that bloody weird, is it?
50:18Jason wears gold boots with wings on.
50:21But here you all are, ripping into me!
50:24Oh, careful! Watch out!
50:25We're stripped down!
50:27You don't know anything about me.
50:30You knew what I'm actually growing in my shed.
50:32Stop right there, thank you very much.
50:36What are you actually growing in your shed?
50:38What you don't know, is that I am actually growing her monkey life.
50:44I beg your pardon?
50:46Her monkey life.
50:48They are prophesying spirits that can predict the future,
50:53and I am growing them in jars in my shed.
50:57So when I'm winning billions on the lottery,
51:00you won't be laughing then, will you?
51:02Eh?
51:04What the fuck are you on the boat?
51:05Homonculi!
51:07Let's get you home, yeah?
51:14Are you alright?
51:16I'm fine.
51:17So, what are you growing in jars in your shed?
51:25Homonculi.
51:27And what's a homonculi?
51:29No.
51:31No.
51:32Homonculi is plural.
51:34Homonculus is singular.
51:36And they are creatures.
51:37They're like little people.
51:39They're like little people in jars.
51:41Like sea monkeys?
51:43They're a little bit like sea monkeys,
51:44but they can predict the future.
51:47Fuchsia.
51:49I had sea monkeys once.
51:50They were really disappointing.
51:52Like the advert said that they were so eager to please,
51:54but my ones, they couldn't give an apparent fuck.
51:57They're not sea monkeys.
51:58They're monkey life.
52:00Can I come and see them?
52:02No.
52:03Nobody can see them at the moment,
52:04because they are invisible to the human naked eye.
52:07So, no.
52:10Okay.
52:12You have to walk me home, I'm fine.
52:13Mate, I'm not walking you home.
52:14I live this way, are you?
52:15Fine.
52:17Fine.
52:22This is me.
52:23Alright, yeah, cool.
52:24I'm just...
52:43...
52:55So, nice.
52:58Hi!
53:00Hi, Eric.
53:02Oh, my God.
53:32I don't know.
54:02I don't know.
54:32I don't know.
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