- 8 months ago
Stephany Faublas opens up about single motherhood, her new endeavor providing financial freedom for women, and hiring a nanny as self-care.
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00:00hey everybody i'm victoria umarogi the senior lifestyle editor of essence and welcome to mamas
00:04at work we are here with the fabulous stephanie fablas she is a content creator also an educator
00:10and you know a mother just a little just a little bit just a little tea you know i'm sure you've
00:16seen her i know you've seen her her darling daughter cadence as well and we're here to chat
00:20all things motherhood her big move her great foundation that she's starting and more so let's
00:26hop right into it thank you so much for being here thanks for having me which are you like we're
00:30locked in we're locked in so we're gonna go get you know drinks later if you see us out and about
00:35leave us alone we're connecting we're pretty much best friends first and foremost you know welcome
00:41welcome thank you uh yeah i know you recently packed up you left you know good old north carolina made
00:48the big hall yes came up here to new york city and you brought your daughter cadence of course the
00:55brooklyn girl has returned not me she will remind you quickly i'm not the brooklyn girl she is so
01:00she's she's born here not me gotcha gotcha so how are you feeling about being back and more importantly
01:07what was inspiration to come back to new york from your time living in charlotte yeah so yeah i feel
01:13like a lot of people think this is our first time here so thank you for saying come back where we are
01:17yes it's the big comeback um i feel wonderful about it just because this time it's on you know very
01:23different circumstances the inspo was really work you know we are blessed to have uh this new platform
01:30and all this new work and things uh we were coming up here mostly me but cadence you you know in tow we
01:36were coming up here almost once to two times a week especially like the end of last year starting the end
01:42of last year and i was getting a little pricey and i'm like you know what just so we could be available
01:47for whatever opportunities and for me to grow my you know platform um i think this would just be the
01:53better place for us to come back to and um yeah like this time like i said it was just different
01:57circumstances i feel both feet on the ground it's at my direction it's at my needs and my wants and
02:04it just felt like everything was aligning to be here at this exact time so it feels great love a good
02:10alignment i love that yes and so how is cadence adjusting you know i feel like you both have this
02:15mother-daughter kind of relationship where it's like whatever you want to do she's down like y'all are like
02:20and i love that thank you yeah no it's so it's the other way around i she's wanting you i have to be
02:27down with what she's doing i say that but we're really we're learning to you know coexist in that
02:32way for sure she loves it she i mean the minute we touched down she was ready to just be out explore
02:39get on the train she loves the subway she want to get her tim's ready come on tim's is crazy
02:43it's nasty work sorry but she's no she's been she's been really really really excited um she's
02:49we're i'm trying to keep her like heavy activity focused right now so we're not like just home
02:53i redecorated quick i bought like i got everything brand new knock on wood please i brought everything
03:00brand new everything's fine right now so i just didn't want to focus too much on like staying
03:03you know inside um mine is this heat wave that's that's hit us recently hundred something y'all
03:08at 11 p.m at night it was still 100 degrees no thank you but i say that to say we are i think
03:15we're taking new york differently this time like before i i lived in a different part of brooklyn
03:20and i felt like i just like a mosquito do you know mosquitoes don't leave like from a 20 mile radius
03:26from where they were born that was me i just thought i was circling that area i didn't really i just went
03:30to went went to work went to whatever i needed to back home so i didn't really explore like i don't
03:35know harlem i don't know the rocks i don't know like if you say like upper east i'm like what
03:41right yeah but this time though we've been like we're on the train we're on a ferry we're getting
03:46lost we're doing a thing like we're gonna really become new yorkers this time yeah that you have
03:50an adventure together and you guys have so many fabulous adventures together that's a road dog
03:54no that's my besties locked in i mean i hope she chooses this when we're older you know but not me i
04:01stay i'll be young forever but you know i hope she really chooses to hang out with me for as long
04:07as possible like that's my goal like i know i've made it as a mom like i really did a good job if
04:11when she's like a teenager i mean realistically she's gonna slam a door i will take it but she
04:16will slam a door but um yeah i just hope we stay friends really i'm sure you will i'm sure you will
04:20and speaking of cadence you know so many people have embraced her as their internet niece what has it
04:25been like watching her come into her personality like this and seeing the both of you become like
04:29the mother-daughter duo online so we are both still getting used to it um just because i think
04:35we regard ourselves as very normal like we're just we're just chilling you know i just so happen to
04:40have um thankfully like touch the hearts of so many other moms and daughters and you know too soon to be
04:48moms um but we when we're out and people approach me especially like the other day someone was like
04:54stephanie and i turned we were on the sidewalk random i turned around they were like i know that
04:59bob anywhere it's like the bob now i can't grow my hair back out like they're recognizing you know
05:05just certain characteristics about us without even knowing that's us first so that's all that's that's
05:09i think that's gonna take a while to get used to because again like we're just normal people it's
05:14just me it's stephanie it's cadence um i think for cadence you know she she hasn't shown any signs
05:20of being overwhelmed by it i think we're also just really blessed the people who are in
05:25like community with us are like i said either mothers soon to be mothers aunts themselves or
05:30whatever so they've all respected boundaries and no one's like you know jumped on her or like made
05:35her you know do anything she didn't want to or anything like that and they do ask her every time
05:39before they even come closer interact and i think that's always been yeah like knock on wood we have
05:44not experienced anything that didn't feel like actual family who understands so yeah it's been great
05:49it's been great we're just getting used to like people thinking we're something more than we
05:53you know we don't put ourselves on that platform got you got you and obviously the obvious next
05:57question would be do you ever have concerns about like sharing her with the internet in that way like
06:03she's got such a big personality she's so fine but you know the internet is a crazy place there's a
06:08lot of crazy folk out there um but yeah and so how do you as a parent balance like what you want to
06:15share and and what you do share with what you're like let me not let me be protective of that how do you
06:21go about that so i think i lead because i lead in sharing my story she just so happenstance comes
06:27into play because i had my platform for a while before i decided to you know to have cadence and i
06:33don't even think i made a conscious decision to include her i think she just popped up like she was
06:37okay you know she's i'm here or we i think we might have done like a dance or something together i
06:41don't even remember what her entry point was but i make you kids thank you you're welcome you know but
06:48so she she remained but um she's not i wouldn't say she is the the focal point right of what i'm
06:54sharing i'm sharing my my uh journey as a mom uh my journey as you know becoming a single mother
07:00and what what reshaping life looks like for me and obviously i'm a mom so she you know appears in some
07:07of my things um but she's not the focal point and so i'm not worried about um overstepping her
07:13boundaries um but what i do pay attention to is maybe like i won't share certain spaces of hers
07:20you know this is private this is her room this is her you know this is what she what she does when
07:24she's here or you know small details of her day to day those maybe i don't you know i won't share
07:29i'm careful not to share those but otherwise i think i'm good with that because this this this is
07:36my story she just didn't she just happened to be a part of it okay it's really about me so it's
07:41been about me um something you said on your podcast which we'll get into a little bit was
07:45that you've been you know through your content sharing what it's like to as you said be a single
07:49mother and specifically raise yourself while simultaneously like raising a child can you
07:54elaborate on what that means i thought it was pretty brilliant thank you um so i mean for me with
07:59that these essentially what that means is that her health her wellness comes after mine i think that
08:06once you realize that as a mom and especially as a mom who i have been struggling since i was
08:12pregnant with her like literally since i learned i was pregnant with her i had so many layers of things
08:17i had to deal with whether it's my own healing getting away from someone that i needed to then heal
08:21from still healing from i had to prioritize my health my well-being my wants and needs and understand
08:29that that is not selfish because literally my health determines and dictates her health whether
08:33that be physical or emotional um and so yeah i i'm raising myself while i'm also raising her because
08:39there's a lot of unlearning there's a lot of relearning there's a lot of okay we can it's okay to take
08:46parts of how you were raised and blend it with the new way that we are learning now that we have a lot
08:52more education about right you know how these things affected us how these things will affect our
08:56children so you know um i didn't mention it yet but the name of the podcast after birth i think
09:02that's exactly what it is there are it doesn't stop after that birth and even if you have not given
09:07birth birth is a requirement for that next step in our lives we have to rebirth ourselves over and over
09:13and we talked earlier i'm going through one right now like it's just a new i have to see a new way of
09:19parenting yet again yeah and it's every week yeah every every week i think you know these are the
09:24things that i want to be extremely honest about again and sharing my story like hey it's it looks
09:29cute it looks cute but it is the furthest from cute when you shut that camera off it is the furthest
09:33from cute to raise a child and to raise them properly like in in you know in in the way that
09:38you want to be proud of them and you want them to be a functioning member of society it is not easy
09:43work whatsoever so that birth is over and over again if you want that to happen properly yeah i love
09:50that i love that and with that in mind how did that realization of like my needs are paramount
09:56in the effort to be the best parent that i can be how did that inspire you to create the app well
10:01it's just after birth not the after birth no yeah it's accurate yeah after birth yes um i think uh you
10:07know that it's it inspired me because i just have seen what sharing small glimpses were like from my
10:13tiktok and my instagram page and a lot of people were asking for more like can can we dive a little
10:19deeper into this topic um whether i was sharing about just mom guilt or if i was sharing about you
10:25know just any other small you know small things that mothers deal with that are that aren't actually
10:29small at all right you know when we huge and you know a little a little a little you know thread
10:35really unravels very very quickly when you start to talk about it and so i wanted a bit of a separate
10:40space to discuss these things and i think you know where i'm coming from on the podcast is that
10:45motherhood needs to be felt you know it's not about reading a book yes there are parenting books
10:51you can get all the information the facts that you want right you're in the field it is a complete
10:56different type of work and it can only be felt and i can only relate to other moms if i don't know what
11:01you're really feeling like tell me the truth about what is going on i don't want to hear and or see
11:06um you know rainbows and butterflies all the time because i'm not feeling that at home so
11:11i cannot relate if yours is rainbows and butterflies and i know it's not all rainbows
11:15and butterflies so at me when you're feeling real you know and so i just really want to create that
11:20space that i you know i talk about and not like not to make it seem like we only talk about the
11:25hard things of motherhood but it's just the things that make up motherhood you know that are that are
11:30more um complex than what we're given time to talk about in society and it's so real to show both
11:37sides because one of the best pieces of advice i got about motherhood which came before i even had
11:41my child was like every day is different oh you have to know that and be okay with that because
11:46you might think you're like failing and flailing and then the next day you know it's like we had a
11:51day at the park didn't we wasn't it fabulous and then the next day it's back to struggle um you know
11:56so it just goes back and forth and so i think that is so important to share because yeah we don't always
12:01want to just talk about and we don't want to look make parenthood look like oh child don't do it
12:06because a lot of people without kids i see them say like and this is not like why would i want a child
12:10again like there's a lot of beauty in it of course but like i think the rest of us i'm not mad when
12:14they ask that though yeah ask yourself that again and why would i want a child again and when you can
12:18answer the question for yourself then you're ready for motherhood i think a lot of us listen me include
12:23especially me you know we were not ready in that sense i think it's horrible advice also let me double
12:29down let me double down when people are like you'll never be ready for mother i think that's really
12:35misleading i think there is a point you can get to to know that you are because you know this is a
12:42choice to live selflessly for the rest of your life yeah when you have that child so i think it is
12:48important to share that information and beat it down into non you know not mothers or people who
12:53are thinking about becoming mothers or parents yeah you should be asking yourself why would i want
12:58to be a mom if it's this and this and this yeah why would you why would you and when you can answer
13:03that for yourself and have that kid right yeah and we'll see you in the delivery room yes i'll be
13:08no i'll be right there me specifically for sure okay come on i am a mother of two and i have my
13:15husband and i'm exhausted like two like my bones um how in the world are you doing it and making it
13:21look so fabulous i know am i doing it you are and you're pulling away the ipads and all kinds of
13:27things like that so can you talk to me about how you make it happening like even like the travel that
13:31you guys do together things of that nature like how do you do it as a single mom because i mean i
13:36have so much you know just respect for for single mothers because damn i'm like in the house with
13:42people and i'm like help me more okay uh i think i have two parts to that the first the real i have
13:50to i have to you know i'm i literally have no other choice it's it's single parenthood is do or die
13:57like who else is going to do this if i don't do it right so that's the first part of it the second
14:01part of it and it's still my honesty i do what i can thankfully i have a child who is a bit more
14:08emotionally tapped in she understands that it's just me and you so she does step up and step in a lot
14:16in in doing things for herself sometimes i have felt guilty about that because she absolutely
14:23might seem a bit too aware i want her to be a child for as long as she can be you know you're
14:29only six she's six but sometimes people meet her and and of course they they mean it like in a great
14:34way like she's 36 actually i'm like yeah she is but i would love for her to still be silly and still
14:41you know have their light make mistakes and have it you know have a little bit of whimsy about her
14:45but she but you know when you when you do meet her you are meeting someone who understands that like
14:49we're partners uh we're partners in this thing and it's you know i'm really really really fortunate
14:54that she does understand that but right now i'm working on making room for her to not be and i was
14:59you know finally blessed blessed blessed enough to now to be able to hire help so i do have a nanny
15:04we're two weeks then come on come on help you know let's make it normalize help normalize getting
15:10help absolutely and so um you know with with having that that type of help now it takes a lot
15:16off of my shoulders in terms of you know making sure the day's planned and my day's planned her
15:22day's planned and doing all these things so yeah i think that's that's been a major major blessing
15:26right now and a major step in us one getting away from each other because you know i think a lot of
15:31people also be like you guys are always together how cute how i'm like we both i'm drowning if i didn't
15:39hear her voice for two days i'd be good but every you know but if this is really really helping
15:44because now i haven't done the day with her so i'm excited to hear about her day she's excited
15:48to hear what you know what i've done today and we can actually talk at um dinner rather than being
15:53like shut up like you know we're good so yeah finding help has been crucial monumental monumental
16:01for the motherhood journey yeah got you i love that why would you say it's important to state
16:05you know that honestly parenthood can sometimes be a little trash um not full-blown trash but
16:12very difficult medium trash on your podcast you talk about the reality that you can like you know
16:19we love our children and still sometimes hate being a parent um even kira gains the internet
16:23personality who's a therapist and cadence's uncle we love him okay yeah they love him we love that
16:28entire family does cadence's uh little cousins absolutely yes he said the same thing how can not
16:34being honest as you mentioned a little bit earlier about these realities and that just feeling and it
16:39being okay to like whoo some of this kind of sucks yeah i cannot be honest about that do a detriment to
16:45other mothers and fathers out there well yeah you don't prepare them for what the reality will be and
16:50again that reality is different every single day going into parenthood woefully unprepared or you know
16:58without any type of expectations of the reality of things i think you're immediately i'm not even
17:03worried about hurting those parents i'm worried about those children that they'll you know end up having
17:07how will they form how will they be you know able to stand up to adversity how what would they learn
17:12your parents are still flailing and learning and trying to you know figure it out themselves and
17:16whose responsibility will that child become that if your parent was not ready for it so i feel like
17:22by sharing the truth we are helping to not only prepare future parents but we are helping to
17:29create a you know like a better place for that child than that next child to be born in
17:35so that they are supported so that they are actually brought up in a hopefully you know secure
17:40family um have proper attachments and whatnot so yeah it's it's it's i think it's extremely
17:45dangerous you you know what it is right now like how we can see everybody wants children off their
17:51ipads but there are no spaces for children to be off their ipads we're not creating that community
17:57because no one is being honest about one what it looks like when a child is off an ipad
18:01when i travel with cadence she doesn't even think about electronics so you know why when we're out
18:07of this country everyone is raising a child together we're like our trip in italy i could
18:12have went everyone else in that restaurant would have raised cadence just fine better than me even
18:17because everyone is attuned to the community and to the children and they are their priority at all
18:22times to keep them safe and to keep them engaged and whatever's happening they bring them into it which
18:27is a different experience here and i think it's you know we we want children to act like children
18:31but we don't let children be in the state of a child yeah they can't cry yeah they can't you know
18:37run around uh outside even like people are annoyed at kids running around in a park excuse me you know
18:44what i mean so so uh i feel like if we don't continue to share the real of what children are like this is
18:49what childhood is this is what it sounds like this is what it looks like and it's not always rainbows and
18:54butterflies then we are continuing to create a world that pretends they want children here
18:59but they're not ready for children here that is a huge problem even my my old neighbor would like
19:03give us hell about my children like running in the house and like playing with each other after school
19:09for maybe like an hour before they went in the tub and went to bed i can understand i mean if it was
19:13like my one of my friends is dealing with this as well like her neighbor i mean just moved in
19:16it's like 6 p.m and she's she's mad that she can hear pitter-patter upstairs get a home
19:22i don't know what you want i wish you would come in with that i don't know what you're single and
19:27free like dang yeah i mean because yeah let kids be kids that's so real and i think being honest also
19:32just helps alleviate the grief not the grief the guilt of like yeah of everything yeah of just
19:40feeling like why do i feel this way and is it bad to feel this way and my child is being a child on a
19:45plane and like am i failing because everybody's looking at me crazy like it's so you're absolutely not
19:49your kid is being a kid and i feel like the more parents who speak up about the realities of
19:54parenting what that means even apart from the child what that means for you who you are now how
20:00you operate how you show up how you can show up um that feelings aren't always facts i just it helps
20:05another parent be seen like you are not failing you're actually going through a milestone like i
20:10used to rely on this app i'm forgetting the name of it now but like when cadence was extra crazy
20:14sometimes i'd be like what no something is going on honey it's me or you right now and then i'd
20:19remember oh she's going through a brain leap and then you just learn a little bit more about what's
20:24going on and then you can adjust yourself to you know this this person is literally forming they
20:29literally have no idea how to do anything and it is up to you to do you know what i mean so when you
20:34understand that you're better informed to then react differently to your child or to support them in
20:39a different way um and so i think that's what we're doing we're that we're the you know the the real
20:44version the purse the we call it personified version of that app we can help share how to bring things
20:50up got you i love that and how did you know you become you're a very empowered individual and i know
20:58you're now working to empower other women as they embark on many a journey including entrepreneurship
21:04can you speak about your am i saying that's right f you fun yes i'm like could be full
21:10it's even spicy and playful no it's definitely it's definitely f you fun it is a and thank you
21:17for asking about that that is something that's my new baby it's my new baby and um we are developing
21:22it very very shortly to talk much more about it so i think this is the first time i'll be talking
21:26about it and about you you're welcome you know i'm breaking the exclusive here but no it's called
21:33the f you fund it is um my non-profit which i actually started with my um financial advisor
21:38denea um she's over in la we that was a huge other thing i did for myself i got a financial advisor this
21:45time i said i'm not gonna f up the money okay you know we gotta make it make money we gotta do what's
21:50going on and i i was not brought up to have a lot of financial literacy um so i struggled with that
21:56yeah who who you know we're just trying to survive like i've gone through several years several
22:00periods where it was check to check really making it work really just doing what i have to do you
22:05know and i felt less unfortunate to be there yeah at least the bills were paid but it was that that was
22:10that that was it you know so this time i told myself i was going to get a financial advisor because i
22:15really wanted to understand my money habits my money psychology and how to make my money make money
22:22for me the reason though why i was inspired to create the f you fund specifically was because
22:28um and it's a play on you know f you money you know and i i want to say that was really like the
22:34housewives then and you know who who wasn't working and you're at home and before the rights
22:40rights you know um and you you always want to keep a little something tucked in case you got to get out
22:46of something yeah in case you got to get away from him in case you got it you know what i mean
22:49do your thing and so that is exactly what the f you fund is i want to be able to provide other
22:54women other persons but primarily women that's what we're you know launching with um to be able
22:59to get out of whatever it is to be able to get yourself a little financial security so that you
23:05can make your dreams come true so that you are not tethered to the thing that is holding you down
23:08you can cut those ties um and i know that that's what helped me the second i was more financially
23:15secure there were a lot of things people could no longer say to me there were a lot of ways men
23:19could no longer treat me and there were a lot of prisons that i was holding myself in that i was
23:23able to open the door like i don't need to stay here anymore i made this bed but i don't have to lay
23:28in it forever and um yeah so i definitely want to be able to provide that opportunity for as many
23:34women and young girls as possible i love that thank you and lastly part of being empowered is being
23:40able to like pour into yourself and i know that can be that's difficult for everybody when even
23:44when you have support but in what ways when you have it's like now you a part of like pouring into
23:50yourself is getting help but what other ways that you know you practice self-care to be the best that
23:56you can be not just as a mother but for yourself um we're getting there i think we're getting there
24:02yeah we are getting there i think right now i am still i'm still in transition i'm doing the
24:09things slowly getting the nanny is a big big big one i think i'm going to give myself permission to
24:15sit in that yeah like i did that was a huge you know check off the thing and i think that's going
24:20to hold me over for a little bit um speaking of the truth of things right i got a nanny it looks great
24:26but now i have a lot of time on my hands right and now i'm noticing a lot of holes i'm like oh i have
24:32no organization yeah i have no hobbies i have no organizational skills i'm sitting here getting on
24:36cadences back to make her bed you should see my bed this morning like it's just there are things
24:41that i need to recoup for myself because i i can see now yeah oh like you do need to organize this
24:48you do need to have this time and i look like i'm together i look like i'm but i'm not at all and i
24:53have all this time now to see that so the pouring into myself is going to actually not look like spa days
24:59and walk and whatever it's going to look like getting my life together for real like the real real
25:05things you know so that's what it is coming that's coming together i love that because i love
25:09that people are pushing away from like yeah so curious like you know getting in a bubble bath
25:13and you know having a wine like a lot of people are really just like it's just sometimes just being
25:19still sometimes just like now that i have the space in the room to like look around at my life
25:23and my own situation myself and getting it together yeah let me get it let me get myself together
25:27absolutely and it's it's yeah it's space to do the hard things yeah i don't have to be frustrated
25:32because i'm trying to do the hard things but yet my child needs me in that exact right and you gotta
25:36choose exactly and i'm not how many times are really going to choose the self-betterment you
25:41can't you know so yeah i feel yeah i bought myself space and time i love that yeah and lastly lastly
25:48what's next for you and your adorable daughter cadence now that y'all are taking new york city like
25:54taking it over um in timbs i'm like putting it out there we need to get matching ones oh we can
26:00get pink ones sponsorship come on make it happen thank you give you money um but yeah i mean what's
26:06next let me see i think what's next for us i feel like i'm just going to be working on a lot of our
26:11you know my platforms and i really am excited to continue to grow um my podcast yes after birth
26:18thank you i'm really excited to grow that i'm really excited to launch and grow the fu fund as
26:23well as for cadence i she's she might have the acting bug something she's been really she's been
26:29holding she loves performance i mean she will hold anyone that comes over captive like you you have to
26:36stay you have to listen to her performing she's singing she's doing a little thing so you know i'll
26:40let her explore that i think she's at the perfect age where right now whatever she's saying she wants
26:45to explore i you know put it behind her she's really into arts and crafts really into the
26:49performance world so we'll see where that goes but other than that i just really want to hone into
26:53my craft i want to hone into her creativity and that's that i love that pouring into both y'all i
26:59love to hear it well thank you so thank you thanks for having me no thank you for chatting with me i
27:04love to have these conversations with mothers just like pick your brain and learn you know we're more
27:08than just that you know more than that just that yeah happen to be kids well have kids yes that's
27:13that we gotta leave with that like i feel like you know everyone's like i need more we were saying
27:16oh we need more mom friends it's like no no let's reframe that you need more friends who happen to be
27:21mothers okay because you have to make sure you like each other i don't want to be tethered to someone
27:25because of their kid and now i'm like oh god victoria called again we gotta hang out like oh no i don't
27:30want that i don't want i want i want to have a play date hold on yeah i want to like the person and force
27:34our kids to like facts facts facts well thank you so much thank you again and thank you guys for
27:40watching mommas at work and keep following on essence.com thanks so much thank you
27:45you