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00:00The headlines tonight, Hesseltine's teeth removed to boost pound, Branson's clockwork
00:06dog crosses Atlantic floor, and sacked chimney sweep pumps boss full of mayonnaise.
00:13These are the facts, let's kick the stick from the blind man of ignorance.
00:30Welcome. On the day-to-day tonight, David Owen emerges shattered from Oliver Reed.
00:48I don't think I've ever seen anything quite such, er, so totally wanton, ghastly, mess, terrible.
00:56And John McGregor describes how he was reassured by the king of an alien spaceship that mankind's
01:02survival was not threatened by their plans to blow up the earth.
01:05He has suggested one or two steps which we ought to take, all of which we've taken, er, which
01:09he describes as dealing with a remote theoretical risk, but we've taken them in order to ensure
01:14that there is no risk of humans.
01:18London transports say they may have to close the underground system because of an infestation
01:22of horses.
01:23A report published yesterday described the effects of the equine plague as like an abattoir
01:28in a power cut.
01:29Ted Maul reports.
01:31For years, the system of tunnels and shafts has harboured a small population of wild horses
01:36without bothering the commuters.
01:39The only pest control necessary was performed by the teams of fluffers, who to this day remove
01:44clots of hair from the tracks.
01:47Then in 1970 came the crackers, special staff who had to patrol the darkened tunnels every
01:53day and kill the horses with hammers.
01:56But now say officials the horses have become a menace.
01:59Due to a large pile of horses blocking the line of Marble Arch, all services have been cancelled.
02:05Many of the drivers are heavily traumatised, only one today could describe the conditions.
02:11And what the drivers say they fear most of all is a head-on collision with a blind tube mare.
02:28Well, it's instant death.
02:30It comes straight through the cab window, thrashes you to death.
02:34Personally, I think the management should round them up, get rid of them.
02:38And in a statement issued just ten minutes ago, the Home Secretary announced that he personally
02:43will be going into the tunnels this weekend, armed with a special gun.
02:52The day today, slamming the wasps from the pure apple of truth.
02:58It's five to ten.
03:00Time for sport.
03:01Hello, I'm Alan Partridge and this is Sports Desk.
03:05Football.
03:07And Nottingham Forest may soon be Nottingham deforest, if Coach Liam O'Kane has anything
03:12to do with it.
03:13He's ordered the entire team to shave their groins in an attempt to enable greater laminar
03:17airflow and reduce buckling and weaving of the tendons.
03:21The newly depilated men will be shown off to Nottingham fans this evening.
03:26On to tennis now.
03:27And the sensational young Bulgarian protégé Mila Milandrovic was wowing everybody in
03:32Southampton this afternoon as she prepares for the finals of the Ordnance Survey Maps
03:36Cup.
03:37I was lucky enough to catch up with her this morning as she was practising with some nets.
03:42You are from Bulgari?
03:44Bulgaria.
03:45Bulgaria.
03:46I can imagine when you were small you were probably taken away from your parents and put
03:51in a sports camp.
03:52No, we had a tennis school at my house and my father was my coach.
03:59You weren't put in a sports camp and trained into a tennis machine?
04:02No, I went to school.
04:03It's normal.
04:04I would work a lot.
04:07You must be devastated for your countrymen who are subsisting on a diet of bread, potatoes,
04:14water and beer.
04:19Do you feel guilty?
04:21No.
04:22People eat.
04:24Most of your countrywomen tend to have affected a kind of, well, a moustache.
04:31And you, I have to say, have got a very, very sort of top lip.
04:37It's nice.
04:38It's very nice.
04:39It's very fine.
04:40Well, I've never suffered from facial hair, but they have electrolysis in my country.
04:48Electrolysis for dissidents.
04:50The day today, taking the news reefer and pulling like a madman.
04:59If you're a criminal awaiting execution in the United State of Tennessee, your hope is
05:04that they throw your switch on Martin Luther King's birthday.
05:07If they do, state law allows you to choose the precise manner in which your votes are delivered.
05:13This report from Barbara Wintergreen of American news company CBN has received the best our digital
05:18transponder can give it without, to my mind, showing any clear benefit in picture quality gain.
05:25Tennessee State Penitentiary.
05:27For some, it's death row.
05:28But for convicted mass murderer Chapman Baxter, it's the last night at Heartbreak Hotel.
05:32Baxter's an Elvis fan, and tomorrow he dies like a king.
05:36I've always been a poor boy, never done nothing with my life.
05:39I've always taken from any community I've never been in.
05:43I just figure I just want to die glorious.
05:45I just want to die like the king, like the only king ever was Presley.
05:49A special death bowl has been installed for this gruesome Presley demise.
05:53He died on the toilet full of drugs and cheeseburgers.
05:56That's the way I'm going to go.
05:57I ain't going to no electric chair.
05:59I'm going to no electric toilet.
06:00Like Presley, Baxter will gorge on cheeseburgers and drugs until he reaches 650 pounds.
06:06The historic weight will trigger the electric current and see Baxter skip dessert.
06:10Among those who will be watching Baxter get all shook up is Tennessee Presley fan club president Alvin Holler.
06:15Some people might say that this was debasing the memory of the king.
06:18Do you agree with that?
06:19No, ma'am.
06:20No.
06:21The king did that himself by dying on the john in a big nappy.
06:24But a special cheeseburger line in grim Elvabilia has gone on sale to commemorate tomorrow's pan fry.
06:31But maybe after today, that is how people will think of the king.
06:34You can be right there.
06:37Press and protesters conduct a silent vigil outside this special disgrace land,
06:42while inside, Baxter chooses his backing vocals.
06:45I figured jailhouse rock would be kind of appropriate.
06:48Or maybe Are You Lonesome Tonight always moves me that song.
06:52Thank you, Chapman Baxter, and good luck.
06:54Thank you, Missy.
07:00At dawn, all hope of a retrial gone down the pan, Baxter prepares to return to sender.
07:07In a few moments time, America will watch the Presley stand-in eat a sit-down meal with a difference.
07:11And if he eats too much, he may come out in a hot flush.
07:14You miss me tonight.
07:17Are you sorry?
07:18So, as Baxter turns as blue as his suede shoes, this is very definitely one Virga king with extra fries to go.
07:25Everyone brings CNN News of the Elvacution Tennessee State Penitentiary.
07:30The day today.
07:36The last scintilla of doubt just rode out of town.
07:42It's 62 towards High Three.
07:44Collatley Sisters is about to roll her eyes into the business tunnel.
07:47Thanks, Chris.
07:48Take her off the monitor. I don't want to see her face.
07:50No let-up today for British manufacturers.
07:52The quarterly reports make fairly gloomy reading.
07:54There were large profit slumps for Musters Margins and Watney Heckbulb.
07:57Transit Chris Fathom rolled to 1.6, joining activated Hedges and Walker Cadavero on a lower third rung.
08:03There was better news for Edge Ledge Wedge Barge, who mustered 2.41 up 88 very slightly,
08:07but Oxy McGee flew back a ninth, that despite a creeping bid from Michael Ryan's hotels.
08:12On the currency markets, trading soft all day with a very flat afternoon.
08:16How did the pound fare?
08:17Well, a glance at the currency cat and you can see, not too well.
08:21That's a disconcerting 47-degree slope against London, the dollar-yen and Deutschmark having a much better time of it.
08:26If we project, on current form, the pound leg could become insignificant within four months, leading to an effective amputation.
08:32The cat now tripodular, and any future resurgence in Stirling would create a rogue leg with no hip constituency at all.
08:40Overall, then, for tomorrow's markets, good evening.
08:43Slightly fractious in the nines and sevens.
08:45Chris?
08:46Well, now it's time for our special revelation report.
08:49If you mention the Church of England to anybody, they immediately think of choristers and wafers.
08:54But for some, the church packs a more deadly message.
08:57This report from Sarah Whoops.
09:00If you mention the Church of England to most people, they immediately think of the sacraments and the holy blood of our Lord Jesus Christ.
09:10But to many within the church, there is another ritual.
09:13The ritual of the bullying ritual.
09:17Ex-curate Peter Litterton was intimidated by his very first vicar.
09:22I went to the bathroom to wash after dinner and I found my flannel in the toilet.
09:29Another time, I went into the bathroom and all the bristles, bar one, had been cut off from my toothbrush.
09:37Another time, he put bleach in my shaving cream and Mrs Cape stifled a giggle.
09:43I see.
09:44This is St Barley's Church in Coventry.
09:49Barley's vicar Bobby Skye is a former bully himself, but has now decided to speak out.
09:55If a young deacon was being inordinated, then during the inordination ceremony, we would hum during his sermon.
10:04So we would be going...
10:05And he would be trying to speak and not knowing who was humming.
10:12How many of you were humming?
10:13About 200 of us, 200 vicars all going...
10:16Ready?
10:19Bermuda Triangle...
10:22Heather Collins has done a lot of popular work in the community.
10:25She too has felt the pain.
10:27I wasn't trying to eavesdrop at all.
10:31I was just getting on with my work and I could hear...
10:35The bishop was taking Colin through the steps of a christening for the next day.
10:41He then took Colin by the scruff of the neck and said,
10:46I'll show you how to do a christening.
10:48I'll...
10:49Sodding, I'll show you.
10:50And he just pushed his head towards the font.
10:53I said, don't do that.
10:55Don't do that.
10:56This is ridiculous.
10:57And he said, I'll do a sodding site more than that.
11:00And he just rampaged around the church.
11:05But while some are brave enough to speak out, others are still quietly being beaten up.
11:10Here, in the vestry of St Champs in Coventry, we secretly rigged up one of our cameras
11:15to record some bad ecclesiastical hurting.
11:18Hello, Paul.
11:20Evening, Bishop.
11:21What are you doing?
11:23Just tidying up after the service.
11:25You've been folding that cassock.
11:27Do you think you've folded that properly?
11:29Hmm?
11:30Um...
11:31What do you think?
11:32I'll do it again.
11:33What'd you call him?
11:34What'd you call him?
11:35Bishop.
11:36Now, did you fold it properly?
11:37Er...
11:38I thought I'd folded it properly.
11:39Naughty Paul.
11:40I thought I'd folded it properly.
11:42No, I was collecting up the hymn books.
11:45Books very...
11:46Well, these exact books.
11:47Yes.
11:48And I was stacking them, like so.
11:51Yes.
11:52And I'd stacked up to my chin.
11:53I see.
11:54So I was really at full stretch with about 30 hymn books.
11:58And he said,
11:59Come on, Peter.
12:01You can fit another one in there.
12:03I said, No, I can't, Reverend Cape.
12:05I really can't.
12:06And he pushed one in.
12:07He said, You can fit another one.
12:09I said, I can't.
12:10And he pulled my hair right back.
12:11I have seen Reverend Harris lift altar boys off the floor by their nostrils.
12:16What's that?
12:17What's that?
12:18What's that?
12:19What's that?
12:20What's that?
12:21They all fell on the floor and he said, Pick them up.
12:22Pick them up.
12:23Pick them up.
12:24Yes.
12:25Pick them up.
12:26And then he ran along this pew.
12:27Right there.
12:28Through the books.
12:29Pick them up.
12:30Pick them up.
12:31Did you look a rather foolish boy, Paul?
12:34Clean it up.
12:35I'll be back later.
12:37The bullying has got to stop.
12:43Stop the bullying.
12:45Start taking care of your flock.
12:47Pick on someone your own size.
12:49God's bigger than all of us.
12:52The time is almost exactly 17 minutes past nine.
12:56And that means that there are 3,416,400 minutes left till the end of the century.
13:02And that's the amount of time five critics and cultural commentators in a sealed studio in Kensington have to keep talking.
13:09They're called Debate 2000.
13:11And in 1990, they embarked on a 10-year discussion designed to pull into focus everything that modern man has achieved.
13:18Debate 2000 is available exclusively to the day-to-day through a triple-screened green cable which terminates in this studio's far left-hand wall.
13:26Well, let's ask then, what is a novel?
13:29A novel is a tool produced by a worker in an industry called culture.
13:35Oh, Balderdash.
13:36Very clever.
13:37Very clever.
13:38Very clever.
13:39Because we can all agree that the novel is composed of words, so maybe we should discuss what is a word?
13:45A word?
13:46I think that's a bit basic.
13:48I mean, what are we going to achieve by deciding what is a word?
13:50That's a word.
13:51That's a lot of words there.
13:53I don't see that.
13:54That's some more.
13:55If I could just, if I could just come in.
13:57That's not a suspicious word.
13:58That's a lot of words.
13:59Absolutely fine.
14:00These are irrelevancies.
14:02We have to actually go beyond that.
14:04No, they are.
14:05No, please.
14:06And ask, what is silence?
14:08Yes.
14:09Yes.
14:10We need to create, we need to create a discourse of silence.
14:14Exactly.
14:15Yes.
14:16Yes.
14:17Yes.
14:18No, he's absolutely right.
14:19Shhh.
14:20I'm not saying.
14:21Shhh.
14:28Right, if we could just move on.
14:29Oh, no.
14:30We were trying to explore.
14:31We were trying to establish.
14:32We were trying to establish.
14:33No, we were talking and just.
14:34We weren't ready to move on.
14:35Just chattering away.
14:36Can't you just be quiet?
14:37You're not spitting on me.
14:39Debate 2000.
14:40Showing that in Europe at least, there's no disagreement about trading words.
14:45Time now for Sports Desk with Alan Partridge.
14:48Alan, you're a bit of a word man, aren't you?
14:49You like to feel a word.
14:50Um.
14:51I don't mind.
14:52I certainly.
14:53Words, er, well would be here without them.
14:55Wouldn't be able to communicate.
14:56And, er, certainly always handy when you're having a conversation.
15:00Yes, words.
15:01What do they feel like when they come out of your mouth?
15:03W-what?
15:04What does a word feel like when it comes out?
15:06Well, sort of, woah.
15:09Yeah, but does a long word feel different to a short one?
15:11Yeah, certainly.
15:12Long ones.
15:13What about significant words?
15:16How do they feel?
15:17Alan.
15:18What?
15:19How do significant words feel when they come out?
15:21A long one?
15:23Are they different in texture to-
15:25Yeah, yeah.
15:27Hello, and welcome to sports desk with me-
15:29Partridge is a significant word?
15:31Yeah, Alan Partridge.
15:33and it's a special desk of sport now as we look back on some of the sporting highlights of the
15:40past sports season so lie down relax and let these sports commence when it's cycling championships
15:47you're after you can't say fairer than the tour de france die brandauer there in the lee swaying
15:53from side to side in his own inimitable bike riding way klaus been there on the inside pumping
15:58away with his with those gristle like muscly legs inside the those tight lycra shorts which
16:04have become his trademark and i don't know what this man is playing at there's no way surely the
16:09judges must come down like a ton of bricks on that carrying bikes on top of a car is not a sportsman
16:16like way to run this race you join me in the helicopter now as we look down on these cyclists
16:23that look somehow like cattle in a mad way but cattle on bikes and there's fen gunson closely
16:30followed by his great friend and teammate klaus bin and the man with the bikes on his car is yes
16:35he's disqualified as i said and uh klaus spin there wins riding non-handed no need for that
16:41and it was upsets all the way in the dive championships
16:46greg lagani down double back twister bangs his head and in textbook lovely let's see it again
16:54he points down up in the air double back twister comes down bangs his head on the board and in
17:01lovely the judges surely will give him high marks for that and how's this for a tumble there she goes
17:09bounce split over and over and over and then down and then back and over and over and over back and
17:16over and over up and down that bit with the hands there not so good i mean i can do that but for my
17:22money the best punches were being pulled this season in the boxing ring there round four in the middle of
17:29here with the uh the plucky liver puddley and then the uh ginger boxer as he's affectionately known to
17:36me thank goodness actually they're wearing gloves because i've witnessed bare knuckle boxing in a barn in
17:43somerset about three years ago and it was a sorry sight to see men goading them on in uh such a barbaric
17:50fashion and i'm rather ashamed to say i was party to that goading and uh two men fighting as i saw in
17:56the barn that night naked as the day they were born and fighting the way god intended wrestling
18:02at points i don't know if you've seen women in love the marvelous scene by the fire it kind of
18:08resembled that i'm alan partridge and that was my sporting season why don't you join me again for
18:15another one join me matter's green now rosie may's environation greenosphere this is rosie may with
18:24news from green earth and britain is soon to have its first portable cemetery the cemetery which
18:29opens to the size of a football pitch and features real soil can hold up to a thousand corpses the
18:34portable cemetery saves waste green on scientists in northern canada have found a large hole in the
18:42horizon the gap separating the sky from the ground has been measured as much as one mile high experts
18:47have temporarily tethered the sky to the earth with large winching ropes but there are fears it could
18:52snap apart in the spring green take a look at this are you qualified welder okay yeah i've got i've got
19:00an hnd which qualifies me to weld yeah that's marvellous brilliant so you could like rebuild the
19:05underside of uh any car if it was like so i'll do i'll do chassis rebuilds i think that's the most
19:10brilliant talent to have definitely definitely it's just fantastic it's just common sense this is all
19:19very interesting i'm sure but we have an agenda we'll talk about all your stuff exactly now it's not my
19:27stuff it is all your stuff do you mean this stuff the stuff that we are supposed to talk about no no
19:33it's not my stuff no no no the agenda is not so fixed as that yes but the agenda does not include
19:39motor maintenance that's not what it's about we might be living on a motor maintenance it's life
19:44me with you like it or not it's air to be it's not going to get anywhere you might be leaving when
19:48you've got a problem please we've got another eight years i've not got a problem with you at all
19:53no i don't have this is not a personal issue it's not you're personalizing you've been looking at me
19:58i'm not looking at you in any way whatsoever i am not looking at you at all for a minute
20:03shall we talk about the berlin wall the day today whoa heck it's a news bulb
20:16today's historic agreement between australia and hong kong marks a new season of hope for the future
20:22of world trade the two countries who have spent years at each other's throats on the international
20:27market have now signed a treaty which allows trading between all parties at all levels on a
20:32restricted quota basis i'm joined now by martin crais the british foreign office minister with
20:38special responsibility to the commonwealth in london and gavin haughtry the australian foreign
20:42secretary in canberra gentlemen this is pretty historic stuff isn't it well done a future then of
20:47unbridled harmony australia i'd like to think so i hope both countries will be reaping the
20:52benefits both financially and amicably for many years to come mr craist if as in the past australia
20:59start to exceed their quotas what would be your reaction i think one has to simply take a very
21:05firm line and say that you know that's where it stops yes you're both standing firm what are you
21:10using to back yourselves up the agreement the agreement and force what kind of force are you
21:17going to back yourself up with haughtry well uh any means of reasonable force possible when i say
21:23reasonable force i mean you're talking about weapons he's talking about weapons mr craist and
21:28you're sitting there in a rather flabby way saying we're not actually going to do anything about
21:32weapons i don't think britain's ever been found wanting in circumstances such as these you're going
21:36to have to retaliate pretty strongly against that sort of accusation i would have thought in a more
21:40physical way well you mean an act of aggression i certainly do i mean he's sitting here accusing
21:46you of goodness knows what and you're sitting there effectively saying oh we'll put a sanction
21:50forward and we'll stand by it what are you going to stand by it with well sanctions will be the
21:55initial plan and then we would move on to stronger means such as well i would have to talk to
22:02uh certain members of the cabinet about uh military matters and that's all we have spent a long time
22:12and had great cooperation over this and now suddenly you're talking about imposing sanctions and talking
22:16to your seniors about military uh matters this is this is quite outside the terms of any treaty that
22:21could possibly be made between two former members of the commonwealth you didn't suggest any suggestion
22:25of any kind of diplomatic intervention you suggested firm means i think you're i think you're
22:30mr horny let me give you a hint bang what are you suggesting you're plunging yourself into a
22:39what do you want me to say into a you want me to say the word the word i'll say it war war
22:47gentlemen i'm going to have to hold you there on freeze for just a second if a war did break out
22:52then fighting would probably start in eastman's town on the upper cataracts in the australia hong kong
22:57border region our reporter donald bethlehem is there now donald what's the atmosphere like
23:02tension here is very high chris the stretched twig of peace is at melting point people here are
23:10literally bursting with war this is very much a country that's going to blow up in its face
23:15well gentlemen it seems you have little option now but to declare war immediately
23:20well clearly the time for semantics is now over i can't of course be responsible for taking a
23:25decision like that i have to refer to my my superior chris patten as you know he's in hong kong
23:29at the moment good because he's joining us now on the line from hong kong mr patten do you agree
23:35with the idea of declaring a war i'll take that as a yes it seems it's war mr haughtry war it is then
23:43that's it chris it's war war has broken up this is a war that's it yes it's war
23:52coming up over the next 20 minutes we'll be monitoring the progress of our own flotilla of
24:02smart bombs foremost among these with a nose mounted camera smart bomb steven on hand throughout
24:09tonight's broadcast douglas herd and on the front in eastman's town itself newshound donald bethlehem
24:16and with over 130 satellite informometers and even broader swerve of ground-based news operatives and
24:22the worldwide backup from the factadelics the day today will keep you far more firmly abreast of the
24:28war than anyone else by miles first the weather with suzanne charlton basically we've got very
24:37movable weather system movable weather systems we're all at it this morning there's four seconds
24:42that one is a cloud sweeping across the country and occasionally of course that means between them
24:47we get some clear skies which is much situation across much situation that's another one of england
24:52and scotland but for many areas a bright or even a sunny first thing this morning let's concentrate
24:59back now to eastman's town our man on the ground there donald bethlehem donald what is the latest
25:08as i swirled the last traces of toothpaste from my mouth this morning a soldier's head flew past the
25:15window shouting the word victory have you actually seen any of the fighting yourself donald today i saw
25:22an old woman on the ground she was lying in a pool of her own tomatoes
25:26donald there seems to be some action going on immediately behind you could you take yourself
25:31closer towards it please yes chris right now go in here no a bit further back please donald i feel
25:38very near here yes but you're not near enough could you take yourself closer still no i want you to be
25:43so close until you can smell the nose i'm sorry chris uh i think i've been shot i am shot i am shot
25:51yes well could you could you describe your wounds please donald uh it's it's in the lower back above
25:58my leg it's it's uh it hurts what about the level of pain how much pain uh substantially it feels like
26:06i've been shot with a big knife ah now it's customary for a journalist in your position to give us some
26:12sort of joke what's yours it's quite ironic chris because this morning i was sick ah oh god help
26:22well i'd just like to assure you that donald bethlehem is perfectly all right
26:28good evening this is the day today live from the wall we've moved our operation into the battery
26:44zone progress on smart bomb steven good and we've already seen a lot of fighting on the ground here
26:50earlier on today we had to slip the clutches of the local militia which we did by fooling them into
26:55standing guard over models of ourselves made out of biros and notepads and then smuggling our bodies
27:00out inside some hospital beds this report on the day's fighting i made short moments ago
27:08there's something about the way these people move that tells you they are a nation at war look into
27:15their eyes and you can read the words i have a reservation at the restaurant of death
27:21it's a messy bistro with a bad name for soiling its customers clothes we've seen only one napkin in four
27:30days as course after course piles up in the banquet of brutality it's difficult for many of the clients
27:38here to relax you can those that don't leave go as mad as a pack of wild dogs this man we found this
27:48morning pitifully trying to catch bullets in his mouth they haven't turned up yet we seem to be
27:54the only ones here with the air thick and rippling with bullets everybody's nickname here is either duck
28:01or ah i too now have a wound just a small part of the unnecessary damage which could have been avoided
28:09altogether if the politicians had got it right the people here are confused spending most of their time
28:17running about like idiots earlier today we met a family who thanks to this war now have no home
28:24a war which they feel anyway has nothing to do with them when you be doing we are mere pawns in a
28:30political game trapped in the physical manifestation of a nonsensical clash of mere ideals between two
28:37governments tragically isolated both from their electorates and the guts on your shoes reality of armed
28:42struggle that boy is now a war orphan one more victim of what they call here the desert confetti
28:50i have a child about his age myself when i phoned him 10 minutes ago i told him to move out of the
28:57house to make room for his new brother back now to the day-to-day smart bomb get rid of herd thanks how
29:05is it for smart bomb steven well we can see now he's zooming in over the landscape he's almost caressing
29:10the land there this is a city full of people and soldiers there's one there he is it's into his
29:14mouth past the esophagus down through the again bang bang completely gone no we didn't hear the bang of
29:19course because the microphone is taken out in the heat of the explosion but there nonetheless is one
29:24more tear on the face of the world's mother alan sport thanks chris and now some late night soccer
29:32results i'm alan partridge this is division two hull paragraph five portsmouth bubble jet one sheffield
29:39hysterical three chunky norwich one richmond arithmetic versus nottingham marjorie match postponed due to
29:46bent pitch good night
29:51still to come douglas heard but not yet because as britain is dragged hopping and burping into this
29:57conflict how do our elected guardians justify the enormous cost some say the minister for war has
30:04been avoiding the press for precisely this reason but earlier on today the day-to-day tracked him down
30:09and i spoke to him in an exclusive way mr powley you're the new minister for war any idea how long it's
30:15going to last um well i hope not very long i'd say about 18 months i hope no more but nonetheless you
30:24took the decision that's right we had to take the decision was anybody in cabinet against it um
30:32i should say yes can you name names not really i understand your position looking at the tactics in
30:39the war what tactics will you be adopting i would say go from bottom because
30:43really with your hands over your ears yeah so what's your scenario you say 18 months who's going
30:49to win i should say that the british would win can i put you on the spot and ask you to address the
30:55nation and tell them that we are going to win the war definitely definitely say that to the nation
31:00yes i would yes i'm assured the nation will win this war minister thank you i'm now in transit
31:07over eastman's town susanna geckolais is already there this is the very heart of the conflict the men
31:15here have been fighting non-stop for three days we drove in at night straight into the middle of a
31:22rocket battle the air now is thick with what they call here the electric cornflakes we are under strict
31:31instructions not to leave the vehicle but to drive on through
31:38with no cover we ran across open space to a nearby house there are always casualties in war this man was
31:46injured and we had to act fast we found a family sheltering in the back room we have no tongue in
31:53common but through the universal language of mutual need i knew she was saying come set your equipment up
31:59in our refuge the world must see this mess these brave people are now sleeping but they know that
32:06tomorrow our aerials and transmitters could make this house a prime target chris back to the war now
32:14and in the noise and heat of what they call here the flying scissor beans there is no optimism or at
32:19least wasn't until just two minutes ago when we received these pictures of a miracle from the front
32:25line less than a mile from where i'm standing this was the scented rose in the bum gut of satan
32:33for here at 7 13 precisely the fighting stopped soldiers who moments earlier had been shooting each
32:40other's teeth out suddenly put down their guns and joined in peaceful commune some played games or
32:47like these men planned a musical others built cribs carefully forged from scraps and weapons it's
32:55christmas here though you wouldn't know it from the smell the reason for this outburst of calm lay
33:01inside a shed for here the massed forces of two world powers were unified by nothing more than the
33:07distress of a cat stuck on a high shelf no one knows how it got there but these brave fighting
33:14men moved by the simplicity of the animal's plight decided to forget their differences and try to get
33:19it down it was a heartwarming scene in an otherwise ghastly place but even as the men celebrated their
33:27heads were blown clean off for somebody nobody knows who had filled the cat with nitroglycerin
33:35well despite the odd story like that it's quite clear even to the untrained eye that this war has
33:41peaked there follows little now but the inevitable plague of refugee and human interest stories which
33:47tend to spew out in the wake of such conflicts we'll leave a skeleton staff here to deal with that
33:52i myself am back to london because i've had quite enough of this sickly guff mr hurd thank you this
33:59has been the day today on the ground live in a war
34:08the day today
34:11aware of the powerful symmetry that exists between news and history
34:17and just time to look at some of tomorrow's newspapers drowned italian wins eurovision that's
34:22today the mail go with aristocrat's dung saves village from flood the mirror lord mayor's pirouette
34:29in fire chief wife decapitation the sun robin cock and the new zealand prendergast lead with russia
34:36elects cobweb you'll notice incidentally that the wheeler cartoon in the independent as there will never
34:41be another war again referring there to the prime minister's conference speech and the wheeler caption
34:46yes there will and it's happening now that's it that's the day today on the day that boris yeltsin
34:52told the world how he milked mrs thatcher flappy breasts goodnight
35:16so
35:25you
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