00:00 There shouldn't be shame accompanied with reaching out.
00:02 It should be a proud moment, like I got the help when I needed it.
00:06 And yeah, I think that anybody that does that should be proud of themselves.
00:09 I was going to go to the Paralympic Games in 2020,
00:17 but they were postponed in March.
00:19 I lost my sense of purpose because for four years
00:22 I was training for such a big moment, such a big year.
00:25 I got super, super depressed.
00:27 I actually ended up speaking to my mom,
00:30 and she advised me to drive to my coach's house.
00:33 We had a conversation, and I ultimately decided to admit myself
00:37 into a psychiatric hospital where I did get the help that I needed,
00:39 and I got proper diagnosis.
00:41 And they set me up for mental health success outside of the facility.
00:45 So I got, you know, a therapist on the right medication,
00:48 other resources that helped me.
00:50 I've always dealt with depression since middle school.
00:52 I was medicated.
00:53 It just got to a really bad point, and I started to get suicidal
00:57 ideations, and it was really scary for me, actually.
01:00 So it came down to that point.
01:01 And that's why I finally called my mom, because I thought to myself,
01:05 if I don't, then I don't even know if I would have been here for the Games.
01:08 And I did also have another major setback to one of my really good friends
01:13 died by suicide in May of 2021.
01:16 So actually pretty close to the Games.
01:19 Again, I didn't want to compete.
01:20 I didn't think that I was like mentally tough enough to do it.
01:23 And each time that something happens, it's really just a matter of
01:26 having conversations and rediscovering my original purpose.
01:29 I guess I just changed my mindset of my dedication for the game.
01:33 It made it easier because I dedicated the Games to my friend,
01:36 which made it a lot easier to train and compete
01:40 and be able to be focused while still honoring her and her memory.
01:45 And I had a conversation with my coach because I really didn't want to train
01:48 anymore, and he brought me back to my why.
01:50 So we talked about my original purpose for why I do what I do,
01:55 not just the competition or the medals, but what's the real reason
01:58 why I am involved in Paralympic track and field anyways.
02:02 And that was because growing up,
02:04 I never had female athletes with disabilities to look up to.
02:07 And I had never heard about the Paralympics, only the Olympics
02:11 and the big stars in that.
02:13 And I wanted to be a female role model with a disability to younger athletes.
02:17 I was able to look through more rose colored lenses
02:20 and look forward to Tokyo 2021.
02:23 And I realized after that I was going to have more time to train.
02:28 I was going to have more time to deal with some minor injuries
02:30 I was dealing with.
02:31 And looking back, I wouldn't change anything because had the Games been in 2020,
02:36 I don't know how I would have performed.
02:37 And so I'm grateful for the way that everything panned out.
02:40 But it definitely was a challenge getting back.
02:42 I had a really strong mental fight that I had to fight.
02:46 But with the help of my coach and my mom and the rest of my community,
02:51 I was able to ground myself and get back to training for it.
02:54 It took a lot to even speak up to my mom about anything.
02:57 It was something that I wanted to deal with on my own.
03:00 And then it came to a point where I just felt like I couldn't.
03:03 So it definitely took, you know, some some bravery.
03:05 But that's the whole reason why I do what I do is so that other people
03:09 know that it's a brave thing to do and it shouldn't be stigmatized
03:12 or there shouldn't be shame accompanied with reaching out.
03:15 It should be a proud moment.
03:17 Like I got the help when I needed it.
03:19 And yeah, I think that anybody that does that should be proud of themselves.
03:22 I know it can be scary to open up to a ton of people.
03:25 But if there's one trusted person within your community,
03:28 especially as an athlete, our communities are sometimes broader
03:31 because we have our coaches, our strength trainers, our nutritionists, whatever.
03:35 We have such a strong community.
03:37 And so reach out to somebody
03:38 and just let them know that you're struggling and it's not something to be ashamed of.
03:42 [Music]
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